Matthew Jacob – The purpose of a goal is to GROW.

Matthew Jacob Jodouin

Subscribe with your favourite podcast app. 

About Matthew Jacob

Having started his career as a certified personal trainer and gym owner, Matt quickly realized that true transformation goes beyond physical fitness. He recognized that a person’s mindset is the foundation for achieving success in all areas of life. This realization led him to delve deeper into the field of personal development and acquire expertise as a mindset coach.

What sets Matt apart is his holistic approach to personal growth. He understands that true transformation requires a balance between physical fitness, mental resilience, and emotional well-being. By integrating mindset shifts with fitness strategies, Matt empowers his clients to overcome self-limiting beliefs, break through barriers, and create a life of abundance and fulfillment.

Matt’s coaching style is characterized by empathy, authenticity, and unwavering support.

With a deep passion for personal growth and a genuine desire to see others thrive, Matt has impacted the lives of hundreds of individuals across the globe.

Episode Notes

02:42 Lesson 1: Best things come from a need to scratch my own itch.
06:42 Lesson 2: I don’t have to believe every single thing, I think.
08:45 Lesson 3: Rock bottom could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
11:50 Lesson 4: Clear conscience is an under-rated form of self-care.
14:04 Lesson 5: Discipline is the highest form of self-love You are only on top for so long, so always look to improve or reinvent yourself.
16:35 Affiliate Break
17:09 Lesson 6: Purpose of a goal is to GROW.
22:30 Lesson 7: Emotional self-regulation
29:21 Lesson 8: Pleasure is not the same as joy. 
33:01 Lesson 9: Happiness is a choice.
36:39 Lesson 10: Shortest path to happiness is service to others

Matthew Jacob – The purpose of a goal is to GROW.

[00:00:08] Diana White: Hello and welcome to 10 Lessons Learned, where we talk to leaders and luminaries from all over the world to dispense wisdom for career, business, and life in order to make the world wiser lesson by lesson. My name is Diana White, and I’m your host for this episode.
[00:00:26] Diana White: Our guest today is Matthew Jacob.
[00:00:28] Diana White: Matthew has been a certified mentor and mindset coach since 2014.
[00:00:33] Diana White: He is known for his action-oriented approach that produces lasting results for his clients.
[00:00:39] Diana White: He is the creator of powerful transformation programs, including Unstuck, Momentum Mastermind and Success Principles. His programs outline simple yet effective processes that are based on proven strategies and backed by scientific research.
[00:00:57] Diana White: Matt lives in British Columbia, Canada with his wife and two sons. Welcome, Matt.
[00:01:04] Matthew Jacob: Hi, Diana. Well, thank you so much for having me. It’s an honor to be here.
[00:01:07] Diana White: It is an honor to have you. We don’t do a lot with Canada, so we hope our audience will grow as you give your wisdom. But I got a question for you.
[00:01:18] Diana White: Before we get started into your lessons, and they are amazing, what would you tell your 30-year-old self?
[00:01:24] Matthew Jacob: Ooh, what would I tell my 30 year old self? you know, I think that, during my 20s, I made the mistake of thinking that, I had time to figure things out, and, you know, I think sometimes, I forgot how short life really is, and, you know, I don’t know about you, Diana, but, you know, it seems to me that, the days turn into weeks, and the weeks turn into months, and the months turn into years pretty quick, and the older I get, the faster time flies, and so if I were to be able to speak to my younger self, or my 30 year old self, I’d be I’d probably encourage myself to, you know, quit slacking off so much and to maybe start to take some of my, life and some of my ambitions a little bit more seriously because Yeah, time has a way of just, flying by, if you ask me.
[00:02:11] Diana White: I agree. you think that sometimes watching our kids grow has something to do with that too? Like you blink, they’re born and then you blink and they’re like, can I have the keys to the car?
[00:02:21] Matthew Jacob: Right. Yeah. You know, our youngest son just turned six, two days ago. And, know, it sounds so cliche, but, you know, I remember, you know, when the first day he was born and holding him in my arms, and it doesn’t seem like that long ago, and I know that it won’t be long before they’re driving and then off to university or college.
[00:02:40] Matthew Jacob: And, yeah, you’re absolutely right.

[00:02:42] Lesson 1: Best things come from a need to scratch my own itch.

[00:02:42] Diana White: Well, let’s get to lesson number one. Best things come from a need to scratch my own itch. Tell me about that one.
[00:02:50] Matthew Jacob: Well, so that one for me, you know, I find, especially in today’s day and age with social media and things like that, I find that sometimes people can fall into the trap of doing things or making things that they think other people will like, or trying to appeal to the masses.
[00:03:10] Matthew Jacob: And whether that’s products or services or posts online and social media and things like that, but I found for me that, Some of the best things have come from, having a desire to have an experience or, or having something that, I would like to do myself that I don’t have access to. And so, like, creating something that comes from the heart rather than from the head.
[00:03:36] Matthew Jacob: And there was a number of years ago where I owned and operated my own business. And I felt in some cases kind of isolated and, I didn’t have much of a peer group or a support system. And I kind of felt at that time that, what I was really lacking was, like, some strong, supportive influences in my life that were positive.
[00:03:59] Matthew Jacob: I, I recognized that, I wanted to create a little bit more of an environment, with some, like, positive role models. And so I created, at the time, a men’s group, because I noticed that, you know, there was People in my life that I admired and wanted to spend more time with and I felt like I couldn’t really like Find the environment that I was looking for, and so I decided to take the initiative and to create it, and we ended up getting together about once a month to, do some real exciting activities and participate in some cool things like, you know, an archery lesson, we did a cold plunge.
[00:04:39] Matthew Jacob: We had big bonfires and had conversations, where we were able to support each other and learn from one another and, you know, just have good, clean conversation. And it was a lot of fun, and it was, you know, really rewarding. And some of the relationships that we made through that process, have continued years and years.
[00:04:57] Matthew Jacob: So, it, it was a really good experience.
[00:04:59] Diana White: I, I did something similar, you know, I was looking for, I had several young women of color come to me and ask me for advice and asked me for guidance slash mentorship. And so, I created a coalition because I figured if.
[00:05:15] Matthew Jacob: Love it.
[00:05:16] Diana White: If there were women out there that were brave enough to come to me. One or two per event, then how many more were out there that didn’t even know that this could be a thing?
[00:05:28] Diana White: So, I went to my girlfriends, and I said, cause I’m the slacker of the group of my girlfriends, right? I don’t have the PhD. I went to all of my PhD heads, and I said, hey, what do you think about this? And they were all like, we’re in, we’re in. And we wish we had something like that when we were going through the things we went through, and it just came together.
[00:05:48] Diana White: So, I totally understand what something like that means for, not just you, but everybody you brought together.
[00:05:57] Matthew Jacob: Right, yeah. Well, I love that you did something similar, and when you think about it, like, looking back throughout human history, people, and you know, in my case, men, we got around, in groups, or maybe around the campfire or something like that, for thousands of years.
[00:06:11] Matthew Jacob: To share stories and to support one another and to learn from each other and that sort of thing. And that’s something that I really found was kind of lacking. in today’s day and age, and possibly for women too, and being able to create something like that, you know, really did stem from a need to scratch my own itch.
[00:06:29] Matthew Jacob: And like you said, I found that if that was something that I was looking for and something that I was lacking, that chances are there’s probably other people out there who felt the same way.
[00:06:40] Diana White: Agreed.
[00:06:41] Matthew Jacob: Yeah.

[00:06:42] Lesson 2: I don’t have to believe every single thing, I think.

[00:06:42] Diana White: Lesson number two. I don’t have to believe every single thing, I think. I love this.
[00:06:49] Matthew Jacob: Right. Yeah, absolutely.
[00:06:51] Matthew Jacob: Well, you know what? this one actually, came from a book that I read. It was probably one of the most influential books in my life. And it’s a book that’s called, The Untethered Soul, by a man named Michael A. Singer. And the biggest thing that I got from that book was exactly that. That I don’t need to believe every single thing that I think.
[00:07:11] Matthew Jacob: And the idea is that, you know, oftentimes in life, and maybe you can relate to this, but Something will happen and, our minds are kind of these little, like, meaning making machines in the sense that, like, an event will happen that, you know, is kind of like, neutral, but we have a tendency to create these, like, narratives around it and we layer on all kinds of meaning about, like, well, what that means and what this person intended and You know, kind of like we create a story about it and it may or may not necessarily be true.
[00:07:48] Matthew Jacob: And I’ve found that for myself, just being able to slow the process down a little bit, press pause, maybe even take a step back and just observe the thought. And not necessarily allow myself and my imagination to run away with that idea, is super empowering. And it actually saves me a ton of heartache, and because, you know, if we’re not careful, sometimes we can be our own worst enemy and our imagination can do a number on us.
[00:08:18] Matthew Jacob: You know what I mean?
[00:08:20] Diana White: Yeah, it’s very true. And I think, I think one of the things is whether we want to believe it or not, our thoughts. They have a lot of impurities in them from, past trauma, and so sometimes you can be your own worst enemy because you’re, you’re inflicting those same narratives over and over again, instead of looking at that thing in a clinical way and really dissecting it in a clinical way.
[00:08:45] Diana White: I love that.

