Dr Joel Martin – The most important superpowers you have is the ability to choose

[00:00:08] Diana White: Hello, and welcome to 10 lessons. It took me 50 years to learn where we dispense wisdom to an international audience of rising leaders. My name is Diana White and I’m your host. This show was sponsored by the Professional Development Forum, which helps diverse young professionals of any age, accelerate their performance in the modern workplace on 10 Lessons.

[00:00:31] You’ll hear honest, practical advice that you cannot learn from a textbook today’s guest is Dr. Joel Martin. Dr. Joel Martin, founder of Triad West Inc, is a trainer, coach, and speaker delivering breakthrough leadership performance, D E and I training and organizational change. Dr. Martin has worked with diverse audiences of thousands of clients across the US.

[00:00:58] And in I’m going to take a breath for this, Dr. Martin, China, Taiwan, Russia, Malaysia Republic of South Africa, France, United Kingdom, and Norway changing lives for the better. Dr. Martin has earned a PhD in communications, a master’s in psychology and admission as a Wharton fellow of Wharton Business School.

[00:01:22] She is the author of How To Be A Positively Powerful Person as well as three other books. She is also the founder of the annual Positively Powerful Women Awards. Educational summit and leadership conference.

[00:01:39] Dr. Martin was previously one of the first women to own and operate a full-service advertising agency, considered a creative powerhouse. Her award-winning company, specialized in marketing to audiences that include urban women and the African diaspora. Dr. Martin has served as a city of Scottsdale human relations, commissioner and compensation committee, chairperson of the American Baptist Homes of the West. Now Commongood. Corporate board of directors. Welcome Dr. Martin.

[00:02:11] Dr Joel Martin: Thank you so much. I’m delighted to be here and spend this quality time with you.

[00:02:17] Diana White: I know I, I was thrilled when you said yes, because one of the first times when I met you and you talked about serving on boards and your travels abroad, I just said, oh my gosh, to sneak into the suitcase and just be a part of her life for a moment. So, I’m super excited to have you on this show.

[00:02:40] Dr Joel Martin: Thank you.

[00:02:40] I’ve been looking forward to this

[00:02:42] Diana White: wonderful, well, I’ve got, right, right out of the gate. I got a heavy hitter question for you.

[00:02:48] Dr Joel Martin: All right.

[00:02:49] Diana White: What would you say to your 30-year-old self?

[00:02:52] Dr Joel Martin: Well, when I was 30 years old, I was married. I still am into the same wonderful guy. What I would’ve told my 30-year-old self is to relax, enjoy the life that you have.

[00:03:07] You work really hard to own this agency and to run it and the billing and getting new clients of all of that, but spend some quality time. And my mantra now is family first. And I tell this to these other hardworking women that I found the privilege of knowing, spending time with, family first, my agency I’ve closed it as I’ve gone on to another career and, other ways of fulfilling my passions.

[00:03:40] So I would say that relax, you only go around once. and keep family first.

[00:03:47] Diana White: And I wish I had you in my ear when I was coming up in retail. because it was always work first work first, 17 hours a day, work, and I never had time for anything. And when I switched careers and I did have time.

[00:04:05] I won’t say it was too late because I have a very loving, close-knit family. Yeah. But I’d missed a lot of milestones that I won’t be able to get back birthdays, graduations, weddings. and that’s something I will regret for a very long time. So, I’m, so glad that you are saying family first.

[00:04:24] That makes a lot of sense. So, let’s jump right into your lessons. Now, what I love about your lessons is some of them are your own and a couple of them are Sage wisdom from some of the thought leaders of, our time. Right. Right.

[00:04:41] Lesson 1:   Feedback is the gift of information that tells you what’s working and what’s not

[00:04:41] Diana White: And we’ll get into that in a moment, but your first one feedback is the gift of information that tells you what is working and what is not working.

[00:04:51] Talk to me a little bit about how you came to know that to be true.

[00:04:55] Dr Joel Martin: a lot of my background, and way of living now is driven by the transformational leadership training that I took and became a master trainer of. And one of the things I learned about feedback is that so many people that I’ve coached and worked with and trained think that feedback is associated with feeling like, for example, if I feel bad, then the feedback is not so good.

[00:05:26] If I don’t trust myself and someone gives me feedback, I may in my mindset say, oh, that’s that criticism. They don’t know And then for many women, I have found that if somebody pays a compliment to them, they say, oh, that’s not me. Thank you. It’s you know the stress here. Ugh, please. So, here’s the thing, there’s an expression.

[00:05:49] That may bring to life feedback a little better and it goes it has a course word in it. Okay. So, I’m just going to say that word. Okay. We

[00:05:59] Diana White: allow that curse word. So go ahead.

[00:06:02] Dr Joel Martin: oh, okay. So, if one person says that you are a horse’s ass, that could be one person’s opinion, but when a hundred people say you’re a horse’s ass, get a saddle.

[00:06:19] Diana White: Wow.

[00:06:23] Let’s go ahead and repeat that one more time. I rarely do this, but repeat that again, Dr. Martin my goodness.

[00:06:33] Dr Joel Martin: This, I didn’t originate this, but that’s one person tells you that you are a horse ass. That could be one person’s opinion, but when several hundred people tell you, you are a horse’s ass get a saddle.

[00:06:56] Diana White: Oh, my goodness.

[00:06:58] I can imagine we have a lot of listeners across the world. and if, there is anyone listening that is true to yourself, some of you may be. On Amazon right now, looking up the best prices for saddles

[00:07:16] until, you can figure out how to get out of that mindset. I love it.

[00:07:22] And if I wasn’t doing this recording right now, I put a couple of ’em on my wish list to make sure that I’m covered just in case Dr. Martin, that was gold to start off with. That was gold.

[00:07:33] Dr Joel Martin: Thank you. Thank you. There’s a thing about feedback that I needed to learn myself and I’ll share this with everyone, because I think at some point, we all may experience it. I grew up in a rather, difficult at time situation and my self-esteem was low.

