Annet Monster – The Key To Happiness Is To Detach

Siebe Vanderzee: Hello, and welcome to our podcast, 10 Lessons Learned, where we talk to interesting people from all over the world to uncover the lessons that have shaped their lives, their careers, and perhaps their business. My name is Siebe Van Der Zee, and I’m your host. Our guest today is Annet Monster. For more than two decades, Annet has worked in government and corporate roles in Europe, Africa, and in the United States.
Born and raised in the Netherlands, she has worked for the Dutch Embassy in Kenya, at the Ministry of Foreign Affair in the Netherlands, and for more than 15 years in project management and senior advisory roles at the Netherlands Embassy in Washington, DC.
Her global experience has given Annet an opportunity to develop a deep understanding of how change and culture can shape behavior.
It has also given her the ability to support, motivate, and inspire [00:01:00] others in meaningful and practical ways. Based on her lessons learned, Annet Monster applied her experience, knowledge, and motivation to start her own business a few years ago as a certified health coach and a national certified personal trainer.
You can learn a lot more about Annet on our website, 10 Lessons Learned, Annet, hello. Welcome to our program.
Thank you for joining us.
Annet Monster: Hello, Siebe. Goedemorgen. I’m so happy to be here. Thank you for having me.
Siebe Vanderzee: Ah, it’s wonderful. You have an incredible global background but maybe tell us a little bit more about yourself.
Annet Monster: Ooh, tell me more about myself. Where shall I start? So I am, A very curious and adventurous person from when I was little.
I didn’t realize it back then, but now, I realize it more and more every day. And that curiosity, even though I was a super shy kid growing up, that curiosity took over and that led me to, work [00:02:00] internationally. So, I worked at the Dutch Embassy in, Nairobi in Kenya for three years, which was a, a wonderful experience.
I worked at the Dutch Embassy in, Washington DC for 15 years, which was another great experience. And the past two years, when I started my online business, since I could work from anywhere in the world, it allowed me to travel and work at the same time. So, I feel very blessed and grateful, with the life that I’m living right now.
Siebe Vanderzee: That sounds wonderful. your global experience, in what way has that helped you and guided you to start your business and to become a personal trainer, personal coach? the global element, lessons that you’ve learned in different countries, I’m curious about that.
Annet Monster: Lessons that you learn is, and we talk about this a little bit more later, is you learn how to put things in perspective.
global experience, traveling alone, you’re confronted by yourself. You have to make your own decisions. You have to make your own rules. It builds resilience. and [00:03:00] all those qualities help me to start my own business because you need to be disciplined, you need to be self-motivated. and I’m not always motivated, but looking at the bigger picture, why, what is my intention?
Why did I want to do this in the first place? Always gives me the drive to keep going every day. And helping other people is, is a very humbling and grateful experience as well.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. What I find interesting, before we get into your lessons of course, is the fact that if you work for a government, in this case the Dutch government, big entities and in different countries, something triggered you as an individual to say after more than 20 years, “I want to do my own business.
I want to run my own business.” Yeah. Was there a moment or was this something that you anticipated years before you actually started your business? Was that a desire you always had or was it something that suddenly came to the surface?
Annet Monster: It’s been a desire that I had for a long time, at least 10, 10 years, and I was qualified as a coach, but I [00:04:00] was always looking for my niche.
because there’s so many coaches out there, and what makes me different from all the other ones? And I think it’s my burnout that I had 10 years ago that started my own personal health journey, and all the steps that I took from feeling overwhelmed, feeling burned out, to a place- what I call now freedom.
I’ve learned so many lessons there, and it made me want to help other people who are stuck as well because it’s not easy when you’re in that place, like the deepest point of your life. How do I get out here? And I, I want to take my lessons learned and help other people to get unstuck as well.
and that’s why I got certified and got all the papers and, uh, certification to, to able to help other people.
Siebe Vanderzee: Perfect. No, it, it makes a lot of sense when you say it like that, that you come to a point in your life, in your mindset, you say, “Oh, I got to do something different.” And-
Annet Monster: Yeah …
Siebe Vanderzee: also, that fits with 10 [00:05:00] lessons learned, to apply your lessons to help other people, to motivate other people, so I, I like that.
Before we get into your 10 lessons- Yeah … I’m just curious, is there perhaps a lesson that you wish you would have learned when you were, let’s say, 25 years old?
Annet Monster: Many. If I have to pick one is, I would say, your, the quality of your life is the quality of your thoughts. because we can be so hard on ourselves.
we all have this internal dialogue, “I’m not good enough. Other people are better than me. I’m not worthy,” whatever it may be. and I think when we start to learn to talk to ourselves like we speak to a loved one, I would never… I have a son who is 20, and he’s my everything. I would never tell him, “You’re not good enough.”
I would always tell him, “You have the capacity. You’re amazing.” If we start talking to ourselves like how we talk to other people, everything will shift, and you will show up as a better person for other people as well.
Siebe Vanderzee: [00:06:00] Yeah. and I cannot help myself but thinking sometimes in the Dutch culture- … I think sometimes we tend to be, I don’t want to say negative, but critical- Yeah.
in order to motivate people. And perhaps in other countries we want to say, “You’re a great person. Don’t worry about it. You’ll be fine.” I’m not sure if your experience in the Netherlands is different than mine.
Annet Monster: But no, I know what you’re saying. I’ve been abroad for over 20 years, so- Yeah … I disconnected also from the Netherlands, so I’m not really, objective in that sense, but I know what you’re saying.
But even then, I think if I look at my sister, she would never tell her son, “Oh, that’s too difficult for you,” or she’s always supportive. Yeah. And all the people that I know in the Netherlands are like that.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. So
Annet Monster: think of the person you love deeply, who want, you want to succeed, who you inspire, who is your everything, and talk to yourself like how you talk to that person.
Siebe Vanderzee: Makes sense. Makes a lot of sense. I appreciate that. Thank you. I’m looking forward to your 10 lessons. Let’s start with