[00:08:45] Lesson 3: Rock bottom could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

[00:08:45] Diana White: And I love number three,
[00:08:47] Diana White: And so, number three, rock bottom could be the best thing that ever happened to you Please talk about that.
[00:08:55] Matthew Jacob: Yeah, well, this one, hits pretty close to home.
[00:08:59] Matthew Jacob: And the reason is because, a lot of the work that I do with people, I realized that most people don’t actually create change in their life. Until things get so bad that they need to make a change. And for me personally, that came from, an experience that I had where I struggled with drugs and alcohol.
[00:09:19] Matthew Jacob: And, you know, I’ve had what I call a colorful history with both drugs and alcohol. The, you know, took part for most of my adult life. And, the truth is, is that, you know, eventually I got to the point where I had to acknowledge that, things needed to change. And I think that everybody’s rock bottom is a little bit different, but, for me, that, you know, became pretty undeniable.
[00:09:45] Matthew Jacob: And, as bad as things were, I realized that, okay, well, I’m going to reach out and ask for support and find some help. And I ended up participating in a 12-step program, which, for me, was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Because it actually allowed me to, address some of the root causes behind my underlying addiction.
[00:10:05] Matthew Jacob: And throughout that process, I was able to heal. make amends. I was able to overcome some of that addiction. And I found that looking back, it’s like, although it was a dark period in my life, that was actually really positive for me because it was the catalyst that I needed in order to make some of those changes.
[00:10:28] Matthew Jacob: And one of the lines that gets tossed around sometimes is the, the gift of desperation. And when things get so bad, it forces you to want to make a change that, that’s actually a gift. so, for that, you know, I’m extremely grateful for that experience.
[00:10:43] Diana White: that’s a powerful and empowering way to look at this, right?
[00:10:48] Diana White: and I would also dare say that everybody’s rock bottom is different. It’s the feeling you have, not the thing that you’re going through because I got to tell you for every story you hear about somebody hitting their rock bottom. Somebody could pop up and say, oh, that’s, that’s not rock bottom.
[00:11:05] Diana White: You should see what happened to me, or you should see what happened to them. It’s your personal feeling of I’ve hit this wall.
[00:11:13] Matthew Jacob: Yeah, absolutely. And you know, it works two ways, you know, because I feel like, yeah, somebody, you know, could say that wow, well, I’m not that bad. I don’t need to do anything.
[00:11:23] Matthew Jacob: I don’t need to change. or, you know, like you said, you know, everybody’s rock bottom is a little bit different. And for me, you know, I still had my job. I still had my marriage. I still had my kids. I still had my health. I hadn’t hurt anybody or been involved in any DUIs or anything like that, but.
[00:11:39] Matthew Jacob: For me, I got to that point where I recognized I needed to change and, it was a must. So
[00:11:46] Diana White: And look where it got you. So that is amazing. That is amazing.

[00:11:50] Lesson 4: Clear conscience is an under-rated form of self-care.

[00:11:50] Diana White: Lesson number four. Clear conscience is an underrated form of self-care. That’s powerful.
[00:11:58] Matthew Jacob: Right. Well, again, you know, and this kind of comes from, part of my, time with AA in the 12-step program.
[00:12:05] Matthew Jacob: What I learned is that, you know, when we hold on to things like, guilt, or shame or anger or resentments, or regret from maybe things that we’ve said or done or things that have been said or done to us. Oftentimes, you know, those have a tendency to eat us from the inside out, you know, and part of that process for me was learning to find forgiveness for myself and other people and learning to go through and kind of take inventory of some of the times that I’ve wronged people. Done stupid things or said things that I later regret and go back and apologize and make amends for them. I didn’t realize how much that was weighing on me. And when I had an opportunity to address that, personally with people in my life, I found that a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
[00:12:58] Matthew Jacob: And it was an extremely painful and difficult process at the time. But again, one of those things that, you know, once it was done, man, I just felt so much better, and I felt so much lighter. And now, you know, I try as best as I can to admit when I’m wrong, to apologize for wrongdoings and to kind of keep my side of the street clean.
[00:13:21] Matthew Jacob: Because I find that, you know, when those things are on our conscience, it takes a toll on us mentally and emotionally. And for me, that’s just not worth it. And so, you know, having a clear conscience is really another form of self-care that a lot of people aren’t talking about, in my opinion.
[00:13:38] Diana White: Yeah, I’ve been doing this show for a little bit, and I’ve been studying the human experience and self-improvement for many, many years and this is the first time that I’ve ever heard that in that way. And it’s resonating with me. I’m getting goosebumps because I never thought of it as self-care and, and I’m going to walk away from this thinking about it differently.

[00:14:04] Lesson 5: Discipline is the highest form of self-love You are only on top for so long, so always look to improve or reinvent yourself.

[00:14:04] Diana White: Makes a lot of sense. And then lesson number five makes a lot of sense.
[00:14:08] Diana White: But I think the word that I’m about to say has been given such a bad connotation and, I’m hoping you can dispel that for me, Matt, today. Lesson number five, discipline is the highest form of self-love.
[00:14:23] Matthew Jacob: Right. Well, you know, I think that oftentimes people, you know, make the mistake of thinking that what they really want is freedom.
[00:14:31] Matthew Jacob: And we want the freedom to, you know, do whatever we want, with whoever we want, whenever we want, okay? And I know that for me personally, if I’m given too much time or, too much freedom or, too long of a leash, I just get myself in trouble every time. And I find that for me, I really thrive when I have more structure, when I have more routine, and when I have more accountability in my life.
[00:14:57] Matthew Jacob: And I find that discipline is one of those things that, you know, they say that discipline equals freedom because if you’re, if you have the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want, then you’re likely to give into impulse. You’re likely to be, like a victim of impulse. And if you have the discipline to do the things that matter the most to you rather than just the things that matter right now, that’s actually much more rewarding in the long term,
[00:15:25] Matthew Jacob: And so, for me, yeah, discipline has been one of those things that it gets a bad rap, you’re right. A lot of times, you know, people see that as a, as a bad word. but the truth is that, yeah, being able to trade what you want now for what you ultimately want or what you want the most. Is actually, you know, a sign of self-love for sure.
[00:15:44] Diana White: It is, but man, Matt, we live in a world of instant gratification.
[00:15:49] Matthew Jacob: Isn’t that the truth?
[00:15:51] Diana White: Oh, goodness. That is, I think that is one of the hardest addiction for the human condition.
[00:15:57] Diana White: is that that, well, the highest one is the need to be revered. I wouldn’t even say loved. The need to be revered and known is 15 minutes of fame But, oh man, that instant gratification hits all of us in some way, shape, or
[00:16:13] Matthew Jacob: Right. Well, and so many things in society today are peddled towards that too, aren’t they? You know, everything from Instagram and social media to credit cards. It’s like, you know, hey, don’t worry about having to pay for it.
[00:16:25] Matthew Jacob: Now, just put it on your credit card. And, you know, I think that a lot of times, yeah, society is really, you know, catered towards that immediate gratification.

[00:16:35] Affiliate Break

[00:16:35] Diana White: I’d like to take a short break to thank our affiliate partner Audible.
[00:16:39] Diana White: Audible is an amazing 10 lessons Books and other podcasts allowing you to build a library of knowledge all in You can start your free 30-day trial by going to audibletrial.com/10lessonslearned. With Audible. You can find your favorite lesson while at home or on the go.
[00:17:00] Diana White: Once again, that’s audibletrial.com/10lessonslearned. for a free 30 The link will be in the show

[00:17:09] Lesson 6: Purpose of a goal is to GROW.

[00:17:09] Diana White: Let’s welcome back Matt and continue with lesson number six. Lesson number six. Purpose of a goal is to grow.
[00:17:18] Matthew Jacob: Right. Yeah. So, a couple of things, even before I get into that, but a mentor of mine by the name of Earl Nightingale, he says that a person without a goal is like a ship without a rudder and a ship without a rudder is just, you know, drifting out at sea.
[00:17:34] Matthew Jacob: With no destination, no plan, no purpose, and you know, no end goal. And a ship that’s just drifting out at sea is eventually going to end up doing one of two things. It’s either going to get lost or end up on the rocks. Okay. So, he says that, you know, a goal is absolutely necessary in life. but most people don’t have goals.
[00:17:58] Matthew Jacob: In fact, statistically speaking, only about 2 percent of people have goals. Most people that I have the opportunity to talk to, they just have what I would call wants. And what I mean is like, you know, I’ll often hear things like, well, I want to be happier, or I want to earn more money, or I want to get in a little bit better shape, or I want to have more free time, or, you know, financial freedom.
[00:18:25] Matthew Jacob: But those aren’t goals. Those are just wants. And everybody wants those kinds of things, don’t you think?
[00:18:32] Diana White: I do. I do. Yeah.
[00:18:33] Matthew Jacob: And, and a goal is something different. A goal is something that’s specific, something that’s tangible, something that you can aim at. Okay. That’s like a real, like a, a target, so to speak.
[00:18:47] Matthew Jacob: And, you know, that’s the first thing, about goals. But one of the biggest misconceptions about goals. is that most people think that a goal is meant to get. And the purpose of a goal is not to help us get something. The purpose of a goal is to give us some direction and to help us grow. And you might ask, well, grow how?
[00:19:11] Matthew Jacob: And the purpose of a goal is to help us grow into becoming the type of person that’s capable of achieving that goal. So, depending on the goal that you set, you know, let’s say it’s, you know, to get in better shape or to lose some weight, you might need to, you know, grow into the type of person that’s disciplined.
[00:19:30] Matthew Jacob: that’s consistent, that’s able to delay gratification. And, and if you are consistent enough, and if you are disciplined enough, and if you’re able to grow into the type of person that’s able to delay gratification, and that becomes a part of your personality and a part of your identity, if you grow in those capacities, the really cool thing about that is that’s the real reward is that growth.
[00:19:58] Matthew Jacob: And oftentimes, by default, you end up achieving that goal as a result of that growth. But most oftentimes people will set a goal and then they don’t really want to change anything. They don’t really want to grow or do anything different. They just want the goal. They just want the reward. They just want the prize at the end.
[00:20:19] Matthew Jacob: But they don’t go through that process of growth. And that’s why most people never achieve their goals.
[00:20:26] Diana White: Viewers and listeners, I think that is one of the heaviest things in one of my episodes. I don’t know about my co-hosts, but that was an epiphany, for the ages. So, the goal is If it’s done correctly, if it’s planned correctly, the process of being the person you need to be to reach that goal, changing into that person is really what it’s all about. It is not about the goal. The goal ends up being a byproduct. Matt, you’re blowing my mind today.
[00:20:58] Matthew Jacob: I love it.
[00:20:59] Diana White: I love it. I love it. And I, you’re right. I don’t think we address goals correctly. And again, I think it, it stems from that whole instant gratification. It’s I want to lose weight and I want to have a beach body by the summer. So how do I quickly get to that? And it’s not necessarily, well, I’ve got to change my mindset. I got to change the way I think about food. I’ve got to change the way I intake food and, really research my nutrition. It’s what fad is going to get me there the quickest.
[00:21:32] Matthew Jacob: Right.
[00:21:34] Diana White: whoa. might have to invite you back and have a whole episode just on that.
[00:21:39] Matthew Jacob: Oh yeah. I mean, we could talk for hours about that. That’s the truth, but everybody, I mean, you don’t have to look far to see all the like. You know, five hacks to X, Y, and Z, you know, everybody’s talking about the shortcut, you know, and the quick way to either make money or lose weight or that sort of thing.
[00:21:56] Matthew Jacob: But, you know, one of my mentors, he always used to say that, you know, the problem with shortcuts is they always take too long, and the real shortcut is actually doing the work and, and, doing it right the first time, so to speak.
[00:22:10] Diana White: Because I feel like if you are able to tap into that and change who you are to be the person that needs to reach that goal, then you unlock a superpower that you can use in other aspects of your life.
[00:22:23] Matthew Jacob: Absolutely. Yeah. A hundred percent. Most people aren’t even aware that they are capable of doing that though.