[00:07:51] I had, I wore clothes that, were kinky hand me downs and things like that. And I thought that I was a certain way. All right. And I needed to train myself to hear the feedback and to embrace the feedback that was affirming. And just like I gave you the example of the horse to saddle.

[00:08:18] If one person says you are doing an amazing job with your I’ll put it, make it personal to you. Diana, you’re doing an incredible job with your podcast. That may be one person’s experience, but when every listener or that critical mass of listeners says to you, Diana, I value what I learned from what you give.

[00:08:45] Now that now to switch back to my personal example, that little girl, Joel, she would be thinking thoughts about herself that were probably not in keeping with the with the feedback she was getting from the universe. so, I needed to shift my thinking to trust the feedback that I was getting you follow me.

[00:09:08] Diana White: Right? I follow you. And, our viewers and listeners, you follow as well. I want more than one person to say that I’m bringing some really good guests and wisdom onto the show. have me avoid going into my Amazon wish list and putting some saddles in there, show a little love for the podcast and what we’re trying to do here.

[00:09:29] Dr Joel Martin: Right? It’s so important to know how you’re doing. And it’s just information. If you find out as I have many times, is that what you’re doing isn’t working, shift.

[00:09:39] Lesson 2:   The most important superpowers you have is the ability to choose.

[00:09:39] Diana White: There you go. That’s right. number two. one of the most important superpowers is one’s ability to choose.

[00:09:50] Dr Joel Martin: Absolutely. Absolutely. I have so many examples of this.

[00:09:56] One of the, most trying times of my life was when I had breast cancer and I call myself a conqueror now, not a survivor because. I like I’m embracing the word conqueror. And I remember, my husband, he was going through this process with me and my friends and my family, but they couldn’t have the relationship with choice that I had.

[00:10:21] Diana White: Right.

[00:10:21] Dr Joel Martin: And, one choice, I would be given choices by my doctors. Do you do, this. Or this, and all I could do was make the best choice in that moment. And eventually I conquered nine years later, I’m still here. So, the power of choice is one’s ability to own their own life, to own their own future, their own health and wellbeing.

[00:10:44] We can’t give somebody else that power. There are also ways that, choice can strengthen one’s life, words that we use. We can use our words to invent a future that is so exciting and beyond compare. And one there’s this one example that I use in my work that comes from transformational leadership is the difference between I have to.

[00:11:13] And I choose to. And, if anyone chooses to take this on, just try saying for 30 seconds, I have to get up in the morning. I have to get on a plane to fly wherever I’m going, all of those things that you don’t like to do in fact, make a list of them. All right. And then notice how you feel, because our words, our attitude, all trigger certain feelings and emotions.

[00:11:42] So most times when I do this in large groups, or with my individual clients, they, I say, so how do you feel about that? Well, I feel sad and depressed, and I said, okay, great. We’re going to get rid of that one. Now, choose to use the word I get to, I want to, and they do the same thing. And I said, use the same things that you just said.

[00:12:06] And, I, okay. So how do you feel?

[00:12:08] I feel free. And that’s the power of choice. And there, I have eight ways that one can shift the quality of their life just by what they choose in the moment. And that’s our words, our attitudes. Those are just two of them.

[00:12:26] Diana White: Now you, first of all, this was that lesson was poignant for me personally.

[00:12:33] And because I know our audience and we have a lot of young professionals coming up, young leaders, young female leaders, who’ve actually reached out to me and said, thank you for bringing these things to the forefront because it’s discussions that I don’t know who to even start the conversation with to get some guidance.

[00:12:54] Right. but I want to go back to that superpower being the ability to choose. And I would love for you to give some words of wisdom to some of our young female listeners who might be struggling with choices of, do I go to this school that will further my dream in my career? Or do I stay home because my boyfriend is here, and we’ve been together for so long.

[00:13:22] And I don’t know if long distance is going to work. Do I move away from my parents and my comfort zone and the city that I grew up in and take this opportunity in this X place? Knowing that I might get a little lonely. do I make that choice? I, guess what I’m getting at, there are so many life choices that we, that come at us at the ages of, 22 to 32 as women.

[00:13:53] It’s almost as if we’re strapped in and along for the ride and we don’t get a say in what we’ve chosen, and we don’t own it.

[00:14:04] Dr Joel Martin: Wow. Thank you. But that’s amazing. Do you realize that you’re U well, of course you realize that, but do they realize that they’re using the word, I don’t get a choice in? And that’s the conversation that only God bless you, ladies, that a victim might have, and that is a choice.

[00:14:23] That doesn’t mean that you’re not going to be in situations where you might be victimized, but you can shift your attitude and own your power and keep on going. But let me talk about the, To 22 years old young person, some of the choices that you make you will make because your heart, your intuition tells you, it’s where you should be, because it’s your purpose because it’s your passion because it makes you happy and it brings you, joy is staying with your boyfriend is one of those, well, make it work, be committed to that choice, not a victim of that choice.

[00:15:08] You have the opportunity, in your life to make the choice that serves you. And if going off and risking, here’s a suggestion. I remember when I was in college, there was a woman She was the president of our sorority. And when they made me the president of our sorority, I would ask myself, well, What would Pat do if she were in the situation? so find a role model, someone that you, respect that is walking a path that you want to and learn about the choices they made. Like we all, well, one of my, she roses Harriet Tubman, and I know she was a freed slave and I’ve been reading up on her and, she did meetings back in my hometown in Geneva, New York one of them.

[00:16:06] When we think about the choices that she made to bring those thousands, right? Including her parents to, freedom from slavery, I suggest. That the choices that we are making, don’t bear comparison. So, my challenge to anyone that sees a possibility is to risk.

[00:16:28] out of that comfort zone. Your comfort zone is formed by your beliefs and, growing up your beliefs may be formed by the church or the synagogue or, by mom, by dad, by some external force learn what matters to you. Learn what matters to you? there are no easy choices.

[00:16:52] Diana White: Right, right. And I love

[00:16:55] Dr Joel Martin: About your passion anyway.

[00:16:57] Diana White: Yeah. And I love, what you talked about when you said, get some, role models, get some people that you can, I remember for me growing up and I, really want our audience to understand what we’re trying to say, because I don’t think it’s, sometimes when you say, well, get, role models, somebody will think, well, my mother’s supposed to be my role model.