Lesson 1: Respond vs. React

Siebe Vanderzee: lesson [00:07:00] number one. Okay. Respond versus reply. What are your thoughts on that?
Annet Monster: Yeah, so respond versus react. So, when something, when you hear something or you see something and you feel triggered or you feel attacked, our first, response is to react, to go into defense mode.
But I learned instead, if you take a pause, if you take some space to manage your emotions, and it’s not always easy to have that silence, but it helps you to think a little bit more clear and to have a better control over your response.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
Annet Monster: and it reminds me of, Jefferson Fisher. He’s a trial lawyer.
He’s a communication expert in the US. he’s written a book about it.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
Annet Monster: And he’s saying there’s a space between an action and a reaction. So, if someone insults you or s- makes a mean comment, you can say, “How do you expect me to respond to that?” So, see it as a gift that someone is trying to give you, but you really don’t [00:08:00] want it, so you look at it, you acknowledge it, and then you reject it, So you still hear the words, but you don’t take the insult. And another thing that comes to mind is a quote that I love from, Peter Crone. He’s a life coach, and he says, “Life will present you with people and experiences to reveal where you’re not free.” So, if you and I were to be somewhere talking to someone and that person makes a comment and I’m like, “What?”
I feel like, oh, all the emotions going on, and I look at you, and you are unbothered, and you don’t care at all. So instead of thinking, “Why do you say that?” I can say, “Oh, what does it say about me?” So, then I always try to dig a little bit deeper and think, “When was the last time I felt like that?”
Yeah. And sometimes we have to go all the way back to our childhood. Yes. And then you think, “Ah, okay, that’s a blind spot that I wasn’t aware of,” And when the awareness comes, then you realize, maybe I had something in there that need a little bit more attention, that needed maybe some healing.
So, when you go through that [00:09:00] process, you notice the next time when someone is making a similar comment, it doesn’t affect you as much. So, it’s an opportunity to be, to be free, and it doesn’t justify the mean comment, but it gives you an opportunity to be more in control of your own emotions.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. And of course, there are moments, sometimes when suddenly certain things happen, and you respond.
It could be in a traffic situation where someone cuts you off. Yeah. do you believe in that sense that you have to train your brain so that you are prepared for situations that you don’t expect, but suddenly … And you can say, “Okay, I’m not going to go yell at that other driver or get upset. I have to keep my thoughts under control.”
is that part of your thinking?
Annet Monster: Yeah. That’s a good question because when I went to work in DC there was a lot of that. People cut you off, they drive slowly, so many opportunities to be upset. So, when I got upset, I’m thinking, “Okay, who is suffering now? The person [00:10:00] who’s driving slowly or me?” Me. I don’t even know that person, so I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, doubt.
So, I was telling myself maybe that person was in a car accident not too long ago, and now he or she is very terrified to go back on the road, so let me give that person the benefit of the doubt, not to give that person a break, but to give myself a break.
Siebe Vanderzee: I like it. Yeah. And that’s, that’s, a- again, I think that’s important for people to be prepared for situations that are not happening right now, but if those situations happen- Yeah.
they say, “Okay, take a break or give yourself- Yeah … a few seconds to think, et cetera, but-
Annet Monster: Yeah …
Siebe Vanderzee: excellent. Great lesson. Let’s move on,