[00:22:30] Lesson 7: Emotional self-regulation

[00:22:30] Diana White: Lesson number seven. I am blown away. Lesson number seven. And this is just two words, one with a hyphen, but I, but I love it because I got it as soon as I read it. Emotional self-regulation. Talk to me about that,
[00:22:44] Matthew Jacob: this is one that I think that, again, is the next best thing to a superpower, And, I don’t know about you, Diana, but growing up, I wasn’t taught much about how to necessarily manage my emotions. And, and I don’t know if anybody really was, you know, maybe it’s a generational type of thing.
[00:23:02] Matthew Jacob: but I found that, you know, people talk about like bad emotions and good emotions and that sort of thing. And I think that, there are no such thing as bad emotions or good emotions. There’s just emotions and our emotions, they’re not good or bad. Like I said, they’re just indicator lights. Like on our vehicle, on the dash, in our car, anything like that, that are trying to tell us something, And, the problem is, is that most people, when they experience a quote unquote, like, bad emotion, like anger, or frustration, or disappointment, or something like that, they don’t know how to shift that feeling. Or they don’t know how to regulate that, and so typically what they do is either lash out, have an outburst, or do something like run from their emotions, try to numb them, avoid them, or stuff them down, or distract themselves with it, from it.
[00:24:00] Matthew Jacob: this kind of comes back to my experiences with drugs and alcohol again, but, you know, I found that for me, it was easier to reach for something on the outside, whether that would be a drink, or sometimes people use cigarettes, or even food for that matter. But our cell phones are doing it, Netflix doing it, some people use shopping as, as an escape, some people it’s even, work.
[00:24:27] Matthew Jacob: And their careers, and they’ll dive headfirst into their careers, and you know, that’s where we get the term, like, workaholic, right? And the interesting thing about that is that, you know, some of these, ways of, you know, escaping our emotions are a little bit more socially acceptable than others.
[00:24:44] Diana White: Right.
[00:24:46] Matthew Jacob: But being able to actually, like, self soothe and self-regulate your emotions, and recognize, when you’re experiencing things like stress, anxiety. Fear, worry, frustration, doubt, any of those types of things, and move from a place of like fight or flight to calm, cool, and collected, and being able to rely on tools that exist here and here, like in your head and in your heart.
[00:25:15] Matthew Jacob: To do that, rather than reaching for something on the outside is a skill and it’s something that we’re absolutely capable of, but most people have never been taught how to do that. And I remember very clearly that, when I went through the process of getting sober, in the early stages, when I was struggling with stress or fear or doubt or worry, and I couldn’t reach for a drink.
[00:25:40] Matthew Jacob: I remember thinking, oh my goodness, like, I just have to sit with this emotion right now. Like how rude.
[00:25:46] Diana White: Right, right.
[00:25:47] Matthew Jacob: You know, and so I realized pretty quickly that my toolkit was really limited. And so, since then I’ve done a lot of work, on myself to be able to, kind of, manage and self soothe and self-regulate my emotions.
[00:26:02] Matthew Jacob: But I’m also doing, intentionally trying to teach my young kids. How to do that themself. And so, when they get worked up or when they get angry, that they’re able to do things, themself in order to manage their emotions in a more positive and productive way, than I would.
[00:26:20] Diana White: I love that. I coach women, a lot.
[00:26:24] Diana White: And we are emotional creatures, right? I won’t deny that. But one of the things that I’ve noticed is even, even when I coach the women and we get to a point where we say, okay, I can recognize these emotions for what they are and I don’t have to, tamper them and I, I can sit in them. Then you get to the point where you say, okay, you can sit in them, but now can you express them to others?
[00:26:51] Matthew Jacob: Right.
[00:26:51] Diana White: Are you, are you able to now tell the other person you hurt me?
[00:26:57] Matthew Jacob: Right.
[00:26:58] Diana White: Are you be, are you, are you strong enough to do that? And, ironically enough, it takes more courage to get to that second part than it does. At least in the, in the conversations that I’ve had, then it does to acknowledge, I feel these things and I’m going to learn how to sit in them and be with them and let them, you know, morph into what they’re supposed to be and move on, you know, it’s easier to do that because then that’s a, that’s a singular exercise that you have to do.
[00:27:26] Diana White: But as soon as quote unquote confrontation comes into the picture, It’s not that easy any longer, right? Because now you have to engage with another person and fight for yourself, fight, fight for your respect, your boundaries. I think that is important. On top of shame, right? Shame is a big one. I think that’s one of the biggest reasons why communication breaks down because people don’t know how to advocate for themselves, which is so ironic because if they had to advocate for a child, you know, you and I both know if we had to advocate for our children’s feelings, it could be, Our kid dropped their ice cream cone on the ground because somebody bumped into him and we’re ready. We’re ready.
[00:28:12] Matthew Jacob: Right. Right.
[00:28:14] Diana White: But when it comes to us, it’s, it’s very difficult. And I, I don’t, I haven’t figured out that puzzle.
[00:28:23] Matthew Jacob: Yeah. Yeah. You’re right though. And I think that it’s probably a bit of a process and maybe a practice like anything that you get better at it the more that you do it, but you’re right that those emotions.
[00:28:37] Matthew Jacob: I mean, they’re meant to be expressed. And if you think about it, our emotions, it’s energy in motion. Okay. Our emotions, energy in motion, and it needs to be expressed and emotions that don’t get expressed, you typically become suppressed and the emotions that become suppressed, will inevitably lead to either depression, addiction, or in some cases, even disease.
[00:29:05] Matthew Jacob: And we need to learn, you know, like I said, you know, positive, productive ways to express those in a safe environment or with a safe person to be able to allow that to work its way kind of through our system, so to speak.
[00:29:20] Diana White: I love it.

[00:29:21] Lesson 8: Pleasure is not the same as joy. 

[00:29:21] Diana White: But lesson number eight, it’s very interesting to me. And I, I, man, I want to hear what you have to say. Lesson number eight, pleasure is not the same as joy.
[00:29:31] Matthew Jacob: Right. Yeah. Well, you know, again, in my line of work, I hear a lot of people say things like, well, I just want to be happier.
[00:29:39] Matthew Jacob: I just want to be happier. And a lot of times I just, I think that that’s such a vague word, happiness. And it’s kind of a fleeting type of thing, you know, it’s really hard to kind of like pin down. And the truth is that things like, you know, happiness, that kind of comes and goes, doesn’t it? I mean, it’s not likely as a human being that we’re going to experience a consistent level of happiness throughout the day or the week or the month or life.
[00:30:07] Diana White: Not in the world we live in now.
[00:30:09] Matthew Jacob: Not in the world that we live in today. That’s right. You know, and oftentimes, people like I mentioned earlier are kind of quick to reach to things outside of themselves that provide a sense of like pleasure or that bring them kind of short-term happiness. You know, little hits of dopamine, a little hits of serotonin and, you know, a little feel-good moments.
[00:30:31] Matthew Jacob: And, you know, these days, it’s so easy to come by, whether that’s, like I said, either food or drinks or drugs or cigarettes, but it could be anything again. Like it could be, um, you know, even just sitting down and watching Netflix or, opening your phone and doing the death scroll on Instagram for a little while or TikTok and that sort of thing.
[00:30:50] Matthew Jacob: But the truth is, is that, if you’re reaching to something outside of yourself like that to achieve a sense of pleasure, that those, that pleasure is really short lived. And it’s easy to come by, but it’s pretty like shallow and superficial. And the real true joy comes from facing our challenges and overcoming them.
[00:31:12] Matthew Jacob: And that kind of thing requires a little bit more effort, but it also has a tendency to last a lot longer and to fill us with a sense of pride. An accomplishment, satisfaction, self-confidence, improved self-esteem. And that, that’s the kind of thing that, like, the joy, you kind of, like, fills you up from the inside out as opposed for to the outside in.
[00:31:39] Matthew Jacob: And that feeling is so much more long lasting and it’s so much more profound. And, you know, oftentimes I think that people make the mistake of thinking that, well, they’ll be grateful when they’re happy kind of thing. But I think even being able to tap into gratitude and being grateful for where we’re at and what we have now lends itself to happiness too.
[00:32:05] Matthew Jacob: And so, I think that that term, you know, is again misunderstood by a lot of people.
[00:32:11] Diana White: And I kind of get it ’cause. I do the death scroll, right? I’m on Instagram and I’m just, I’m waiting for the next hit of kitten dopamine, right? Right, right. Of other kitten videos, right? And, yeah, I think if in those moments when I’m scrolling, if I would just sit and say, okay, Instagram off, what am I grateful for?
[00:32:34] Diana White: What brings me joy? still love the kittens. But I wouldn’t need them to make me feel good in that, in that moment of solace.
[00:32:43] Matthew Jacob: Right, right. Yeah. And you know, here’s the thing is that sometimes, like I said, that’s a little bit harder to do, but if you’re able to develop the habit or the practice of doing things like that, it’s actually much more rewarding, much more rewarding in the long-term.
[00:32:59] Matthew Jacob: And I think worthwhile.

[00:33:01] Lesson 9: Happiness is a choice.