[00:17:23] My, my older sister’s supposed to, my aunt is supposed to be my grandmother. Every role model serves a different purpose. And in my life, when I was growing up, I had. Extremely powerful and courageous women in my family that were role models. And I loved them. But when I was looking for somebody to show me how far can I go in a career? What can I do with a career?

[00:17:57] Well, my powerful, strong role models were all about that. Get a government job, stay there, and retire. Right. And that wasn’t in my soul. What I wanted. And so, role models for that particular aspect of my life became people like Oprah because at the time that I was growing up, Oprah thumbed her nose at everything that we thought was a traditional media personality.

[00:18:29] And I would look at her and say, my goodness, not that I wanted to be Oprah. I wanted that courage to take that risk.

[00:18:39] Dr Joel Martin: Yeah. Yeah. Right. I got you. Yeah.

[00:18:43] Yeah. I’m, curious. when you hear someone say, well, this is what I want in my life, and I don’t know how to get it. What do you say to them?

[00:18:56] Diana White: Find someone that is already doing that and ask them, how did you become so successful? One of the things that I’ve learned in my life, Dr. Martin, and I’m sure you’ve learned it too, because you talk to a lot of people is that we never hesitate to talk about our successes. We love to pontificate about what we’ve done well, because it soothes us just as much as it teaches the next person.

[00:19:23] And The mantra that I lived by when I was growing up. If I, and I was dare I say, I didn’t have etiquette about it either. If I saw somebody driving a fancy car, I would say, how’d you get that car? what do you do?

[00:19:38] How did you do that? What school did you have to go to? Yeah, I, would ask all the questions and thank goodness, because it was truly from an authentic place of curiosity and wonder.

[00:19:50] I didn’t get a lot of people that turned me down. I had a lot of people give me life lessons along the way, just by me saying, how’d you do that?

[00:19:59] Dr Joel Martin: That’s great. That is great counsel for, our listen. Absolutely.

[00:20:06] Diana White: But this is not about me. So, let’s keep going.

[00:20:09] Lesson 3:   If you think you can or you think you can’t you’re right!

[00:20:09] Diana White: lesson, number three. And this is where we bring up the, these are not necessarily lessons that you’ve made up, but it’s definitely lessons that have impacted, I believe all of our lives.

[00:20:22] And this is a perfect example. If you think you can do a thing, or if you think you can’t do a thing you’re right. And this is actually Henry Ford that said this, but man, this has resonated with me for years. So, I’d love to hear your take on this.

[00:20:38] Dr Joel Martin: Yes, absolutely. It’s all about mindset. I think, it’s all about beliefs and, a belief is, not a fact, a belief is not like gravity, belief is something that we hold to be true, and we act as if it is.

[00:20:54] So if we think we can, that’s the belief all well and good for you if that’s what you want to think. And if you think you cannot, that’s what you think. So, in order for you to have the courage, to take the path that you most want to take, it’s going to take you challenging the beliefs that you have in the way.

[00:21:13] If you think you can. Great. If you think you, can’t you’re right.

[00:21:19] Diana White: Yes. I love it. I love that. And it never gets old, and it never ceases to be true.

[00:21:27] Lesson 4:   Learn to be confident before and after any challenge

[00:21:27] Diana White: Amazing number four, learn to be confident before and after any challenge. And then here we have quote by, Joseph Campbell and Jung, Carl Jung, probably first “the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek”.

[00:21:45] Dr Joel Martin: Yeah, I, I wrote, when I offered that question to you, I, know I said, move first courage or not. And again, I, you, I think you’re probably, your listeners are those viewing will get that. I have a strong faith in mindset, shifting and beliefs. All right. So, I’ve met, I’ve worked with several people who have said I’m not confident. And then there’s an increasing trend that I’m, hearing. I’m an introvert and

[00:22:19] Diana White: that’s me. I say it.

[00:22:21] Dr Joel Martin: Yes, I know. I understand. well, if you weren’t an introvert, what would you be doing now? If you were confident, what actions would you be taking that, and it’s Be. Do. Have. Be confidence and, there’s this expression, fake it till you make it.

[00:22:39] I’m not sure about that one.

[00:22:42] Diana White: Tell me why. Tell me why.

[00:22:44] Dr Joel Martin: I don’t think that as I was coming up or when I’m with somebody that I’m faking it. I think if I’m consistently authentic to my truth, it ceases to be fake. I respond to my truth, and I operate from that. So, I can’t say that I’ve always been courageous. I haven’t quote, unquote, been courageous in that way. I’ve just made some risks.

[00:23:14] And, then I learned how to be courageous, the repetition of risking actions in the direction you most want to go, creates courage. And now, I can go just about anywhere in the world. And say that’s courage.

[00:23:33] Well, of course it’s courage. You’ve done it, for so long, do what you most want to do. And the courage will come. In fact, when you are in your zone and you may intellectually say, well, I’m not going to be able to do that. I can’t do that. Get there, get there, stop with, I can’t, if you think you can, if you think you can’t you’re right.

[00:23:59] and that expression, the cave you fear to enter is where the treasure is, where you’ll find the treasure that you seek. That, that I love that. I really do, because it tells me that if I will step into the unknown, I can go through my fear. If I can go through my fear, I can get there.

[00:24:23] Diana White: And I’m, going to add a little ad lib on there if you don’t mind.

[00:24:26] Okay. Because this is the epiphany that I had when I read that lesson is that if you go through the cave and you have a challenge that truly is daunting, and maybe even devastates you come out the other side and maybe that treasure was you proving that you could survive what you went through.

[00:24:54] That’s the real treasure, I think, in any, in anything you gain in life, if you work hard at it, right? The treasure really is. That at the end of the day, you, you survived or accomplished or combated or overcame something and that makes you a stronger person. And I feel like that’s the true treasure and I live by a motto of, feel of fear and do it anyway.