Lesson 2: Don’t Judge, Be Curious

Siebe Vanderzee: lesson number two. Yeah. Don’t judge, be curious instead.
Annet Monster: so, we all have a tendency to judge, me included, and I still do it sometimes.
I try to be more aware of it. But then I ask myself, “Okay, it’s so easy to judge that person of about what he or she is saying [00:11:00] or doing,” but if I was born where that person was born with the same parents, with the same care- takers, with the same circumstances, situations, friends, upbringing, I would have done exactly the same thing.
So, who am I to tell you that what you do is wrong? And who am I to tell you that my way is better or the only way? It’s kind of arrogant to think like that. so that was a big lesson for me. And- Also what we just, mentioned about the, the car, the driving. We never know what’s, what someone is going through.
I think everyone is struggling with a battle that we’re not aware of, so to be a little bit more compassionate. And I can give an example of my own life. my sister, who is my best friend, who I love deeply, she’s in the Netherlands, and whenever I visit her, she is… She likes to be, have her house, perfectly under control.
Everything is, has a place. So, if she has a candle on her dining table and I move it, an inch, she will notice it. But it’s okay. [00:12:00] That’s how she’s happy. So, one day I was getting ready to go somewhere. I packed a bag. I put it on the floor next to the dining table, run into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.
Went back, the bag was gone. She put it next to the stairs or to the front door. I was like, “Why do you always do that? I wasn’t finished yet.” And then she said, “Well, my husband,” so my brother-in-law, “he was having some eye problems, so he cannot see below a certain level. So, I’m afraid that if he… If you leave it there, he will trip over it.”
So, it was ma- it was for his safety, and of course I felt so bad when she said that. And that made me realize even though you think you know someone for, in my case, 50 years, we still don’t know, So always be curious, yeah, and give people the benefit of the doubt.
Siebe Vanderzee: I think it’s a very important lesson.
I apply it. I learned, and I typically think about the fact that, and I point at myself, we all make mistakes. Yeah. And I believe every human being, and not because we [00:13:00] are, different, whatever, we are all very quick to judge. And when we see things that are different than what we expect, it could be if you go out in a restaurant in your own country, you know what you expect and the timeline, etc.,
and leaving a tip or no tip, but you go to a different country it’s just eating a meal. It’s nothing m-… people tend to judge. “Look at what they’re eating,” and- Yeah … and “Look at what time the restaurants open.”
Annet Monster: Yeah …
Siebe Vanderzee: and it’s all human. Yeah. So, to train your brain, again, not to be judgmental but to understand what is- Absolutely.
happening, that, that- Yeah … I think is… It’s not easy- Wonderful … right? Because it’s an automatic- No … for us to say- Yeah … “That’s wrong,” or “Look at that,” or… Yeah. Fascinating. it’s, Yeah … I think very helpful.

Lesson 3: When Nothing Goes Right, Go Left

Siebe Vanderzee: lesson number three.
I’m curious, before I mention it when nothing goes right, go left.
Yeah. Yes. And you don’t mean, you don’t mean politics, right?
Annet Monster: No, we’re [00:14:00] not talking politics today. Thank
Siebe Vanderzee: you.
Annet Monster: Thank you. It has a whole different meaning. Sure. let me explain. W- So-
Siebe Vanderzee: Please …
Annet Monster: when I left the DC, I moved back to the Netherlands, and my plan was I’m going to look for a part-time job, and I’m going to start my business, look for a nice apartment, build my life there, and then everything is perfect.
It didn’t go like that. The job hunting was a little bit more difficult than I thought it would be. Finding an apartment was challenging. so, I thought, “Okay, what do I do? This is not working apparently.” And then it reminded me of a quote that I once saw in a sandwich shop in the US, and that said, “When nothing goes right, go left.”
So, I thought maybe it’s time for me to go left, whatever left is. So, I-
Siebe Vanderzee: Whatever left is, yeah …
Annet Monster: I… Yeah. And when I aligned, I thought, “What is important to me? What makes me happy?” I love being close to the water, to be in nature. I love to be in a supportive community. I love a healthy lifestyle. I love people who inspire, who motivate.
And Bali popped up, so I thought, [00:15:00] “Why not?” So, two weeks later, I was in Bali. I joined a CrossFit program.
Siebe Vanderzee: In Indonesia, right?
Annet Monster: yeah, yeah. And, it had everything that I was looking for. the community, the nice people, and everything. So, it created so much space in my head that, new things, were, like, born.
so, I created my website. I started social media. I registered my coaching business, and that was the start of a new chapter in my life, so my online coaching business. And it doesn’t mean when you go left that you give up on your goals. it means sometimes it takes a different, more creative approach to, to get to where you want to be.
Siebe Vanderzee: You open yourself up for other opportunities, for new opportunities and maybe different thought, thinking, or different thought processes. Yeah. just, yeah, and I think it’s fair. I understand for many people that they keep doing what they’re doing, and they don’t maybe have an opportunity like you had and I’ve had to travel to other countries and to experience it. [00:16:00]
So just keep doing what you’re doing. And at the same time, I think it’s helpful for every person to be able to, I don’t want to say test their brain- … but to experience things and understand that sometimes try something different that is maybe not number one on your list, but- Yeah … let’s figure it out.
Curiosity and experience, and it may broaden your understanding of, of what’s happening in the world.
Annet Monster: Yeah. Yeah. That’s how it felt like, for sure. Yeah.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. Interesting. Great.