[00:33:01] Diana White: Right. Now that’s a good segue into lesson number nine, which is happiness is a choice.
[00:33:09] Matthew Jacob: Right. So, you know, here’s the thing is that, I think, and that could be wrong here, but, tell me if this, if you can relate to this at all, Diana, but, a lot of times I think that people kind of make the mistake of, waking up in the morning and kind of going about their morning routine or their day, and just kind of waiting to see what kind of day they’re going to have, you know, and they’ll wait to see what the weather’s like.
[00:33:33] Matthew Jacob: Or they’ll wait to see what traffic’s like, or maybe they stubbed their toe, or they lose their keys or that sort of thing. They’re, you know, in a hurry to get out the door. And I think that one of the best things that we can do. is to make up our mind first thing in the morning that today is going to be a great day.
[00:33:51] Matthew Jacob: And I think it was Abraham Lincoln who said, people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.
[00:33:57] Matthew Jacob: And, you know, my mentor, he says to me all the time, don’t be a cork in the ocean. And what he means by that is that sometimes, you know, we’ll go through our day or through our week and when things are going well, then we’re in a good mood.
[00:34:09] Matthew Jacob: And when things aren’t going so well, well, we let that take us down with them. And we spend our whole day and our whole week and our whole month kind of going up and down and up and down and up and down based on what’s happening around us. Rather than making a decision that, hey, you know what? Today’s going to be a great day.
[00:34:27] Matthew Jacob: And then go out there and start to look for things that make today great. And having a practice like setting your intentions daily can be a small but powerful little step to improving the quality of your day.
[00:34:42] Diana White: I love that. I love that. And I love that you were optimistic when you said people wake up neutral.
[00:34:48] Diana White: You know, most people I know wake up and they say, okay, what fresh hell is going to happen the day? Like they already expect which in turn, you could say that they’re going to bring it to them. Right. You know, that, that energy begets the same energy. So having the choice to say, I’m. going to choose happiness today. I’m going to purposely seek out the things that make me happy today. That, that’s a practice that I need to take away from our episode today and put into place.
[00:35:18] Matthew Jacob: Well, it’s actually, there’s a very scientific basis behind this too. And there’s a part of your brain that’s called your reticular activating system.
[00:35:27] Matthew Jacob: Okay, it’s called your RAS for short. And it’s the part of your brain that, like, filters out and picks out things that are important to you or relevant to you. And I don’t know if this has ever happened to you before, but like, have you ever bought like a new pair of shoes or a new like handbag or something like that?
[00:35:45] Matthew Jacob: And then when you’re out around town, you start to notice that shoe, those shoes everywhere. Yeah. That happens, right? Well, that’s your reticular activating system, bringing that to your awareness and telling you, hey, pay attention. This is important to you. And it’s like, you know, they say that it’s a lot easier to spot a blue car when you keep thinking blue car, blue car, blue car, blue car.
[00:36:08] Matthew Jacob: And, you know, we can actually prime our brain to start to pick out and notice things that are great about our day by telling ourself that today is going to be a great day. And then when we leave the house in the morning, our brains start to look at and notice all the things that are great about today.
[00:36:27] Matthew Jacob: But most people, like you said, are kind of in the habit of being like waking up, rolling over and be like, Oh, not again. You know? So yeah, I mean, happiness is absolutely a choice.

[00:36:39] Lesson 10: Shortest path to happiness is service to others.

[00:36:39] Diana White: I love that. Lesson number 10, the shortest path to happiness is service to others.
[00:36:47] Matthew Jacob: Right,
[00:36:47] Matthew Jacob: oftentimes as a kid, I heard things like, well, it’s always better to give than it is to receive. And I heard that, but I never believed it. You know, I always just wanted the presents, right? When you’re a kid, I think that’s probably pretty fair, pretty common. But as an adult, I’ve come to find that, if I’m ever experiencing a down day or a lull day or, you know, either a little bit down or depressed, I found that one of the best things that I can do in those kinds of instances or circumstances is to find somebody to be of service to.
[00:37:21] Matthew Jacob: Either reach out to somebody who I know is maybe, having a hard day themself, or connect with another person, or find some way to help somebody. That’s not me. And, yeah, my mentor, one of my mentors says to me, oftentimes he says, Matt, you want to solve 99 percent of your problems. Stop thinking about yourself so much.
[00:37:43] Matthew Jacob: And, you know, it kind of feels like a punch to the stomach every time he says that, but it’s true. And when I can find somebody to be a value to or somebody to serve, or, you know, maybe it’s even a random act of kindness or something like that. It really does fill us with the feelings of joy and happiness.
[00:38:01] Matthew Jacob: And, I remember couple of months ago, I was at a convenience store, not far from my house and I was walking out of the store and I was kind of in a little bit of, I was in my head and in a little bit of a frustrated state, and, there was a man in the parking lot who was clearly homeless.
[00:38:18] Matthew Jacob: He was in a wheelchair, you know, pretty dishevelled and a rough way. And, as I was walking by, he rolled up to me and he asked me if I had a couple of bucks to spare. And I said, no, I said, no, I don’t have any cash on me. And I kept walking and I got to my car, and I thought about it, and I thought, you know what?
[00:38:38] Matthew Jacob: Well, one, that’s not true. I’ve got a wallet full of cash right now. And, but the smallest bill that I had was a 5 bill. And so, I decided to go back. And so, I walked back to him, and I pulled out my wallet and I said, here you go, sir, I don’t have a couple of bucks, but I’ve got a five and you can have it.
[00:38:57] Matthew Jacob: And, he said, really, are you serious? And you should have seen the look on this man’s face. you should have seen the look on this man’s face. And he was just so overwhelmed and so overcome. He couldn’t believe that I was giving him five bucks. Okay, and I gave that to him and I turned around and I walked away and by the time I got back to my vehicle I’m, not too ashamed to admit this but I had a little bit of a breakdown and the reason was because This man was so overcome By somebody giving him five bucks To me, that didn’t mean anything.
[00:39:33] Matthew Jacob: Five bucks was whatever, take it or leave it kind of thing. But for him, that was everything. And I just thought, man, here I am taking all of the things that I have and everything that I’ve got going for me, taking it for granted, you know. And when I gave that man five dollars, the joy that I got from that You couldn’t have bought that in a store.
[00:39:53] Matthew Jacob: You, that, that, what I got from that, was way more than the five dollars in the monetary value. You know what I mean?
[00:40:00] Diana White: I agree. I, that is such a heartwarming story, and it puts into perspective Again, we, talked about this in the beginning where, you know, everybody’s rock bottom is different.
[00:40:12] Diana White: Everybody’s lottery is different. Everybody’s jackpot is different. Right? So, for, this man getting those 5 dollars. When he was only wishing he would get just two, that was his jackpot for the day. and you were able to make that happen because you stopped yourself from focusing on yourself, which is.
[00:40:33] Diana White: What your mentor was telling you to do. Right. That’s That is insane.
[00:40:39] Diana White: Well, out of all the wisdom that you’ve gained, what have you had to unlearn?
[00:40:45] Matthew Jacob: what have I had to unlearn?
[00:40:47] Matthew Jacob: you know, that’s a tough one. I, I’ve had to learn, relearn and unlearn a lot of things as I get older. and I think the biggest one that comes to mind, and maybe it’s just cause I’ve been talking about it a little bit today, Is that, you know, I think sometimes, especially in the media, we’re sold this idea, that, you know, alcohol equates fun, or that, you know, we can turn to things that are outside of us, to alleviate something inside of us.
[00:41:19] Matthew Jacob: Or that there’s something on the outside is going to make us feel better on the inside. And I think that one of the biggest things that I’ve had to learn is or unlearn is that it’s not the new car. It’s not the new house. It’s not the nice clothes. It’s not the substances. It’s not anything else.
[00:41:37] Matthew Jacob: That happiness really is an inside job. And, by going inside and doing the work on myself, actually gave me the best opportunity to improve the world around me and to make the most change and the biggest difference on my friends, my family, my finances, my health, and just my mental and emotional state overall.
[00:42:03] Matthew Jacob: And so, I think, for me, the biggest lesson I’ve had to, unlearn is just to spend less time focusing on the outside and trying to change other things or other people and spend more time focusing on me and what needs to change between my two ears and, you know, kind of in my heart. And when I do that, the outside world seems to take care of itself.
[00:42:25] Diana White: I love it. So, we already know from your bio that you’ve created some amazing programs. What are you, what are you working on now? And where can we find?
[00:42:36] Matthew Jacob: Right. Oh, I’ve always got a couple of irons in the fire. And, I’ve actually got, some information online, easiest to find on Instagram, probably where I’m most active.
[00:42:46] Matthew Jacob: and my handle there is at Matt. Jodouin. The last name is spelled J O D O U I N. And I regularly do, free workshops and seminars that are available to anybody who’s interested, and, they’re typically hands on and interactive, so we can, participate in some little activities to get you thinking, and, they’re full of tons of, like, useful tips, tools, and, resources that’ll benefit you.
[00:43:13] Matthew Jacob: And, yeah, that’s probably the easiest way to, to get in touch, but I’ve got a couple of eBooks out, one’s called Success Habits. And it’s, included in some of my programs, specifically the Success Principles program that I offer as well.
[00:43:29] Diana White: I want to thank my guest, Matthew, for sharing his lessons with us today.
[00:43:34] Diana White: You’ve been listening to 10 Lessons This episode is produced by Robert Hossary, supported as always by the Professional Development Forum Please tell us what you think of today’s lessons. You can email us at podcast@10lessonslearned.com
[00:43:50] Diana White: go ahead and hit that like button, subscribe, and turn on the notification bell so you don’t miss an episode of the only podcast that makes the world wiser lesson by lesson. Thank you everyone. Be safe.

 This episode is produced by Robert Hossary. Sponsored as always by Professional Development Forum. You can find the www.professionaldevelopmentforum.org you’ve heard from us we’d like to hear from you. Email us it’s podcast@10lessonslearned.com. Remember, this is the podcast the only podcast. That’s makes the world wiser lesson by lesson.

Matthew Jacob Jodouin

Matthew Jacob – The purpose of a goal is to GROW.

About Matthew Jacob

Having started his career as a certified personal trainer and gym owner, Matt quickly realized that true transformation goes beyond physical fitness. He recognized that a person’s mindset is the foundation for achieving success in all areas of life. This realization led him to delve deeper into the field of personal development and acquire expertise as a mindset coach.

What sets Matt apart is his holistic approach to personal growth. He understands that true transformation requires a balance between physical fitness, mental resilience, and emotional well-being. By integrating mindset shifts with fitness strategies, Matt empowers his clients to overcome self-limiting beliefs, break through barriers, and create a life of abundance and fulfillment.