[00:25:24] I think I’ve been doing that for a very long time. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. You have to, Number five you may never know the cause of the good fortune. Just be

[00:25:31] Lesson 5:   You may never know the cause of the good fortune

[00:25:31] in wonder and gratitude and accept the gifts of the universe. Whoa oh, whoa.

[00:25:45] Dr Joel Martin: yeah. I have a lot of gifts that are like that, and I don’t know how many of the things that I have been able to accomplish.

[00:25:56] Began. I tend to believe and that doesn’t make it a fact. It means my belief and I’m sticking to it. believe, and I, have faith in my authenticness and desire to have people live better lives. And because of that, I was asked to go to the Republic of South Africa and be a training with a colleague of mine.

[00:26:22] And it was an honor. I kissed the ground when I landed in J Johannesburg and the trainees, and the staff and the people were there, and they sang for me. And it just, I said, here I stand, I can do no other, this is the work I love to do. And then, like when I had the ad agency, there was, I remember we had, the big wigs, the, bosses, the C not the CEOs, but the brand manager.

[00:26:57] At one of the world’s number one beverage companies. And they came to visit our little, tiny agency on Madison avenue. no, actually I think by then we were on fifth avenue, and they asked us to pitch their business. Now as a woman, we are not generally the ones that get to work with one of the worlds.

[00:27:19] Well, one of the countries, number one, beverage company beer. Okay. And I was excited, and I did my best and, I got the account. Now what I didn’t know had happened. And I, this is, I can’t swear that this is true because I wasn’t there. But, what I heard, was one of the, at a luncheon, one of the people from an, competitor quote unquote, because there’s really no such thing as a competitor asked for a product that was in competition with the beverage company.

[00:27:55] And they were very polite. And then they came over to our company. They liked what they saw, and they gave us the account and we became their agency of record. truthfully was I part of the conversation that led to that? No, I wasn’t, be honest, you, I keep saying we only go around once.

[00:28:16] So that going to South Africa being asked to, work with, Accenture, with a friend of mine who was a chief learning officer. I can’t tell you how that happened, but I greet the world with wonder. like you, when you’re asking somebody where’d you get that car, how’d you do that that’s that wonder, and it is that wonderment that had me curiously go back to school. I didn’t know. I thought I would, I, my conversation was I’m too old to be back here in school, but I did it because I so wanted that position to be a global trainer. And for me that I want to know, and I, sat there looking at these men and who were not the color of my skin and, or the gender.

[00:29:07] And they were using the words that I know, existentialism and harder and blah, all of these words. And I’m sitting there, this child, this, at the time I was ground a young woman, just like now listening to them and myself is saying, I wonder what that means. I went back to school. I faced to your point.

[00:29:33] I went through the fear, I got my master’s and I found out I love learning. I do. So, from there, I went on and got my PhD, my, Wharton fellowship, and I continue to face the world with wonder it’s my joy, walking into a room of 75, 100, 300 people and learning how to connect with those people and have them accomplish something.

[00:30:00] That’s a wonder, I, could go on about wonderment.

[00:30:06] Diana White: Do you feel Dr. Martin? Do you feel that sometimes when blessings do come our way, that we might, because we are questioning not just the blessing, but our worthiness of the blessing, because we’re so focused on that? Do you feel like sometimes we self-sabotage?

[00:30:27] Dr Joel Martin: I do. I do. That’s that thing about a blessing is like a compliment from God. And when you get that compliment, do you say, oh, ah, this, old dresses, just something I happen to throw on today? No, a blessing. Is an example of your faith. That’s telling you to go on, keep going. And I’ve, heard about that, that self-sabotage and I’m sure in my life I’ve done my share.

[00:31:01] Diana White: I can. I think we all have.

[00:31:05] Dr Joel Martin: that’s like choice. Yeah. Do I choose to sabotage myself or do I choose to continue on and give my gifts and to have my joy? For us, it is a challenge, because there are people out there in the world who want to reign on your parade and bust your bubble and step all over your joy.

[00:31:25] Well, you can’t let. You can’t let them, particularly as people of color.

[00:31:31] Diana White: I often ask when somebody brings that up, I often ask why do you think that is fundamentally? Why do you think as a people, so many of us choose to downplay downgrade, spit on someone else’s success? Where does that come from?

[00:31:51] Dr Joel Martin: Scarcity, fear, competition, feeling like they are not enough, looking out at that other person as good signal when that feeling comes up, that they are missing something in their life that they desperately want.

[00:32:10] yeah. I have to catch myself on that one, because I’m, fairly competitive. And I love excellence, And so fortunately as I’ve gotten older, I don’t want to be the one that is, that does that. And when I catch myself being that way, I have to honor that person. And I recently, I told a dear one who was midst a conversation where somebody was deflating her, attempted to deflate her self-esteem.

[00:32:48] And I said that person that is attempting to, I didn’t give it this long message though. But the person that is attempting to diminish you to, reign on your parade is delusional. They don’t know who they are. And they’re jealous that you know who you are.

[00:33:08] Diana White: Oh, my goodness. Am I going to have to make you repeat yourself several times to this episode?

[00:33:14] Cause these pearls. These pearls of wisdom.

[00:33:19] They’re they are upset and conflicted because they don’t know who they are and they’re mad that you know who you are.

[00:33:29] Dr Joel Martin: Yeah. Ooh, absolutely. Absolutely. It’s sad. It’s sad. And we can’t let that spirit win. Yeah. Yeah. Not in our souls.

[00:33:42] Diana White: And I dare say, probably the act of getting past that negativity not only is a lesson and courage for yourself, but maybe a little bit of a wake-up moment for that other person that is trying to bring you down. that, that is powerful,

[00:34:00] Lesson 6:   Know your values

[00:34:00] Diana White: Number six. Yes. Know your values. And I love that you list yours here. because I know you and I know this to be true.

[00:34:10] your values. You say mine are authenticity, integrity, responsibility, excellence, being connected to people, joy, fun, family, and faith. And one of the reasons why I read all of those, because I could have just left it at know your values so that we can have a conversation about that. One of the things that I’m finding, especially with the generations that are coming up.