Lesson 4: When You Learn, Teach

Siebe Vanderzee: Lesson number four: when you learn, teach. When you receive, give.
Annet Monster: Yeah, that’s a beautiful quote by Maya Angelou, and it makes so much sense to me because we all learn our lessons in life.
And instead of keeping them to yourself, like I know all this now, I think it’s, it’s important to share whatever you learn. So, I did it, for example, by, writing and publishing [00:17:00] a book about my personal story, how I went from a near burnout 10 years ago. To a place, what we said earlier, to a place of freedom, what I consider where I am right now, and the seven steps it took me to, to get to that place.
And my intention for writing that book is not to write a bestseller, but to help people who feel stuck in life and don’t know how to get out of that situation. So that was my, my way of,
Siebe Vanderzee: what is the name of your book? I’m curious.
Annet Monster: Oh, it’s called From Overwhelm to Freedom: Seven Steps to, Protect Your Inner Peace.
That’s the name. Yeah. And I think another, another good way is to, when you feel stuck, because we’re so focused and me included, on ourselves, like how do I get better at my job? How can I make more money? How do I d- We have to do so many things. and instead of focusing on that, we can turn the camera to, to the other side and focus on something that is bigger than [00:18:00] you.
So, for me, that was volunteering. Last year, I went to Costa Rica, and I spent a month, working at a, a wildlife animal rescue center. And what we did every morning at 7:00 a.m., we started chopping fruit and vegetables for hours. We put everything in a wheelbarrow. We walked around in the park. We fed the monkeys, the sloths, the macaws.
So, it was very, very physical. Long days. We only had cold showers. We had rice and beans three times a day. The first two days you think, “Oh, nice,” but after a week you think, “Okay.” but that was not important at all because it, it was such a humbling experience knowing that you contribute to something bigger than yourself.
And that also creates space in your head to be, to be more, appreciative and grateful for life because we are very blessed, I think with the life that we’re living yeah, and I think when people are stuck, I think the best thing or the first question you can ask yourself, [00:19:00] “How can I help?
How can I serve?” And just take the spotlight off from yourself and focus on something that is bigger than you. I think that’s a very good first step to get unstuck in life.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. Well- it’s powerful what you’re saying. I, there’s a lot of thoughts that go through my mind because I can see, that if you are out there to help other people, and even working with animals- Yeah.
that you help them, but indeed it makes you feel good. Yeah. And that’s not the purpose to say, “Oh, now I feel good,” right? No. The purpose is to help these people, and that’s all there is to it. Yeah. But it is definitely something I hear from many people that, it makes them feel good. And, at the same time, as you said, you’ve gone through a lot of things.
Have you received help from people, a coach or someone in your own life, in your own career where you say that individual… Maybe your sister, right? May- but someone- Yeah … in your network [00:20:00] that said, “Annet, I’m here to help. What can I do?” Or “I suggest you do this. You… I suggest that…” Have you had that yourself?
Annet Monster: Without asking for it, there are so many people who have, supported me on my journey, family, and friends, that I’m so grateful for. I always say some people come into your life for an hour, some for a day, some for a month, some for a lifetime. But it all has a purpose for you to learn something from that experience.
So, I, there are so many people who have helped me without me asking who were just there for me. Yeah. Who were just present and guide me. And I’m working with… not working. I have a, a friend and she’s also a coach, and every two weeks we check in on each other.
Siebe Vanderzee: Ah, yeah.
Annet Monster: That, that’s amazing.
We don’t charge each other, of course, but we set goals and we hold each other accountable, and that’s such a great way to stay on track and to have someone l- listening to you to, to hold space for you.
Siebe Vanderzee: I was thinking of that. To, to- Yeah … bounce it.
Annet Monster: off [00:21:00]
Siebe Vanderzee: and- That is so powerful …
Annet Monster: yeah. So powerful.
Siebe Vanderzee: Very helpful. Yeah.
Annet Monster: Yeah. Yeah.
Siebe Vanderzee: it kind of leads to when I look at.