Matt’s coaching style is characterized by empathy, authenticity, and unwavering support.

With a deep passion for personal growth and a genuine desire to see others thrive, Matt has impacted the lives of hundreds of individuals across the globe.

Episode Notes

02:42 Lesson 1: Best things come from a need to scratch my own itch.
06:42 Lesson 2: I don’t have to believe every single thing, I think.
08:45 Lesson 3: Rock bottom could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
11:50 Lesson 4: Clear conscience is an under-rated form of self-care.
14:04 Lesson 5: Discipline is the highest form of self-love You are only on top for so long, so always look to improve or reinvent yourself.
16:35 Affiliate Break
17:09 Lesson 6: Purpose of a goal is to GROW.
22:30 Lesson 7: Emotional self-regulation
29:21 Lesson 8: Pleasure is not the same as joy. 
33:01 Lesson 9: Happiness is a choice.
36:39 Lesson 10: Shortest path to happiness is service to others

Matthew Jacob – The purpose of a goal is to GROW.

[00:00:08] Diana White: Hello and welcome to 10 Lessons Learned, where we talk to leaders and luminaries from all over the world to dispense wisdom for career, business, and life in order to make the world wiser lesson by lesson. My name is Diana White, and I’m your host for this episode.
[00:00:26] Diana White: Our guest today is Matthew Jacob.
[00:00:28] Diana White: Matthew has been a certified mentor and mindset coach since 2014.
[00:00:33] Diana White: He is known for his action-oriented approach that produces lasting results for his clients.
[00:00:39] Diana White: He is the creator of powerful transformation programs, including Unstuck, Momentum Mastermind and Success Principles. His programs outline simple yet effective processes that are based on proven strategies and backed by scientific research.
[00:00:57] Diana White: Matt lives in British Columbia, Canada with his wife and two sons. Welcome, Matt.
[00:01:04] Matthew Jacob: Hi, Diana. Well, thank you so much for having me. It’s an honor to be here.
[00:01:07] Diana White: It is an honor to have you. We don’t do a lot with Canada, so we hope our audience will grow as you give your wisdom. But I got a question for you.
[00:01:18] Diana White: Before we get started into your lessons, and they are amazing, what would you tell your 30-year-old self?
[00:01:24] Matthew Jacob: Ooh, what would I tell my 30 year old self? you know, I think that, during my 20s, I made the mistake of thinking that, I had time to figure things out, and, you know, I think sometimes, I forgot how short life really is, and, you know, I don’t know about you, Diana, but, you know, it seems to me that, the days turn into weeks, and the weeks turn into months, and the months turn into years pretty quick, and the older I get, the faster time flies, and so if I were to be able to speak to my younger self, or my 30 year old self, I’d be I’d probably encourage myself to, you know, quit slacking off so much and to maybe start to take some of my, life and some of my ambitions a little bit more seriously because Yeah, time has a way of just, flying by, if you ask me.
[00:02:11] Diana White: I agree. you think that sometimes watching our kids grow has something to do with that too? Like you blink, they’re born and then you blink and they’re like, can I have the keys to the car?
[00:02:21] Matthew Jacob: Right. Yeah. You know, our youngest son just turned six, two days ago. And, know, it sounds so cliche, but, you know, I remember, you know, when the first day he was born and holding him in my arms, and it doesn’t seem like that long ago, and I know that it won’t be long before they’re driving and then off to university or college.
[00:02:40] Matthew Jacob: And, yeah, you’re absolutely right.

[00:02:42] Lesson 1: Best things come from a need to scratch my own itch.

[00:02:42] Diana White: Well, let’s get to lesson number one. Best things come from a need to scratch my own itch. Tell me about that one.
[00:02:50] Matthew Jacob: Well, so that one for me, you know, I find, especially in today’s day and age with social media and things like that, I find that sometimes people can fall into the trap of doing things or making things that they think other people will like, or trying to appeal to the masses.
[00:03:10] Matthew Jacob: And whether that’s products or services or posts online and social media and things like that, but I found for me that, Some of the best things have come from, having a desire to have an experience or, or having something that, I would like to do myself that I don’t have access to. And so, like, creating something that comes from the heart rather than from the head.
[00:03:36] Matthew Jacob: And there was a number of years ago where I owned and operated my own business. And I felt in some cases kind of isolated and, I didn’t have much of a peer group or a support system. And I kind of felt at that time that, what I was really lacking was, like, some strong, supportive influences in my life that were positive.
[00:03:59] Matthew Jacob: I, I recognized that, I wanted to create a little bit more of an environment, with some, like, positive role models. And so I created, at the time, a men’s group, because I noticed that, you know, there was People in my life that I admired and wanted to spend more time with and I felt like I couldn’t really like Find the environment that I was looking for, and so I decided to take the initiative and to create it, and we ended up getting together about once a month to, do some real exciting activities and participate in some cool things like, you know, an archery lesson, we did a cold plunge.
[00:04:39] Matthew Jacob: We had big bonfires and had conversations, where we were able to support each other and learn from one another and, you know, just have good, clean conversation. And it was a lot of fun, and it was, you know, really rewarding. And some of the relationships that we made through that process, have continued years and years.
[00:04:57] Matthew Jacob: So, it, it was a really good experience.
[00:04:59] Diana White: I, I did something similar, you know, I was looking for, I had several young women of color come to me and ask me for advice and asked me for guidance slash mentorship. And so, I created a coalition because I figured if.
[00:05:15] Matthew Jacob: Love it.
[00:05:16] Diana White: If there were women out there that were brave enough to come to me. One or two per event, then how many more were out there that didn’t even know that this could be a thing?
[00:05:28] Diana White: So, I went to my girlfriends, and I said, cause I’m the slacker of the group of my girlfriends, right? I don’t have the PhD. I went to all of my PhD heads, and I said, hey, what do you think about this? And they were all like, we’re in, we’re in. And we wish we had something like that when we were going through the things we went through, and it just came together.
[00:05:48] Diana White: So, I totally understand what something like that means for, not just you, but everybody you brought together.
[00:05:57] Matthew Jacob: Right, yeah. Well, I love that you did something similar, and when you think about it, like, looking back throughout human history, people, and you know, in my case, men, we got around, in groups, or maybe around the campfire or something like that, for thousands of years.
[00:06:11] Matthew Jacob: To share stories and to support one another and to learn from each other and that sort of thing. And that’s something that I really found was kind of lacking. in today’s day and age, and possibly for women too, and being able to create something like that, you know, really did stem from a need to scratch my own itch.
[00:06:29] Matthew Jacob: And like you said, I found that if that was something that I was looking for and something that I was lacking, that chances are there’s probably other people out there who felt the same way.
[00:06:40] Diana White: Agreed.
[00:06:41] Matthew Jacob: Yeah.

[00:06:42] Lesson 2: I don’t have to believe every single thing, I think.

[00:06:42] Diana White: Lesson number two. I don’t have to believe every single thing, I think. I love this.
[00:06:49] Matthew Jacob: Right. Yeah, absolutely.
[00:06:51] Matthew Jacob: Well, you know what? this one actually, came from a book that I read. It was probably one of the most influential books in my life. And it’s a book that’s called, The Untethered Soul, by a man named Michael A. Singer. And the biggest thing that I got from that book was exactly that. That I don’t need to believe every single thing that I think.
[00:07:11] Matthew Jacob: And the idea is that, you know, oftentimes in life, and maybe you can relate to this, but Something will happen and, our minds are kind of these little, like, meaning making machines in the sense that, like, an event will happen that, you know, is kind of like, neutral, but we have a tendency to create these, like, narratives around it and we layer on all kinds of meaning about, like, well, what that means and what this person intended and You know, kind of like we create a story about it and it may or may not necessarily be true.
[00:07:48] Matthew Jacob: And I’ve found that for myself, just being able to slow the process down a little bit, press pause, maybe even take a step back and just observe the thought. And not necessarily allow myself and my imagination to run away with that idea, is super empowering. And it actually saves me a ton of heartache, and because, you know, if we’re not careful, sometimes we can be our own worst enemy and our imagination can do a number on us.
[00:08:18] Matthew Jacob: You know what I mean?
[00:08:20] Diana White: Yeah, it’s very true. And I think, I think one of the things is whether we want to believe it or not, our thoughts. They have a lot of impurities in them from, past trauma, and so sometimes you can be your own worst enemy because you’re, you’re inflicting those same narratives over and over again, instead of looking at that thing in a clinical way and really dissecting it in a clinical way.
[00:08:45] Diana White: I love that.

[00:08:45] Lesson 3: Rock bottom could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

[00:08:45] Diana White: And I love number three,
[00:08:47] Diana White: And so, number three, rock bottom could be the best thing that ever happened to you Please talk about that.
[00:08:55] Matthew Jacob: Yeah, well, this one, hits pretty close to home.
[00:08:59] Matthew Jacob: And the reason is because, a lot of the work that I do with people, I realized that most people don’t actually create change in their life. Until things get so bad that they need to make a change. And for me personally, that came from, an experience that I had where I struggled with drugs and alcohol.
[00:09:19] Matthew Jacob: And, you know, I’ve had what I call a colorful history with both drugs and alcohol. The, you know, took part for most of my adult life. And, the truth is, is that, you know, eventually I got to the point where I had to acknowledge that, things needed to change. And I think that everybody’s rock bottom is a little bit different, but, for me, that, you know, became pretty undeniable.
[00:09:45] Matthew Jacob: And, as bad as things were, I realized that, okay, well, I’m going to reach out and ask for support and find some help. And I ended up participating in a 12-step program, which, for me, was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Because it actually allowed me to, address some of the root causes behind my underlying addiction.
[00:10:05] Matthew Jacob: And throughout that process, I was able to heal. make amends. I was able to overcome some of that addiction. And I found that looking back, it’s like, although it was a dark period in my life, that was actually really positive for me because it was the catalyst that I needed in order to make some of those changes.
[00:10:28] Matthew Jacob: And one of the lines that gets tossed around sometimes is the, the gift of desperation. And when things get so bad, it forces you to want to make a change that, that’s actually a gift. so, for that, you know, I’m extremely grateful for that experience.
[00:10:43] Diana White: that’s a powerful and empowering way to look at this, right?
[00:10:48] Diana White: and I would also dare say that everybody’s rock bottom is different. It’s the feeling you have, not the thing that you’re going through because I got to tell you for every story you hear about somebody hitting their rock bottom. Somebody could pop up and say, oh, that’s, that’s not rock bottom.
[00:11:05] Diana White: You should see what happened to me, or you should see what happened to them. It’s your personal feeling of I’ve hit this wall.
[00:11:13] Matthew Jacob: Yeah, absolutely. And you know, it works two ways, you know, because I feel like, yeah, somebody, you know, could say that wow, well, I’m not that bad. I don’t need to do anything.
[00:11:23] Matthew Jacob: I don’t need to change. or, you know, like you said, you know, everybody’s rock bottom is a little bit different. And for me, you know, I still had my job. I still had my marriage. I still had my kids. I still had my health. I hadn’t hurt anybody or been involved in any DUIs or anything like that, but.
[00:11:39] Matthew Jacob: For me, I got to that point where I recognized I needed to change and, it was a must. So
[00:11:46] Diana White: And look where it got you. So that is amazing. That is amazing.