[00:34:37] Is that when you say know your values, sometimes there’s a hesitancy in even understanding what values means. what is, what does values mean? Because I don’t think, it was ever put in the conversation of, their molding of their upbringing. These are what values mean.

[00:35:01] No, it doesn’t mean that you value things, money, prestige getting the next job. That’s not a value. Right. But what you put here are the core, the building blocks of values. And, and I love that. So, talk to me about first of all, how. Have you come to know yourself so well that you know that these are your values?

[00:35:27] I think that’s number one. Okay. And number two, somebody who’s struggling with even just defining what values means to them. how do they fix that?

[00:35:39] Dr Joel Martin: a heavy question. This is just as loaded as my values.

[00:35:45] this may sound strange, but it’s been by trial and error. I believe in the alignment of the promise of alignment, that vision values, purpose, mission results are connected and that, connection hasn’t always been a part of my life. Right. And you can tell, an example, you know what it’s like to drive a car in alignment and one that’s out of alignment, it’s, it is just not flowing.

[00:36:14] It’s just not there. All right. so, I have discovered my values or what’s important to me by trial and error and not intuitively by trial and error, but because of the feedback I got because of how it made me feel and how I was able to make the difference that I choose to make in my life. So, for example, integrity.

[00:36:40] when I don’t keep my word. I have paid bigger prices than when I struggle to keep them. So now I know. Okay. Joel, you’re about, I, it’s not like I think, oh, I’m about integrity. I, act, those are action words for me. All right. So, if I say to somebody and we’re going to meet for lunch at such and such a time there, I have a different experience within myself when I am on time.

[00:37:06] And when I’m not on time. Wow. I have a different experience. It’s the same one as when I’m on time. If I contact them before the time goes, and I say, you know what? I’m not going to be on time. Is that okay with you? Then I renegotiated the, promise that I made. So, I, believe in integrity for me because.

[00:37:31] I live to be, I live more life that way than, just taking advantage. People don’t understand the promise. That’s one of the things that can change life is you are able to keep your word or create a new agreement and keep your word. Authenticity. It’s, it’s you, and that’s about being authentic in the time space that you are in.

[00:37:54] I’m not suggesting that it’s a weepy thing, a kumbaya moment all the time. it’s about being authentic, being real, especially nowadays, in the work that I do when I am inauthentic, I just don’t get it. I don’t feel right. and it is, that is the belief that’s connected to my emotion, which is connected to my behavior, which is connected to my results.

[00:38:22] And everybody is not going to love how I be with my values. And that’s their problem.

[00:38:30] Diana White: what, that resonates so much because I spent a lot of years of my life trying to be, after I got over my rebellious faze, I spent a lot of time trying to be. Everything to everyone that, and when I say everything to everyone, not necessarily doing everything for everyone, but trying to be the person that I felt they wanted me to be.

[00:38:56] Ah, yeah. That is a deception that is draining and gruelling and not sustainable. And so, when I decided, okay, hate it or love it, I am going to be who I am. And I know that I’m going to be polarizing. I know that there are going to be some people that get me and embrace me. And some people that I have an expression, if I were on fire, they would spit on me if they were allowed to take a sip of gasoline first.

[00:39:26] Right. and then that’s harsh.

[00:39:31] Dr Joel Martin: I’m going to give you credit for that one, one time

[00:39:33] Diana White: I’m cool one time, one time. Right. every single day, When I connect with someone and I know I’ve connected because I was my authentic self and they were their authentic self and there was still a connection to me that means more than me trying to be everything to everyone, because I know that connection that I have with that one person that probably is going to last now a lifetime, if not many years.

[00:40:11] And believe it or not, I’m not even talking about them being in my life for a lifetime. some people are in your life just to teach you something but once they teach it to you, they never leave your life. Even if they’re gone. And so, to me, that is, what I consider your, when I look at authenticity and integrity, that’s what I bring with my core values is I am going, I promise you, I am going to be who I am, whether it jives with you or not.

[00:40:45] I am always going to be who I am.

[00:40:48] Dr Joel Martin: That’s wonderful. Well that you, are full of jewels and gems too.

[00:40:54] Diana White: Well, let me tell you something, a lot of my jewels and gems come from watching women like you,

[00:41:01] Dr Joel Martin: oh, thank you.

[00:41:02] Diana White: So, there you go. we are the product of the people that we, choose to learn from and you we’ve not had many interactions, but I can say all of our interactions I’ve walked away, learning something.

[00:41:22] Dr Joel Martin: The same here, you know what, the thought just came to me about the thing about authenticity. when I was growing, like you were rebellious. All right. I was a good girl. Oh, okay. Yeah. I was a good girl and nice, good student. We moved around every year. Mom raised me as a single mom. She was hardworking and so on.

[00:41:44] And so being, my thing was getting approval. And for all of our young people who are looking to be a certain way to be approved of. You may be paying some prices, find a way to be true to yourself. and at minimum, find a way to tell the younger you that is striving to be like someone else in spite of the circumstances, tell them, I am proud of you.

[00:42:22] You got me where we are. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So, I have learned to tell that young Joel, that scrappy one, that latchkey kid. Thank You thank you. You got me where I am. A lot of us say, well, I don’t want to be like that. through the abuse, through the hard times through the deceptions that happened to them, if they did. Disappointments.

[00:42:54] So that is not who you are. Those are things that happened to you. Right? So, thank yourself for getting you through that. Just as I have learned to thank myself for that little girl who’s passive aggressive, and I was going to get, it I was going to be that nice little girl, my own special way.

[00:43:17] Diana White: it’s true. And I love that you talked about that transition and that journey, because it goes back to the cave analogy, right?

[00:43:26] Sometimes you’re going through that cave, whether you chose to, or not, whether you even know that you stepped on the precipice of the cave entrance, you’re going through that cave. Yes. And when you get out on the other side, you have to figure out who you are and thank the person that you were before for taking that step.

[00:43:46] That’s powerful. My goodness gracious. Isn’t that great? It is amazing.

[00:43:51] Lesson 7:   Whenever you want to lift your spirits, focus out, and give

[00:43:51] Diana White: So, number seven. And then I almost cried when I read this one, because this is something that I do whenever you want to lift your spirits, focus out and give, let, making a difference, be a way of life. And I know that you live by this.