Lesson 5: No Pain, No Gain

Siebe Vanderzee: lesson number five-
Annet Monster: Yeah …
Siebe Vanderzee: no pain, no gain.
Annet Monster: That sounds a little harsh.
Siebe Vanderzee: and at the same time- A
Annet Monster: little
Siebe Vanderzee: harsh. … it’s, it’s, being applied. No pain, no gain- Yeah … et cetera. But what are your thoughts on that?
Annet Monster: Yeah. So, I always look for opportunities to step out of my comfort zone, because otherwise if I don’t learn, if I don’t grow, I feel I take a step back.
So how can I challenge myself to become better or to show up better for other people? When I was in the Philippines earlier this year, I was on an island called Boracay, and I thought, “Let me do something different. Let me take Muay Thai boxing lessons.” I have never done that before. Wow. It’s new. And at that time, I thought I was pretty fit.
I went to the gym often. I had a healthy lifestyle, good sleep, no alcohol, all those things. So, I thought, “I can do this.” I went there. I met Rufino. Rufino is a Muay Thai boxer. He’s a local [00:22:00] champ. Super nice guy. And he s- he gave me jumping rope. He said, “Okay, jump for 10 minutes.” I “I can do that.” So, jumping.
Then he said, “Okay, now we’re going to do 10 minutes of dynamic stretching.” Said, “I can do that, too.” So, after that, 20 minutes. And then he said, “We’re going to do 10 minutes of cardio drills.” Said, “Okay, I can do that, too.” So, after 30 minutes I was, like, sweating. I was sitting down. Wow. And then he gave me boxing gloves.
He said, “Okay, now we’re going to start.” I said- … “Really?” So, he, he learned… He taught me to push through pain, not physically, but mostly mentally, because it’s just a mental game. Yeah. We are capable of so much more than we think we are. So, I not only learned new skill, but I also gained confidence.
And I think it’s, it’s… When you go to the gym, if you grab that five-pound dumbbell, year after year, not much will happen. you still look the same. If you want to grow bigger muscles, you have to challenge yourself. You go through a little bit of pain [00:23:00] and soreness, but then you get used to, you get bigger.
And I think that lesson applies to life as well. Yeah. I- So that’s what I’ve learned …
Siebe Vanderzee: I like it because it applies to me as well. And, and- Yeah … in that sense, I like to push myself, and, and-
Annet Monster: Yeah …
Siebe Vanderzee: don’t worry. no, I like to do that. it’s not- Yeah, yeah … that somebody tells me to do that.
I like to do that. Yeah. And it makes me and perhaps you, makes you feel better. you put in the effort and hopefully with the result that you were looking for.
Annet Monster: Yeah …
Siebe Vanderzee: keep trying. Never give up. Yeah. That kind of m- attitude.
Annet Monster: The w- the reward is amazing afterwards, but you have to get through it to get to that place.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. Absolutely.
Annet Monster: Yeah.
Siebe Vanderzee: So, before we move on, a quick message to our listeners. We really appreciate your support, whether it is sharing our podcast with a friend or leaving a comment. Please subscribe to our podcast so that you never miss a lesson that could impact your life and perhaps your career. Our guest today is Annet Monster, a certified national health coach and certified personal trainer with [00:24:00] extensive global expertise, sharing her 10 lessons learned.
All right, moving on.

Lesson 6: Travel, Travel, Travel

Siebe Vanderzee: Lesson number six. Yes. I like it. Travel, travel, travel, travel. should I ask- Yeah … what do you mean? I think I know.
Annet Monster: It sounds obvious, but I can recommend it to, to anyone because you learn to put things in perspective. you meet people all over the world, and we may look different.
We may have different foods, rituals, habits, language. but in the end of the day, we all have the same basic needs. We all need shelter and food. We all want to be seen, safe, and loved. And I spent six weeks in, Nepal also earlier this year, and I stay… I was very blessed that I could stay with a traditional Nepalese family who owned an orphanage where I was helping out.
And after one week staying at their house, they called me Didi. I said, “What is Didi?” And they said, “That [00:25:00] means sister. You’re part-” Oh … “of the family now.” I said, “Oh.”
Siebe Vanderzee: Wow.
Annet Monster: Wow. I was really touched by that. I got tears in my eyes when she said that.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
Annet Monster: She said, “You know what, Annie?” They called me Annie.
She said, “If you want, you can stay here for the rest of your life. You’re part of our family now.”
Siebe Vanderzee: Wow.
Annet Monster: So, their hospitality is something beyond I’ve ever experienced in my life.
Siebe Vanderzee: Wow.
Annet Monster: And another, another example I have, when I was in Kenya, my mom, who was 72 at the time, she said, “I’m coming to see you.” She had never f- on a plane before.
She said, “But for you, I’ll do it.” So now that, that’s amazing. So, I told Sarah, my housekeeper and all, a very sweet lady, and she was so excited. She didn’t know my mom, but she was so happy to meet her. So, what she did with the little money that she had, she bought ingredients and she prepared a meal.
So, when my mom was there, she gave her not just a meal, but she also bought a purse for her. So, I learned by traveling that life is not at all about possessions. It’s [00:26:00] all about experiences, and you gain so much from it. It’s such a blessing. Yeah.
Siebe Vanderzee: Wow. I have a trick question for you now that you mention that.
do you know how many countries you have visited?
Annet Monster: Oh,
Siebe Vanderzee: I- That’s the answer. That’s the answer. Y- you don’t know, right? Because you do- I don’t.
Annet Monster: I don’t keep track of it, but,
Siebe Vanderzee: But compare that to so many people around the globe- Yeah … and our listeners- Yeah … at least some of them, that say, “I’ve never been to a foreign country.”
And you have been to at least- Yeah … 10, but probably more than 10 countries.
Annet Monster: Yeah. My guess- Double, I
Siebe Vanderzee: think.
Annet Monster: and I understand because traveling can be expensive. I do understand it. I have to say, I don’t have, I d- I don’t have a home, so my home is wherever my travel is. So, I don’t have all those expenses like paying the bills, paying the mortgage.
my son is 20. He’s independent. He’s in college right now. and I took care of him, for 20 years, so [00:27:00] in that time I didn’t travel too much. I did, but not as much as I do now. So, I want to clarify that because I know it’s not for everyone, but if you can make the smallest trip or if you can volunteer.
I’m not staying in five-star hotels. I’m staying in very basic Airbnbs, with the basic needs, I have a bed, I have a warm shower, and that’s all I need. But it helps you to gain clarity to, to look at the bigger picture. it’s such… You learn things that you don’t learn at school.
So, I, I can highly recommend it.
Siebe Vanderzee: Absolutely. I have another- I almost want to say silly question. Do you have a favorite country? And you don’t have to say yes, because it could be multiple countries, and depending on the time of year or whatever. Yeah. But is there a favorite?
Annet Monster: it’s… I wouldn’t say a country, but I would say an environment, and those are the things that I mentioned before.
I like to be surrounded with people who are kind, who are warm, who are supportive, where there’s an active community. so- Close to the ocean, you mentioned … more, more [00:28:00] close to the water, nature. I love hiking. So, if, if it’s anywhere, I’m currently in South America. I love South America. I think the people are very kind, warm, passionate, and that makes me a kinder person as well.
So that’s what I’m looking for. Yeah. So, I’m not going to pick one country, but it’s more the, the environment. Yeah.
Siebe Vanderzee: I wouldn’t be able to answer it either.
Annet Monster: No.
Siebe Vanderzee: and it depends on what are we talking about, what issue, what topic, whatever. But- Yeah … yeah, it makes sense the more you experience the world, that you don’t say, “Well, that one is better than that one.”
it’s almost silly to, to- They all.
Annet Monster: have something- Yeah. … something beautiful. Yeah. Of course.
Siebe Vanderzee: They all have
Annet Monster: something beautiful.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. Yeah. all right. let’s take a look at the next one,