[00:11:50] Lesson 4: Clear conscience is an under-rated form of self-care.

[00:11:50] Diana White: Lesson number four. Clear conscience is an underrated form of self-care. That’s powerful.
[00:11:58] Matthew Jacob: Right. Well, again, you know, and this kind of comes from, part of my, time with AA in the 12-step program.
[00:12:05] Matthew Jacob: What I learned is that, you know, when we hold on to things like, guilt, or shame or anger or resentments, or regret from maybe things that we’ve said or done or things that have been said or done to us. Oftentimes, you know, those have a tendency to eat us from the inside out, you know, and part of that process for me was learning to find forgiveness for myself and other people and learning to go through and kind of take inventory of some of the times that I’ve wronged people. Done stupid things or said things that I later regret and go back and apologize and make amends for them. I didn’t realize how much that was weighing on me. And when I had an opportunity to address that, personally with people in my life, I found that a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
[00:12:58] Matthew Jacob: And it was an extremely painful and difficult process at the time. But again, one of those things that, you know, once it was done, man, I just felt so much better, and I felt so much lighter. And now, you know, I try as best as I can to admit when I’m wrong, to apologize for wrongdoings and to kind of keep my side of the street clean.
[00:13:21] Matthew Jacob: Because I find that, you know, when those things are on our conscience, it takes a toll on us mentally and emotionally. And for me, that’s just not worth it. And so, you know, having a clear conscience is really another form of self-care that a lot of people aren’t talking about, in my opinion.
[00:13:38] Diana White: Yeah, I’ve been doing this show for a little bit, and I’ve been studying the human experience and self-improvement for many, many years and this is the first time that I’ve ever heard that in that way. And it’s resonating with me. I’m getting goosebumps because I never thought of it as self-care and, and I’m going to walk away from this thinking about it differently.

[00:14:04] Lesson 5: Discipline is the highest form of self-love You are only on top for so long, so always look to improve or reinvent yourself.

[00:14:04] Diana White: Makes a lot of sense. And then lesson number five makes a lot of sense.
[00:14:08] Diana White: But I think the word that I’m about to say has been given such a bad connotation and, I’m hoping you can dispel that for me, Matt, today. Lesson number five, discipline is the highest form of self-love.
[00:14:23] Matthew Jacob: Right. Well, you know, I think that oftentimes people, you know, make the mistake of thinking that what they really want is freedom.
[00:14:31] Matthew Jacob: And we want the freedom to, you know, do whatever we want, with whoever we want, whenever we want, okay? And I know that for me personally, if I’m given too much time or, too much freedom or, too long of a leash, I just get myself in trouble every time. And I find that for me, I really thrive when I have more structure, when I have more routine, and when I have more accountability in my life.
[00:14:57] Matthew Jacob: And I find that discipline is one of those things that, you know, they say that discipline equals freedom because if you’re, if you have the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want, then you’re likely to give into impulse. You’re likely to be, like a victim of impulse. And if you have the discipline to do the things that matter the most to you rather than just the things that matter right now, that’s actually much more rewarding in the long term,
[00:15:25] Matthew Jacob: And so, for me, yeah, discipline has been one of those things that it gets a bad rap, you’re right. A lot of times, you know, people see that as a, as a bad word. but the truth is that, yeah, being able to trade what you want now for what you ultimately want or what you want the most. Is actually, you know, a sign of self-love for sure.
[00:15:44] Diana White: It is, but man, Matt, we live in a world of instant gratification.
[00:15:49] Matthew Jacob: Isn’t that the truth?
[00:15:51] Diana White: Oh, goodness. That is, I think that is one of the hardest addiction for the human condition.
[00:15:57] Diana White: is that that, well, the highest one is the need to be revered. I wouldn’t even say loved. The need to be revered and known is 15 minutes of fame But, oh man, that instant gratification hits all of us in some way, shape, or
[00:16:13] Matthew Jacob: Right. Well, and so many things in society today are peddled towards that too, aren’t they? You know, everything from Instagram and social media to credit cards. It’s like, you know, hey, don’t worry about having to pay for it.
[00:16:25] Matthew Jacob: Now, just put it on your credit card. And, you know, I think that a lot of times, yeah, society is really, you know, catered towards that immediate gratification.

[00:16:35] Affiliate Break

[00:16:35] Diana White: I’d like to take a short break to thank our affiliate partner Audible.
[00:16:39] Diana White: Audible is an amazing 10 lessons Books and other podcasts allowing you to build a library of knowledge all in You can start your free 30-day trial by going to audibletrial.com/10lessonslearned. With Audible. You can find your favorite lesson while at home or on the go.
[00:17:00] Diana White: Once again, that’s audibletrial.com/10lessonslearned. for a free 30 The link will be in the show

[00:17:09] Lesson 6: Purpose of a goal is to GROW.

[00:17:09] Diana White: Let’s welcome back Matt and continue with lesson number six. Lesson number six. Purpose of a goal is to grow.
[00:17:18] Matthew Jacob: Right. Yeah. So, a couple of things, even before I get into that, but a mentor of mine by the name of Earl Nightingale, he says that a person without a goal is like a ship without a rudder and a ship without a rudder is just, you know, drifting out at sea.
[00:17:34] Matthew Jacob: With no destination, no plan, no purpose, and you know, no end goal. And a ship that’s just drifting out at sea is eventually going to end up doing one of two things. It’s either going to get lost or end up on the rocks. Okay. So, he says that, you know, a goal is absolutely necessary in life. but most people don’t have goals.
[00:17:58] Matthew Jacob: In fact, statistically speaking, only about 2 percent of people have goals. Most people that I have the opportunity to talk to, they just have what I would call wants. And what I mean is like, you know, I’ll often hear things like, well, I want to be happier, or I want to earn more money, or I want to get in a little bit better shape, or I want to have more free time, or, you know, financial freedom.
[00:18:25] Matthew Jacob: But those aren’t goals. Those are just wants. And everybody wants those kinds of things, don’t you think?
[00:18:32] Diana White: I do. I do. Yeah.
[00:18:33] Matthew Jacob: And, and a goal is something different. A goal is something that’s specific, something that’s tangible, something that you can aim at. Okay. That’s like a real, like a, a target, so to speak.
[00:18:47] Matthew Jacob: And, you know, that’s the first thing, about goals. But one of the biggest misconceptions about goals. is that most people think that a goal is meant to get. And the purpose of a goal is not to help us get something. The purpose of a goal is to give us some direction and to help us grow. And you might ask, well, grow how?
[00:19:11] Matthew Jacob: And the purpose of a goal is to help us grow into becoming the type of person that’s capable of achieving that goal. So, depending on the goal that you set, you know, let’s say it’s, you know, to get in better shape or to lose some weight, you might need to, you know, grow into the type of person that’s disciplined.
[00:19:30] Matthew Jacob: that’s consistent, that’s able to delay gratification. And, and if you are consistent enough, and if you are disciplined enough, and if you’re able to grow into the type of person that’s able to delay gratification, and that becomes a part of your personality and a part of your identity, if you grow in those capacities, the really cool thing about that is that’s the real reward is that growth.
[00:19:58] Matthew Jacob: And oftentimes, by default, you end up achieving that goal as a result of that growth. But most oftentimes people will set a goal and then they don’t really want to change anything. They don’t really want to grow or do anything different. They just want the goal. They just want the reward. They just want the prize at the end.
[00:20:19] Matthew Jacob: But they don’t go through that process of growth. And that’s why most people never achieve their goals.
[00:20:26] Diana White: Viewers and listeners, I think that is one of the heaviest things in one of my episodes. I don’t know about my co-hosts, but that was an epiphany, for the ages. So, the goal is If it’s done correctly, if it’s planned correctly, the process of being the person you need to be to reach that goal, changing into that person is really what it’s all about. It is not about the goal. The goal ends up being a byproduct. Matt, you’re blowing my mind today.
[00:20:58] Matthew Jacob: I love it.
[00:20:59] Diana White: I love it. I love it. And I, you’re right. I don’t think we address goals correctly. And again, I think it, it stems from that whole instant gratification. It’s I want to lose weight and I want to have a beach body by the summer. So how do I quickly get to that? And it’s not necessarily, well, I’ve got to change my mindset. I got to change the way I think about food. I’ve got to change the way I intake food and, really research my nutrition. It’s what fad is going to get me there the quickest.
[00:21:32] Matthew Jacob: Right.
[00:21:34] Diana White: whoa. might have to invite you back and have a whole episode just on that.
[00:21:39] Matthew Jacob: Oh yeah. I mean, we could talk for hours about that. That’s the truth, but everybody, I mean, you don’t have to look far to see all the like. You know, five hacks to X, Y, and Z, you know, everybody’s talking about the shortcut, you know, and the quick way to either make money or lose weight or that sort of thing.
[00:21:56] Matthew Jacob: But, you know, one of my mentors, he always used to say that, you know, the problem with shortcuts is they always take too long, and the real shortcut is actually doing the work and, and, doing it right the first time, so to speak.
[00:22:10] Diana White: Because I feel like if you are able to tap into that and change who you are to be the person that needs to reach that goal, then you unlock a superpower that you can use in other aspects of your life.
[00:22:23] Matthew Jacob: Absolutely. Yeah. A hundred percent. Most people aren’t even aware that they are capable of doing that though.