[00:44:09] I know you live by this, and I have come to start living by it, but it took me a while because I was so focused on me, but I want you to talk about how you got there.

[00:44:21] Dr Joel Martin: wow. How I got there. At the time I, I took my step into my personal development journey.

[00:44:31] there was so much stuff going on in New York and in the world and you read a paper and there’s not unlike now division and anger and killing and murder. And I used to think to myself, I can’t do anything about that. And that’s not. That was feeling futile and what I found worked for me.

[00:44:55] It was like medicine for my soul. I would go out and, make a difference with somebody, at the time I’d find something to enrol them in. That was outrageous. I remember going around a neighborhood asking people to give me donations because there was a foster home center that whose furnace went out. okay, great. I’m going to do something about that. And I, I just, again, I calibrate my values, my actions, my future, by the experience that I’m giving to others and the experience that I am giving to myself. So that’s how got it, it’s I feel better. I feel whole, I feel connected when I can give to others.

[00:45:40] When I was coming up, I would tell people, I don’t know, If, what I’m this again? Transformational leadership. I don’t know if I can tell you that my journey is going to change the world. I can’t tell you like I was in a poor people’s campaign of Martin Luther king after he got assassinated.

[00:46:00] I can’t tell you that going into the muddy DC huts and, things of the poor people’s campaign, I can’t tell you I will change the world, but all I can tell you is given the choices that I have. This is the one that makes the biggest difference. So, I can’t tell you all I can do is take action and hope for the best.

[00:46:24] And that’s why I am how I am,

[00:46:29] Diana White: I think, that’s a critical lesson to learn. I often, and I don’t want to be polarizing on the show, but I do have thoughts because of the generation that we come from, where we had to March, we had to sit in, we had to physically be present and make change.

[00:46:49] To the dynamic that we have now, where it’s a social media post and it’s, this post gets 50,000 likes we’ve made a message. we’ve made a statement and I know that not everything that happens in life now is through social media and likes and dislikes. I know that there are still boots on the ground, so to speak people that know they need to get out in the streets and talk about it and promote, and maybe even protest peacefully.

[00:47:21] I know this right, but there’s a large, contingency of the younger generation that thinks that they’re making a difference by hitting that like button. And I’m just wondering. is that detrimental? Is that enough? Will that change? Should it change lots of questions, but when you talked about picking your purposes and standing behind doing something, it just brought that to me.

[00:47:49] It really did. And I think, that would be a great further discussion for the next time I can grasp you to get on this episode, on the show, but, yeah, it is something that I’ve grappled with for a long time, but I know that generation has their way of expressing their unrest.

[00:48:09] And so if this is that for this generation, then I have to respect that and see if there’s change that comes from it. And there has been actually great change that has come from social media really banding together. So,

[00:48:24] Dr Joel Martin: Now there other thing too, Yes, they are doing that in social media.

[00:48:29] And the other thing I would encourage younger folks to do is to know that you, you make a difference in your sphere of influence. The The sphere of influence where you work, what are you doing? Where you work, What are you doing when you walk down the street? Are you saying to somebody good morning?

[00:48:45] are you How are you, being in those moments? Those spheres of influence we have control of. So yeah, push the like button and go on, make a difference wherever you are, wherever you walk.

[00:48:58] Diana White: Yeah. And however, tiny that difference is making somebody on the street smile for a second. You may not realize that has made their whole day.

[00:49:08] Lesson 8:   Learn to love and laugh a lot

[00:49:08] Diana White: All right. Number eight, learn to love and laugh a lot. And that I, live by that. I love, and I, think humor is one of the best medicines on the planet. I agree. I agree.

[00:49:26] And so talk about how love and laughter maybe got you through some trying times.

[00:49:35] Dr Joel Martin: Which one?

[00:49:38] Diana White: you get to pick? It’s your story?

[00:49:43] Dr Joel Martin: all right. Yes. Well, I always am laughing, unless it’s a very, tough time that I’m going through, Laughter. I can’t explain it. It’s just joy that bubbles out of me, our daughter is, she’s a filmmaker and, she does work weird stuff, and she says, the thing that people know about her on set is that she laughs and it’s very fulfilling and revealing, and it doesn’t take a lot of money to love and laugh. It doesn’t take a lot of money to sit down and with somebody and say, I appreciate you. I appreciate you. How’s your day going? And, to love and laugh is there have been some harsh times, like the cancer treatment.

[00:50:31] It wasn’t always fun. I just finished getting over about, I don’t know what it was a year and a half of a debilitating illness. And fortunately, I’m on the other side of cave. On the other side of it, I couldn’t walk, couldn’t eat, I was wearing adult diapers. I tell you Diana was tough.

[00:50:56] It was really tough. And that’s where the love and the laughter comes in. going through it, I can be on the stage and talk about it, or the other situations in my life being homeless. That’s not funny. And my attitude about it though, is that I love that I’m on the other side of it.

[00:51:19] And I love being able to understand that situation, so love and after this that’s great.

[00:51:26] Diana White: And I think that, I can only speak for my culture. but do feel like in the African diaspora, There’s a lot of that. There’s a lot of joy and pain, so to speak and we combat a lot of things with humor.

[00:51:43] And I’ve had several friends that are, not of my community, say, wow, Hey, you’d laugh at some of the darkest stuff what’s with that. And it’s like,

[00:51:53] Dr Joel Martin: How would I get through it otherwise.

[00:51:56] Diana White: right. Some, sometimes all you got is that little bit of joy that you bring from laughter. Sometimes that’s literally the only power you have is to choose to laugh.

[00:52:10] And I think we embody that a lot.

[00:52:13] Dr Joel Martin: yeah. We’re coming up to Juneteenth. Yes. Time of, enslaved people being told they were free, and then they, my family comes from that heritage. So, we have a lot of laughter a lot. Family. We used to have a lot of family reunions. A lot of love didn’t have a lot of money, but we had a lot of joy.