Lesson 7: You Become Who You Surround Yourself With

Siebe Vanderzee: lesson number seven. Yeah. You become the person you surround yourself with.
Annet Monster: I’m curious- Oh, that’s a good follow-up.
That’s a good follow-up. Exactly. So, y- you can be the most optimistic, positive person, but if you day by day are surrounded by people who [00:29:00] criticize everything, who are judgemental, who have a very negative view of the world, who maybe party a lot, drink a lot, it does affect you whether you like it or not.
and I made a conscious decision, it was a hard decision a while back, to distance my friend- myself from the Debbie Downers, as I c- as I call it, the people who see everything through a negative lens, and to surround myself with uplifters, people who support you, people who see the good in things. and that made such a big difference in my life.
Yeah. And it’s hard because sometimes you have friends for a long time- And you know they’re not the best influence on you to make a good decision. “Okay, I’m going to spend less time with that person.” But if it’s for your health, especially mental health, sometimes you have to do that. Yeah.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. No, I, again, I agree. And I think also if you or I in this case are… If you’re in a strong mental state and you have people [00:30:00] in your surroundings and they’re maybe not behaving well, whatever it can be, I don’t know how to describe it, but then, you give them a break because you know that person and he or she, that’s not how they have been their whole lives perhaps, and they’re going through a, a rough situation, so give them some space-
Annet Monster: Yeah
Siebe Vanderzee: to deal with that instead of criticizing- Yeah … and say, “You’re doing this wrong.” But it takes some capacity for you to be able to do that. It’s not, that you look around and people who are not nice to you say, “Oh, don’t worry. whatever you do, it’s fine.” no, no. Yeah. Yeah. There have to be some guidelines, or guardrails.
Yeah.
We all have bad days. I have bad days too, And then you’re there for each other. You support each other. But if it’s, always, if a person is always like that, and it doesn’t mean that I’m better than that person. Not at all. It’s just, it doesn’t, it doesn’t support the health journey that I’m personally on, Exactly.
Annet Monster: So, it may be a perfect friend for someone else, and that is fine. It’s just for the [00:31:00] time that I am right now in my life, it’s not very supportive, so then I have to protect my peace. Yeah.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. Yeah. and, in a business environment, as a recruiter, I cannot expect every person I talk to tell me the whole story, the whole true story.
And that’s not- doesn’t mean I, I’m suspicious, I don’t trust people. It’s just being aware that it may take time to learn more about that person, not in the first conversation where they’re trying to present themselves as a candidate for a job. You get the good side- Yeah … the skills they have, but maybe not that background story.
That is part of them, but it takes- Yeah … some time, to discover that. Yeah. So that makes sense. Yeah.