[00:22:30] Lesson 7: Emotional self-regulation

[00:22:30] Diana White: Lesson number seven. I am blown away. Lesson number seven. And this is just two words, one with a hyphen, but I, but I love it because I got it as soon as I read it. Emotional self-regulation. Talk to me about that,
[00:22:44] Matthew Jacob: this is one that I think that, again, is the next best thing to a superpower, And, I don’t know about you, Diana, but growing up, I wasn’t taught much about how to necessarily manage my emotions. And, and I don’t know if anybody really was, you know, maybe it’s a generational type of thing.
[00:23:02] Matthew Jacob: but I found that, you know, people talk about like bad emotions and good emotions and that sort of thing. And I think that, there are no such thing as bad emotions or good emotions. There’s just emotions and our emotions, they’re not good or bad. Like I said, they’re just indicator lights. Like on our vehicle, on the dash, in our car, anything like that, that are trying to tell us something, And, the problem is, is that most people, when they experience a quote unquote, like, bad emotion, like anger, or frustration, or disappointment, or something like that, they don’t know how to shift that feeling. Or they don’t know how to regulate that, and so typically what they do is either lash out, have an outburst, or do something like run from their emotions, try to numb them, avoid them, or stuff them down, or distract themselves with it, from it.
[00:24:00] Matthew Jacob: this kind of comes back to my experiences with drugs and alcohol again, but, you know, I found that for me, it was easier to reach for something on the outside, whether that would be a drink, or sometimes people use cigarettes, or even food for that matter. But our cell phones are doing it, Netflix doing it, some people use shopping as, as an escape, some people it’s even, work.
[00:24:27] Matthew Jacob: And their careers, and they’ll dive headfirst into their careers, and you know, that’s where we get the term, like, workaholic, right? And the interesting thing about that is that, you know, some of these, ways of, you know, escaping our emotions are a little bit more socially acceptable than others.
[00:24:44] Diana White: Right.
[00:24:46] Matthew Jacob: But being able to actually, like, self soothe and self-regulate your emotions, and recognize, when you’re experiencing things like stress, anxiety. Fear, worry, frustration, doubt, any of those types of things, and move from a place of like fight or flight to calm, cool, and collected, and being able to rely on tools that exist here and here, like in your head and in your heart.
[00:25:15] Matthew Jacob: To do that, rather than reaching for something on the outside is a skill and it’s something that we’re absolutely capable of, but most people have never been taught how to do that. And I remember very clearly that, when I went through the process of getting sober, in the early stages, when I was struggling with stress or fear or doubt or worry, and I couldn’t reach for a drink.
[00:25:40] Matthew Jacob: I remember thinking, oh my goodness, like, I just have to sit with this emotion right now. Like how rude.
[00:25:46] Diana White: Right, right.
[00:25:47] Matthew Jacob: You know, and so I realized pretty quickly that my toolkit was really limited. And so, since then I’ve done a lot of work, on myself to be able to, kind of, manage and self soothe and self-regulate my emotions.
[00:26:02] Matthew Jacob: But I’m also doing, intentionally trying to teach my young kids. How to do that themself. And so, when they get worked up or when they get angry, that they’re able to do things, themself in order to manage their emotions in a more positive and productive way, than I would.
[00:26:20] Diana White: I love that. I coach women, a lot.
[00:26:24] Diana White: And we are emotional creatures, right? I won’t deny that. But one of the things that I’ve noticed is even, even when I coach the women and we get to a point where we say, okay, I can recognize these emotions for what they are and I don’t have to, tamper them and I, I can sit in them. Then you get to the point where you say, okay, you can sit in them, but now can you express them to others?
[00:26:51] Matthew Jacob: Right.
[00:26:51] Diana White: Are you, are you able to now tell the other person you hurt me?
[00:26:57] Matthew Jacob: Right.
[00:26:58] Diana White: Are you be, are you, are you strong enough to do that? And, ironically enough, it takes more courage to get to that second part than it does. At least in the, in the conversations that I’ve had, then it does to acknowledge, I feel these things and I’m going to learn how to sit in them and be with them and let them, you know, morph into what they’re supposed to be and move on, you know, it’s easier to do that because then that’s a, that’s a singular exercise that you have to do.
[00:27:26] Diana White: But as soon as quote unquote confrontation comes into the picture, It’s not that easy any longer, right? Because now you have to engage with another person and fight for yourself, fight, fight for your respect, your boundaries. I think that is important. On top of shame, right? Shame is a big one. I think that’s one of the biggest reasons why communication breaks down because people don’t know how to advocate for themselves, which is so ironic because if they had to advocate for a child, you know, you and I both know if we had to advocate for our children’s feelings, it could be, Our kid dropped their ice cream cone on the ground because somebody bumped into him and we’re ready. We’re ready.
[00:28:12] Matthew Jacob: Right. Right.
[00:28:14] Diana White: But when it comes to us, it’s, it’s very difficult. And I, I don’t, I haven’t figured out that puzzle.
[00:28:23] Matthew Jacob: Yeah. Yeah. You’re right though. And I think that it’s probably a bit of a process and maybe a practice like anything that you get better at it the more that you do it, but you’re right that those emotions.
[00:28:37] Matthew Jacob: I mean, they’re meant to be expressed. And if you think about it, our emotions, it’s energy in motion. Okay. Our emotions, energy in motion, and it needs to be expressed and emotions that don’t get expressed, you typically become suppressed and the emotions that become suppressed, will inevitably lead to either depression, addiction, or in some cases, even disease.
[00:29:05] Matthew Jacob: And we need to learn, you know, like I said, you know, positive, productive ways to express those in a safe environment or with a safe person to be able to allow that to work its way kind of through our system, so to speak.
[00:29:20] Diana White: I love it.

[00:29:21] Lesson 8: Pleasure is not the same as joy. 

[00:29:21] Diana White: But lesson number eight, it’s very interesting to me. And I, I, man, I want to hear what you have to say. Lesson number eight, pleasure is not the same as joy.
[00:29:31] Matthew Jacob: Right. Yeah. Well, you know, again, in my line of work, I hear a lot of people say things like, well, I just want to be happier.
[00:29:39] Matthew Jacob: I just want to be happier. And a lot of times I just, I think that that’s such a vague word, happiness. And it’s kind of a fleeting type of thing, you know, it’s really hard to kind of like pin down. And the truth is that things like, you know, happiness, that kind of comes and goes, doesn’t it? I mean, it’s not likely as a human being that we’re going to experience a consistent level of happiness throughout the day or the week or the month or life.
[00:30:07] Diana White: Not in the world we live in now.
[00:30:09] Matthew Jacob: Not in the world that we live in today. That’s right. You know, and oftentimes, people like I mentioned earlier are kind of quick to reach to things outside of themselves that provide a sense of like pleasure or that bring them kind of short-term happiness. You know, little hits of dopamine, a little hits of serotonin and, you know, a little feel-good moments.
[00:30:31] Matthew Jacob: And, you know, these days, it’s so easy to come by, whether that’s, like I said, either food or drinks or drugs or cigarettes, but it could be anything again. Like it could be, um, you know, even just sitting down and watching Netflix or, opening your phone and doing the death scroll on Instagram for a little while or TikTok and that sort of thing.
[00:30:50] Matthew Jacob: But the truth is, is that, if you’re reaching to something outside of yourself like that to achieve a sense of pleasure, that those, that pleasure is really short lived. And it’s easy to come by, but it’s pretty like shallow and superficial. And the real true joy comes from facing our challenges and overcoming them.
[00:31:12] Matthew Jacob: And that kind of thing requires a little bit more effort, but it also has a tendency to last a lot longer and to fill us with a sense of pride. An accomplishment, satisfaction, self-confidence, improved self-esteem. And that, that’s the kind of thing that, like, the joy, you kind of, like, fills you up from the inside out as opposed for to the outside in.
[00:31:39] Matthew Jacob: And that feeling is so much more long lasting and it’s so much more profound. And, you know, oftentimes I think that people make the mistake of thinking that, well, they’ll be grateful when they’re happy kind of thing. But I think even being able to tap into gratitude and being grateful for where we’re at and what we have now lends itself to happiness too.
[00:32:05] Matthew Jacob: And so, I think that that term, you know, is again misunderstood by a lot of people.
[00:32:11] Diana White: And I kind of get it ’cause. I do the death scroll, right? I’m on Instagram and I’m just, I’m waiting for the next hit of kitten dopamine, right? Right, right. Of other kitten videos, right? And, yeah, I think if in those moments when I’m scrolling, if I would just sit and say, okay, Instagram off, what am I grateful for?
[00:32:34] Diana White: What brings me joy? still love the kittens. But I wouldn’t need them to make me feel good in that, in that moment of solace.
[00:32:43] Matthew Jacob: Right, right. Yeah. And you know, here’s the thing is that sometimes, like I said, that’s a little bit harder to do, but if you’re able to develop the habit or the practice of doing things like that, it’s actually much more rewarding, much more rewarding in the long-term.
[00:32:59] Matthew Jacob: And I think worthwhile.

[00:33:01] Lesson 9: Happiness is a choice.