[00:52:35] Diana White: So, one thing I know for sure. you don’t need a lot of money to make a good home cooked meal, in the African diaspora. That is one thing you do not need. You don’t need a lot of money. You just need grandmama or auntie that can put her foot in it. and then everybody’s eating and just make sure that daddy gets the big chicken breast, and we are all good.

[00:53:04] Dr Joel Martin: Man, that’s awesome.

[00:53:05] Lesson 9:   Every person has value and a lesson to teach

[00:53:05] Diana White: Number nine, Every person has value and a lesson to teach. I love that you said this, because this is something that I said in, my lessons when I was interviewed, which is everybody’s a mentor, doesn’t matter who you are. So, I want your take on this.

[00:53:27] Dr Joel Martin: Everybody does have value.

[00:53:29] And, let me say, if I operate from that place and honor people, whether, they are my color, whether they’re not my gender orientation, what have you, everybody has value. And that is, bedrock for me. Walking in and meeting someone, having the big events, knowing that you come into my house, you have value.

[00:53:52] I welcome you doing the diversity, equity and inclusion work that I do. I couldn’t do it the way I do it. If I didn’t honor people. I remember there was this one process that I went through, and it was what had me be where I am actually. And it was transformational. one of those kumbaya things and, standing in front of someone and just looking into the eyes of these different people as I met them.

[00:54:21] Just look at their eyes, just experience them. And after a while, what I realize is that we are all the same now that’s, that might be a bit much for some of your audience. I don’t know. But that’s what I noticed is that, I imagine at that time, Diana, what would the world be like if everybody experienced this kind of com this kind of resonating with someone else, just because you looked at them just because you honored them, all the wars that might be stopped, all the dissension, just because we accept that everyone is an honorable human being.

[00:55:04] I’m not suggesting that they are, but I’m saying the attitude that I can have is I grieve people is that I can honor them.

[00:55:13] Diana White: I agree. to your point about, you don’t know how the audience is going to take it. My, co-host in America, Siebe Van Der Zee would say get over it. if you don’t like what was said, get over it.

[00:55:30] we, I really want to purport to audience who, I, love with all my heart that there are going to be some things on this podcast that you fundamentally don’t agree with on the show. And that is okay. That’s what makes us human just, we want the engagement. tell us why you don’t agree.

[00:55:54] Tell us why you don’t agree and tell us if you want to be on the show. How about that? To give your point of view. I love that. no, What do they call it Monday morning? Quarterbacking. none of that here. Hey, if you want to be a part of the process, we’d love to have you, we’d love to have you to have some enriching, engaging conversations.

[00:56:16] Yes. that are from your point of view and your life lessons. Because that’s how you get to know other human beings on this earth walking for a little bit in their shoes. And I think this was that’s what the show does.

[00:56:29] Lesson 10: Once you find your purpose (your why), make it your life’s work

[00:56:29] Diana White: Number 10. once you find your purpose or your, why make it, your life’s work.

[00:56:36] And again, I love that you put yours here and Dr. Martins is, transformational, diversity, equity, and inclusion. And I’m glad this was number 10 and I wanted to we’ve got one more question, but this is the meaty question that I want to talk about, because I know that this is your wheelhouse.

[00:56:56] And I know I mentioned it briefly in your bio, but you are. in my mind, one of the premier gurus of diversity, equity and inclusion, and I’ve had the extreme pleasure of actually being a part of one of your workshops and thinking, as I think a lot of brown people do when it comes to diversity equity inclusion.

[00:57:21] Well, yeah, I’m a victim, I’m part of the minority. So, what do you have to teach me? And boy was I blown away and proven wrong because it is so much bigger than a color divide. So, I really, want you to give us a few moments and talk about your thoughts on. Why this is such a passion for you and what you tried to impart in people that you coach

[00:57:50] Dr Joel Martin: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for that. It is such a part of me because it’s how I grew up. That makes sense. I came with a big family, I’d say lovingly like a little UN and whether it is transformational leadership or diversity, equity and inclusion, it’s about people changing people’s lives for the better and their businesses.

[00:58:11] when I talk about diversity, it is about all of the phases of diversity is not just about race and gender. It’s my work. It’s my heart. It’s my passion. I always like to start my sessions talking about the diversity dimensions, some work that was not pioneered by me, but it’s work I believe in, and it talks about the differences that we are in our personalities and internal dimensions, like race, our gender, our sexual orientation, and our external dimensions. Those things that we can change, then the corporate dimensions, those organizational dimensions, they all matter.

[00:58:50] And, I liken them to a rose. each person has the identity characteristics that are intrinsically them like a rose. And then there are some things just like the rose that are beautiful. Like when I talk about my family, I talk about the love of education being a black woman growing up and so on and so forth.

[00:59:11] That’s my rose, but just. The rose, there are thorns. There are people who have those stereotypes and those biases and those, and make those microaggression, those statements that take people apart. That’s what I go with. I go with first I want you to know about what diversity, equity and inclusion is all about.

[00:59:33] So you understand, so that we’re all on a level playing ground. That’s important to me. I want us all to be to the best of my ability. I want us all to be speaking the same language so that there could be that understanding that you talk about in your show. And then I talk about what divides us, because I, without facing up to the truth of what a stereotype is that there are some people who will say, how all people are, all of those fill in the blank.

[01:00:01] They are da, They are understanding that there are ways to mitigate all of those things, a stereotypes and microaggressions the biases. And I want people to experience what life could be like when you operate that way. I work with companies to do that as well, so that they have a culture where people are able to do their best work, where people are highly regarded.

[01:00:26] And those are the companies that choose to work with me. I could talk about my passion for days

[01:00:35] Yeah, well, I love the work that I get to do because I love people and I love people experiencing freedom.

[01:00:41] Diana White: And it’s one of the reasons why, whenever I get somebody that comes my way, and they say, Hey, Diana, would you like to speak on this? I’d say, Hey, if you’re asking me to be on a panel where we share our personal experiences, 100%, I have a dozen of them more than if you’re talking about me, educating people on the importance and what it means and how we can move forward.

[01:01:05] You need to find somebody that actually went to school for this, and it is their life’s passion. And they know how to reach all different types of audiences. That is not me. And then immediately your name comes up and it will continue to come up. because, I have no pun intended been transformed by your workshop.