Lesson 8: Your Cravings Reveal Something Deeper

Siebe Vanderzee: Lesson number eight. We’re moving along. Yeah … it almost makes me hungry. Your cravings reveal something deeper.
Annet Monster: Yeah. Yeah. I put it there be- as part of my work as a holistic health coach, nutrition coach, because we all have cravings.
Me too. And to give… [00:32:00] to share a personal story, when I was in the US I used to go to the Whole Foods, and when you enter the Whole Foods, you have this nice display of fruits and vegetables, and everything is organic. Just walking through that store makes you feel like, “I’m a healthy person,” But then I ended up at the bakery, and then you have those fresh pies and all, everything, and I always grab a- an apple pie, put it in my basket, took it back home.
And when I got home, before I even put the groceries away, I was cutting a slice. I was eating it. It was nice, but I didn’t really enjoy it. So, I thought, “What is it with this apple pie? why not like a s- an- another pie for example?” And then I was thinking, “Okay, ah, when I was young growing up, we are family of five.
I have two older siblings. And whenever there was a birthday, my mom always asked me, “Can you make an apple pie?” I say yes, because I love creating things, Whether it’s an apple pie, a project, it doesn’t matter. I love to create. So, I was always trying to make this one better than the last one. [00:33:00] So I put it in the oven, and then the whole house started of smells, to smell of apple pie.
It was always like a fun day. People were happy, friends, family. And then when the apple pie came out, we all ate it. Everyone said, “Oh, it’s so good.” Then it clicked. I’m not craving the apple pie, I’m craving the, the feeling associated with it. So, it’s like an anchor. It’s NLP. so, I was craving the feel- the feeling of togetherness, of community, of- Yeah.
warmth, of laughter, of joy. So, when I realized that, the next time I went to the Whole Foods and I was a bit… because it was becoming a habit, instead of grabbing it, I thought, “Okay, no. Let me FaceTime my sister.” Because then I get the same outcome. I get the feeling of joy and warmth and happiness, but it’s a much healthier way of getting to that feeling, So that’s why always when I talk to clients about nutrition, “What are your cravings and where does it come from?” So, to have that awareness, I think, is the first step of making changes in, in, a healthy diet.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. No, I like it. and it, it makes a lot of [00:34:00] sense. And, again, we’re both from the Netherlands, but Indonesian food for me is still- Yeah.
very special, and it’s not something that is readily available in the United States, Indonesian food. But if it is there, it brings back so many thoughts and memories and, and- Yeah … wow. And there could be other food items that rings a bell, “Oh, remember we went here?” or “Remember I went…” Yeah. And I think it makes sense.
Annet Monster: You also have it with music. Sometimes you are driving in the car, and then there’s a song on the radio, and then you have a smile on your face, “What?” But it reminds you of, maybe a, a nice vacation that you once had. So sometimes an anchor is visual. Sometimes it’s taste. Something is, it- it’s something you hear.
but they’re all connected to a memory in the past that had a strong emotion to it.
Siebe Vanderzee: Exactly. Yeah. great lesson.
Annet Monster: Yeah.
Siebe Vanderzee: I like the next one too, by the way.

Lesson 9: The Key to Happiness is to Detach

Siebe Vanderzee: Lesson number nine: The key to happiness is to detach.
that was a hard lesson to learn, but I’m glad I was presented with that [00:35:00] lesson.
Annet Monster: So- When I left my job in DC two years ago, I had a really nice job. I had nice colleagues. I was very happy. I had a super nice apartment. I had a car, nice m- gym membership. but it was time for me to leave and to start a new chapter in my life. I left my job. I sold all my furniture. I gave my clothes away.
I gave my car to my son. And then I ended up from having all of that to only two suitcases. That was my life. Wow. Two suitcases, my clothes- Wow … and a few personal items. And in the beginning, it felt so light and free, I thought, “This is amazing.” But then over time I kind of started to feel lost, “Who am I without my job title?”
It was like I lost my identity in a way. I had to re- discover myself if I may say.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
Annet Monster: So, when I started traveling, I was confronted with, myself, and that taught me to find the real joy in life, and the happiness. And, I always say the more things you own, [00:36:00] the more things own you.
It was also an important lesson when I was in Nepal where I learned that 2.5 million people only have $1 per day to- Wow … to live on. And yet they apparently are one of the most happiest people in the world, and I was wondering, what is it about it? But they focus so much on community, sharing a meal together, family, spirituality.
they’re super proud of their country. So yeah, I learned that happiness is all about experiences and not about possessions. Yeah.
Siebe Vanderzee: very valuable and, yeah, I have experienced, experienced similar, situations.
And I almost feel that I wish that most people had that possibility to experience a life different from how they were born and raised, because it teaches something a- about yourself, right? that, that’s what you’re talking about.
Annet Monster: Yeah, and it doesn’t mean that you’re, you cannot enjoy the nicer things in life. I [00:37:00] love shopping. I still do it. I like the nicer things, but I’m not attached to it. So, if I don’t have it, I’m also okay. I think, yeah, I think that’s the lesson that I learned.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
Annet Monster: Yeah. Be okay- Well- … without it.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
No, it’s a good one.