[00:33:01] Diana White: Right. Now that’s a good segue into lesson number nine, which is happiness is a choice.
[00:33:09] Matthew Jacob: Right. So, you know, here’s the thing is that, I think, and that could be wrong here, but, tell me if this, if you can relate to this at all, Diana, but, a lot of times I think that people kind of make the mistake of, waking up in the morning and kind of going about their morning routine or their day, and just kind of waiting to see what kind of day they’re going to have, you know, and they’ll wait to see what the weather’s like.
[00:33:33] Matthew Jacob: Or they’ll wait to see what traffic’s like, or maybe they stubbed their toe, or they lose their keys or that sort of thing. They’re, you know, in a hurry to get out the door. And I think that one of the best things that we can do. is to make up our mind first thing in the morning that today is going to be a great day.
[00:33:51] Matthew Jacob: And I think it was Abraham Lincoln who said, people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.
[00:33:57] Matthew Jacob: And, you know, my mentor, he says to me all the time, don’t be a cork in the ocean. And what he means by that is that sometimes, you know, we’ll go through our day or through our week and when things are going well, then we’re in a good mood.
[00:34:09] Matthew Jacob: And when things aren’t going so well, well, we let that take us down with them. And we spend our whole day and our whole week and our whole month kind of going up and down and up and down and up and down based on what’s happening around us. Rather than making a decision that, hey, you know what? Today’s going to be a great day.
[00:34:27] Matthew Jacob: And then go out there and start to look for things that make today great. And having a practice like setting your intentions daily can be a small but powerful little step to improving the quality of your day.
[00:34:42] Diana White: I love that. I love that. And I love that you were optimistic when you said people wake up neutral.
[00:34:48] Diana White: You know, most people I know wake up and they say, okay, what fresh hell is going to happen the day? Like they already expect which in turn, you could say that they’re going to bring it to them. Right. You know, that, that energy begets the same energy. So having the choice to say, I’m. going to choose happiness today. I’m going to purposely seek out the things that make me happy today. That, that’s a practice that I need to take away from our episode today and put into place.
[00:35:18] Matthew Jacob: Well, it’s actually, there’s a very scientific basis behind this too. And there’s a part of your brain that’s called your reticular activating system.
[00:35:27] Matthew Jacob: Okay, it’s called your RAS for short. And it’s the part of your brain that, like, filters out and picks out things that are important to you or relevant to you. And I don’t know if this has ever happened to you before, but like, have you ever bought like a new pair of shoes or a new like handbag or something like that?
[00:35:45] Matthew Jacob: And then when you’re out around town, you start to notice that shoe, those shoes everywhere. Yeah. That happens, right? Well, that’s your reticular activating system, bringing that to your awareness and telling you, hey, pay attention. This is important to you. And it’s like, you know, they say that it’s a lot easier to spot a blue car when you keep thinking blue car, blue car, blue car, blue car.
[00:36:08] Matthew Jacob: And, you know, we can actually prime our brain to start to pick out and notice things that are great about our day by telling ourself that today is going to be a great day. And then when we leave the house in the morning, our brains start to look at and notice all the things that are great about today.
[00:36:27] Matthew Jacob: But most people, like you said, are kind of in the habit of being like waking up, rolling over and be like, Oh, not again. You know? So yeah, I mean, happiness is absolutely a choice.

[00:36:39] Lesson 10: Shortest path to happiness is service to others.

[00:36:39] Diana White: I love that. Lesson number 10, the shortest path to happiness is service to others.
[00:36:47] Matthew Jacob: Right,
[00:36:47] Matthew Jacob: oftentimes as a kid, I heard things like, well, it’s always better to give than it is to receive. And I heard that, but I never believed it. You know, I always just wanted the presents, right? When you’re a kid, I think that’s probably pretty fair, pretty common. But as an adult, I’ve come to find that, if I’m ever experiencing a down day or a lull day or, you know, either a little bit down or depressed, I found that one of the best things that I can do in those kinds of instances or circumstances is to find somebody to be of service to.
[00:37:21] Matthew Jacob: Either reach out to somebody who I know is maybe, having a hard day themself, or connect with another person, or find some way to help somebody. That’s not me. And, yeah, my mentor, one of my mentors says to me, oftentimes he says, Matt, you want to solve 99 percent of your problems. Stop thinking about yourself so much.
[00:37:43] Matthew Jacob: And, you know, it kind of feels like a punch to the stomach every time he says that, but it’s true. And when I can find somebody to be a value to or somebody to serve, or, you know, maybe it’s even a random act of kindness or something like that. It really does fill us with the feelings of joy and happiness.
[00:38:01] Matthew Jacob: And, I remember couple of months ago, I was at a convenience store, not far from my house and I was walking out of the store and I was kind of in a little bit of, I was in my head and in a little bit of a frustrated state, and, there was a man in the parking lot who was clearly homeless.
[00:38:18] Matthew Jacob: He was in a wheelchair, you know, pretty dishevelled and a rough way. And, as I was walking by, he rolled up to me and he asked me if I had a couple of bucks to spare. And I said, no, I said, no, I don’t have any cash on me. And I kept walking and I got to my car, and I thought about it, and I thought, you know what?
[00:38:38] Matthew Jacob: Well, one, that’s not true. I’ve got a wallet full of cash right now. And, but the smallest bill that I had was a 5 bill. And so, I decided to go back. And so, I walked back to him, and I pulled out my wallet and I said, here you go, sir, I don’t have a couple of bucks, but I’ve got a five and you can have it.
[00:38:57] Matthew Jacob: And, he said, really, are you serious? And you should have seen the look on this man’s face. you should have seen the look on this man’s face. And he was just so overwhelmed and so overcome. He couldn’t believe that I was giving him five bucks. Okay, and I gave that to him and I turned around and I walked away and by the time I got back to my vehicle I’m, not too ashamed to admit this but I had a little bit of a breakdown and the reason was because This man was so overcome By somebody giving him five bucks To me, that didn’t mean anything.
[00:39:33] Matthew Jacob: Five bucks was whatever, take it or leave it kind of thing. But for him, that was everything. And I just thought, man, here I am taking all of the things that I have and everything that I’ve got going for me, taking it for granted, you know. And when I gave that man five dollars, the joy that I got from that You couldn’t have bought that in a store.
[00:39:53] Matthew Jacob: You, that, that, what I got from that, was way more than the five dollars in the monetary value. You know what I mean?
[00:40:00] Diana White: I agree. I, that is such a heartwarming story, and it puts into perspective Again, we, talked about this in the beginning where, you know, everybody’s rock bottom is different.
[00:40:12] Diana White: Everybody’s lottery is different. Everybody’s jackpot is different. Right? So, for, this man getting those 5 dollars. When he was only wishing he would get just two, that was his jackpot for the day. and you were able to make that happen because you stopped yourself from focusing on yourself, which is.
[00:40:33] Diana White: What your mentor was telling you to do. Right. That’s That is insane.
[00:40:39] Diana White: Well, out of all the wisdom that you’ve gained, what have you had to unlearn?
[00:40:45] Matthew Jacob: what have I had to unlearn?
[00:40:47] Matthew Jacob: you know, that’s a tough one. I, I’ve had to learn, relearn and unlearn a lot of things as I get older. and I think the biggest one that comes to mind, and maybe it’s just cause I’ve been talking about it a little bit today, Is that, you know, I think sometimes, especially in the media, we’re sold this idea, that, you know, alcohol equates fun, or that, you know, we can turn to things that are outside of us, to alleviate something inside of us.
[00:41:19] Matthew Jacob: Or that there’s something on the outside is going to make us feel better on the inside. And I think that one of the biggest things that I’ve had to learn is or unlearn is that it’s not the new car. It’s not the new house. It’s not the nice clothes. It’s not the substances. It’s not anything else.
[00:41:37] Matthew Jacob: That happiness really is an inside job. And, by going inside and doing the work on myself, actually gave me the best opportunity to improve the world around me and to make the most change and the biggest difference on my friends, my family, my finances, my health, and just my mental and emotional state overall.
[00:42:03] Matthew Jacob: And so, I think, for me, the biggest lesson I’ve had to, unlearn is just to spend less time focusing on the outside and trying to change other things or other people and spend more time focusing on me and what needs to change between my two ears and, you know, kind of in my heart. And when I do that, the outside world seems to take care of itself.
[00:42:25] Diana White: I love it. So, we already know from your bio that you’ve created some amazing programs. What are you, what are you working on now? And where can we find?
[00:42:36] Matthew Jacob: Right. Oh, I’ve always got a couple of irons in the fire. And, I’ve actually got, some information online, easiest to find on Instagram, probably where I’m most active.
[00:42:46] Matthew Jacob: and my handle there is at Matt. Jodouin. The last name is spelled J O D O U I N. And I regularly do, free workshops and seminars that are available to anybody who’s interested, and, they’re typically hands on and interactive, so we can, participate in some little activities to get you thinking, and, they’re full of tons of, like, useful tips, tools, and, resources that’ll benefit you.
[00:43:13] Matthew Jacob: And, yeah, that’s probably the easiest way to, to get in touch, but I’ve got a couple of eBooks out, one’s called Success Habits. And it’s, included in some of my programs, specifically the Success Principles program that I offer as well.
[00:43:29] Diana White: I want to thank my guest, Matthew, for sharing his lessons with us today.
[00:43:34] Diana White: You’ve been listening to 10 Lessons This episode is produced by Robert Hossary, supported as always by the Professional Development Forum Please tell us what you think of today’s lessons. You can email us at podcast@10lessonslearned.com
[00:43:50] Diana White: go ahead and hit that like button, subscribe, and turn on the notification bell so you don’t miss an episode of the only podcast that makes the world wiser lesson by lesson. Thank you everyone. Be safe.

 This episode is produced by Robert Hossary. Sponsored as always by Professional Development Forum. You can find the www.professionaldevelopmentforum.org you’ve heard from us we’d like to hear from you. Email us it’s podcast@10lessonslearned.com. Remember, this is the podcast the only podcast. That’s makes the world wiser lesson by lesson.

Share:

Facebook
Twitter
LinkedIn

Related Posts

Special Self Awareness

Special Episode – Self Awareness

In a special edition of 10 Lessons Learned, hosts Robert Hossary and Diana White delve into the importance of self-awareness, recognizing one’s biases, facing inner demons, and the value of humility. Through insightful guest lessons, they emphasize the need for continuous personal growth and reflection. The hosts share personal anecdotes to highlight the transformative impact of understanding oneself and embracing lifelong learning.

Read More »
Special Uncertainty

Special Episode – Embracing Uncertainty

Embrace uncertainty for growth! Join Siebe Van Der Zee and Yi Wang in a special episode of 10 Lessons Learned as they delve into the power of uncertainty. Sweaty palms, trembling voices – familiar feelings, right? Dive deep into insightful conversations and wisdoms shared by distinguished guests. Unlock untapped potential from our treasure trove of lessons!

Read More »
Special Self Awareness

Special Episode – Self Awareness

In a special edition of 10 Lessons Learned, hosts Robert Hossary and Diana White delve into the importance of self-awareness, recognizing one’s biases, facing inner demons, and the value of humility. Through insightful guest lessons, they emphasize the need for continuous personal growth and reflection. The hosts share personal anecdotes to highlight the transformative impact of understanding oneself and embracing lifelong learning.

Read More »