[01:01:28] So I know it works.

[01:01:30] Dr Joel Martin: Thank you. Thank you.

[01:01:31] Diana White: Oh, you’re welcome. But got to stop being nice. I got to ask the hard-core questions. this is serious show.

[01:01:39] Dr Joel Martin: All right, let me hear that. All right, so you’re ready for it. All right, go ahead.

[01:01:42] Diana White: Last question. Last question of all of the wisdom that you have, all of the life’s challenges and the journeys and the caves that you had to walk through.

[01:01:53] What have you had to unlearn?

[01:01:55] Dr Joel Martin: Mmm, I have to unlearn that. I am, I am not immortal. I must take good care of myself to keep doing what I love to do. When people come to my calendar, to create a 20-minute, 30-minute hour meeting with me, they will see there, unless it’s an emergency don’t book, any time request on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.

[01:02:18] So that’s been big. I’ve needed to give up that I can accomplish everything by myself. that was big for me, being a lone Wolf of sorts, I love working with teams. And I finally love that, we have the positively powerful woman awards coming up and I am looking forward to that is we had to skip a year, because of the pandemic and, instead of trying to do it by myself, I got a team of people that I love to work with are going to be creating this with me.

[01:02:51] So that was the big thing. That was a big thing. I’m not going to be here forever.

[01:02:55] Diana White: And you don’t want that secret recipe to be lost with you So Dr. Martin, tell us what new projects do you have coming up?

[01:03:04] Where can we find you? How can we learn more about the awards? Let us know.

[01:03:10] Dr Joel Martin: Oh, thank you. Thanks for asking that. I appreciate that. come to my website https://positivelypowerful.com/ positively, powerful.com and you’ll have a dropdown that will, take you to my, Email list you’ll be a subscriber.

[01:03:26] And all of my information of my programs comes out on that information about the awards will be there very, shortly. So that’s one thing. That’s one way you can get a hold of me. You can also email me, jpMartin@triadwest.com. That’s jpMartin@triadwest.com. And I’ll give you the link to my calendar and you can set up some time for yourself for a 20-minute 30-minute strategy call with the E&I or life challenges.

[01:03:56] The awards are happening October 28th, 2022, in the morning. There’s going to be an educational summit, and, in the afternoon, there’ll be, this is from 12 on, there’ll be the award ceremony The award ceremony. I came to create this and be the founder of it. That’s a 12-year journey. My lived work and D E&I is a 30-year journey that plus the transformational approach to it. And how I decided to stake my claim that I was going to be transformational trainer and focus on women in this event is because I was, I went to, to speak to a group of women and these were lawyers and judges and so on and so forth for the native, for our original people’s nation and so on and so forth.

[01:04:43] And I asked a question, I said, how many of you. Take good care of yourselves. Cause I looked at them and they were so tired and drawn. I said, this is not okay. As a training designer, I have to do something that brings women up to life that creates the. Experience of being loved and being Queens for that day.

[01:05:03] So the event itself is for all people, it’s welcome open to everyone. Our capacity is 300 this year and that’s the LA life course. And we’re having it at this should be a drum roll, ASU 365 community union. And the awards will be in the San Tan Ford Club. And the education summit will be on the floor below.

[01:05:26] So just imagine you’re coming there and, there’s the welcoming greeting and you’re seeing old and new friends and you’re having continental breakfast and I’m going to create for this occasion, a transformational D E and I experience, and I will be one of the speakers that will be on the summit.

[01:05:46] Then there will be the, a slight break and, we’ll be honoring women who are legacy makers who are change makers. globally. Actually, we had our first international recipient two years ago when we were still having the live event. So, I love creating those kinds of events.

[01:06:05] I create the internal workshops for my clients. I can’t invite anyone to those because they’re for their workforce. I’ll put these links on my website that the better business bureau had me speaking ASU remote had me speaking and these were, summits and I enjoy those.

[01:06:23] So I will, be putting the information on how to hear the recording. Of those activities. the book is coming along. It’s my commitment. Okay. This is my promise. it’s to have it available at my awards on October 28th

[01:06:40] Diana White: that’s oh, all right. That’s a promise. There you go.

[01:06:44] Dr Joel Martin: That’s a promise.

[01:06:45] Diana White: There you go. And I will say, for our audience, if you are in a position of power to be able to bring. D and I training into your organization if you have the ear of senior leadership and you know that they’re looking to bring someone in to help your organization grow collectively together in an all-inclusive environment, Dr. Martin is an amazing facilitator that process. And you are available to speak virtually. I don’t know if you’re traveling again, but I was available for both in person and virtual and nothing was lost in translation in either modality. As I’m a big fan.

[01:07:31] I can’t keep gushing over this, so I will just say thank you so much for being on our show.

[01:07:37] Dr Joel Martin: It’s my privilege.

[01:07:39] Diana White: I knew that it would be amazing, and it’s been more than a privilege for me. thank you.

[01:07:44] Dr Joel Martin: Oh, thank you so much, Diane. I appreciate the work that you’re doing. You facilitate change. You have a worldly global sphere of influence.

[01:07:53] Diana White: We’re growing. We’re trying for sure.

[01:07:56] You’ve been listening to 10 lessons. It took me 50 years to learn sponsored by the professional development forum. PDF provides webinars, social media discussions, podcasts, and parties, and it’s all free visit professional development forum.org to learn more, remember to like share and subscribe.

[01:08:17] And we also want to hear from you, so engage with us on social media and use the hashtag 10 lessons learned. Thank you to my guest and take care everyone. Bye.

 This episode is produced by Robert Hossary. Sponsored as always by Professional Development Forum, which office insights, community or discussions, podcasts, parties, anything you want here, but they’re unique and it’s all free online. You can find the www.professionaldevelopmentforum.org you’ve heard from us we’d like to hear from you. Email us it’s podcast@10lessonslearned.com that’s podcast, 10 number one zero, lessons learned.com. Remember, this is the podcast the only podcast. That’s makes the world wiser lesson by lesson.