Lesson 10: Quality of Life = Quality of Thoughts

Siebe Vanderzee: Lesson number 10. the quality of life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
Annet Monster: Yeah. I learned that, in COVID time. So, at that time my job was super busy. I was managing several projects and events, and of course everything got canceled. We sat at home.
I have all this time, so let me check the news. So many people died today. This is happening. It was- Yeah … so negative. And I thought- Yeah … if I keep doing this, it’s not going to be, um, good for my health, for my mental health. So- Yeah … I had to make a decision. So, I canceled my TV. I stopped watching the news.
And- Wow … I started my day; I started my day with a gratitude practice. So, every morning when I woke up, before breakfast, before shower, before t- checking my phone, I just sit down, sometimes five, sometimes 10 minutes, [00:38:00] what is going right in my world. So, I have a warm bed. uh, it’s very basic, but And I have a warm shower.
I have food. I have a family. I have my son. I have nice friends. And sometimes the list was a little bit longer than other days, but when you start your day with gratitude, it’s like you’re viewing the world through a lens of gratitude. I noticed when I was watching the news, I f- started the day feeling miserable, and then everything you do, say or act comes from a place of misery.
If you start with gratitude, everything you do, say or act comes from a place of gratitude, and I think, it, to me, that feels a lot better to be in that state, emotional state. so yeah, that was the lesson. And there’s a lot going on in the world that we have no control over, and that goes back to the first lesson.
It’s how we respond to it, So I can be affected by the war in Ukraine, I can be affected and feel empathy for that, and that’s okay. But don’t let [00:39:00] it- take control over your emotion because it’s, it doesn’t serve you and it doesn’t serve the people around you Yeah. If that
Siebe Vanderzee: makes sense.
Fascinating. Yeah, it does. Yeah. It does. I have to throw a, a, another, another question at you if I may. Yeah. with everything you have experienced, is there perhaps a lesson in your life or in your career that you have, I want to say, unlearned, where you decided, “I got to do things differently”?
Annet Monster: Yeah.
Siebe Vanderzee: Is there one that st- stands out that you say, “That was a, a crucial moment in my life”?
Annet Monster: Yeah, when I, in my previous job when I just started there, sometimes you’re invited for receptions, network events, and then I notice people always ask you, “What do you do? Where do you work?” And I felt oh, I don’t have a PhD, or I don’t work at a multinational, or I don’t have this super senior job.
Yeah. So, I felt almost, judged, even though maybe they didn’t judge [00:40:00] me. So, I thought my value was based on my education, my job title, and all those things.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
Annet Monster: And then I realized a job is something you do, it’s not who you are. Because if you lose your job next year, who are you? So, I learned that it’s way more important, what makes you smile?
what excites you when you get up in the morning? What are your core values? What do you do to contribute to the world? What are you most passionate about? So, I had to unlearn that my self-worth is based, not based on titles or degrees, but it’s more based on, on w- who I am, at my core. And that’s how I view other people as well.
Yeah.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. I, again, I think there’s a lot of wisdom in there. because if we measure ourselves by, whatever, university degree or the amount of money that you’re making… these are relevant things, I’m not denying that. Yeah. But if you feel comfortable, as we like to say, between your ears, if your [00:41:00] mind is like, “Okay, this is going well, and I’m glad the people around me, I can help them, I can support them,” yeah, I think sometimes, not for everyone perhaps, but that gives greater satisfaction than to look at your bank account and say, “Wow, look at me.”
Annet Monster: yeah. And it’s not that I don’t respect people, because I know it takes a lot of- … work and effort and time to get to that place. but it doesn’t define you. There’s more to it, Yeah.
Siebe Vanderzee: Absolutely. listen, Annet, I really want to thank you for joining us today and sharing your lessons of wisdom-
with our global audience. as we say in Dutch, hartelijk dank. Thank you. No one else will say it like that. thank you.
Annet Monster: I’ll say namaste. Thank you so much. It was a pleasure. And yeah.
Siebe Vanderzee: Merci beaucoup. Muchas gracias. Muchas gracias. We can cover a lot of languages here. Muchas gracias,
Annet Monster: indeed. Con mucho gusto.
Siebe Vanderzee: I have a few closing comments. you’ve been listening to our international podcast, 10 Lessons Learned, and this episode is produced by Robert Hossary, and [00:42:00] as always, we are supported by the Pro- Professional Development Forum. I also want to give my thanks to our amazing team, Yi Wang, our marketing and social media manager; Codie Comeau and Birdum Oz, our episode editors.
Our guest today was Annet Monster, a certified, national health coach and a certified personal trainer with extensive global expertise sharing her 10 lessons learned. And to our audience, don’t forget to subscribe so that you never miss a lesson that could change your life and perhaps your career.
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Thanks to our 10 Lessons team that make our show possible: Our Episode Editor Codie Comeau, Marketing and social media managed by Yi Wang, and our Producer Robert Hossary. Sponsored as always by Professional Development Forum. You can find the www.professionaldevelopmentforum.org.

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