Julie Lancaster – Bring Numbers Into The Emotional

[00:00:08] Diana White: Hello and welcome to 10 Lessons Learned, where we talk to leaders and luminaries from all over the world to dispense wisdom for career, business, and life in order to make the world wiser lesson by lesson. My name is Diana White, and I’m your host for this episode.
[00:00:25] Diana White: Our guest today is Julie Lancaster.
[00:00:28] Diana White: Before starting Lancaster Leadership, Julie was a rock climber who ran an outdoor education school for 5,000 children per year. She was also a professor turned Dean of Education who taught courses like the Psychology of Motivation after providing 900 performance reviews and having 100 direct reports.
[00:00:50] Diana White: Over the few decades, Julie learned what makes people succeed and fail. She started her leadership development company 10 years ago and today has a team that combines the schools of psychology, coaching and teaching to create transformative programs. With Lancaster Leadership nearly quadrupling its business in the last five years, Julie is grateful to be a part of workplaces becoming environments of productivity and joy.
[00:01:18] Diana White: Welcome, Julie.
[00:01:20] Julie Lancaster: Thank
[00:01:20] Julie Lancaster: you so much,
[00:01:21] Julie Lancaster: Diana. I’m so thrilled to be here.
[00:01:24] Diana White: I am. So, listeners and viewers she always gets upset when I talk about this, but I have my own business consulting firm and Julie Lancaster is pivotal. She is one of the main persons that kind of pushed me forward and, and cheerleaded me to my way to starting my business.
[00:01:44] Diana White: So, she’s an amazing woman. Amazing woman.
[00:01:47] Julie Lancaster: Thank you. I’ll take it. I’ll take it.
[00:01:50] Diana White: Good deal. Good deal. So, before we get into your lessons, I have a question for you. What would you tell your 30-year-old self?
[00:01:59] Julie Lancaster: Oh, so you mean last year.
[00:02:02] Julie Lancaster: Just kidding. Just kidding. I would tell my 30-year-old self, I’ve got it.
[00:02:07] Julie Lancaster: I would tell her that it’s all connected. I would tell you, Diana, throughout my life, my mom taught me follow your passion, and I love that message, and it would have me doing things like what you said in my bio, like, huh, I’m teaching rock climbing in Southern California for a quarter, huh? I’m going down to Central America and volunteering on a sea turtle farm.
[00:02:34] Julie Lancaster: Oh, okay. Then I’m going and right doing all these things, and I was often like, what is my path? It’s all over the place. It’s fun and I’m living my best life, but what’s my path? And I will tell you, the one day, probably seven years ago or so, I woke up and I was like, oh my gosh. I am currently in my business.
[00:02:55] Julie Lancaster: I’m teaching rock climbing, but without the rocks. All the pieces that I’ve done along the way, they’re all connected to education, they’re all connected to coaching. They’re all connected to psychology. There’s the path. So, I would tell her, it’s okay. Just keep following your passion. That’s what I think.
[00:03:10] Diana White: Oh, that’s a good one. That’s a good one. And, and more good ones to follow your lessons. Were, were amazing. I love them. Aw. And then there’s one that I wanted to ask you about before we recorded, but I’m, I’m going to be just as surprised and enlightened as our viewers and listeners, so I’ll leave it alone.
[00:03:28] Lesson 1: Prime the experience within the first 5 minutes.
[00:03:28] Julie Lancaster: Yeah.
[00:03:28] Diana White: Let’s start with number one.
[00:03:31] Julie Lancaster: Great.

[00:03:31] Diana White: Lesson number one, prime the experience within the first five minutes.

[00:03:36] Julie Lancaster: Oh my gosh. So, so what I would love for us to be talking about is the business of transformation. As I was thinking about this, what are my 10 lessons? I’m like, well, my job is to create room full of lots of people, or just one person where it’s all about transformation, but at the same time, the whole business side of things, right?
[00:03:58] Julie Lancaster: The making money, the sales, all of that, that is also transformation. And so, honestly, within the first five minutes, When I am in a room, a training room, or a coaching room, whatever it might be, I know that people are burnt out of meetings, right? And you could say, I’m in the business of meetings, and people would be like, that’s dreadful.
[00:04:18] Julie Lancaster: But what I mean is that, that it’s a collective of people. We’re getting together for a purpose, and I know that people’s minds start to flatline. I do not want, if we are going to start on a transformation journey for people to flatline. So, within the first 30 seconds, I get people to engage with each other, talk to each other usually.
[00:04:38] Julie Lancaster: I know it’s kind of corny to have a canned line, but I feel like it’s effective and it works every time. So, I usually will start off by saying, everyone turn to each other and with authenticity and enthusiasm, tell the people sitting on both sides of you how glad you are that they’re here with you today.
[00:04:57] Julie Lancaster: And the room explodes with engagement. And it gives me actually a lot of intel about how the group engages with each other and then they’re primed for engagement and being there with each other in community. The other thing that I try to do, Diana, if I’ve got 20 minutes before the program’s starting and there are 40 people or less, I’m memorizing everybody’s name.
[00:05:20] Julie Lancaster: I’m being creepy. I’m like looking around being like testing myself in my head. And so, within the first five minutes I’m like, tell me if I get it wrong, but tell me kindly. And I’ll go through everyone’s name and by the end they gimme a round of applause by the end of those five minutes.
[00:05:35] Julie Lancaster: And I do that to get credibility and to say, I see you and I know you. And that is what I found is the same thing with the business side. It’s usually an email. That’s how people reach out to us. And whenever I engage with them right out of the gate, it needs to be personal. We are in a relationship business that is for sure.
[00:05:58] Julie Lancaster: And so, I need to be cognizant that I am dealing with a person who’s got their own hopes, dreams, challenges on the other end of the email. And I can’t just be like in a rush and skip saying, I can have a tendency to want to skip saying, hi, Diana, how’s your weekend? And get right to the point. But I remember it’s about the first five minutes or, or the beginning of an engagement or relationship that sets the tone for the entire thing.
[00:06:26] Diana White: So, viewers and listeners, I, I have to tell you, first of all, I hope you got a lot from that first lesson and trust me, we’re in for a ride. There’s more to go. But I do want to shine a light on what I originally thought because I did take one of Julie’s sessions and that’s how, pretty much how we met. And I thought it was a parlour trick because she actually did go around the room and memorize everyone’s name.
[00:06:52] Diana White: I’m horrible with names. I remember businesses. I don’t remember names as well, and I know it’s a mental block that I have to work on, but when she first did this with the group, and I think there was a good 20 people in that group, mm-hmm. I literally looked around to see who is in the back feeding her these names.
[00:07:10] Diana White: Like I know there’s somebody back there like mouthing these names and she’s just making it look effortless. No, she memorized every name. It is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen, and it really, what she says resonates because what it really does is. before the session starts, you feel as if this person that is about to take you on this journey sees you and knows you personally.
[00:07:39] Diana White: That is amazing. So, we’re going to talk about at the very end, as we always do, how you can find Julie and Lancaster leadership. But if you ever get an opportunity to engage with one of her classes, I’m telling you, you’ll come out of it. Like, what, what just happened to me? And why did it take so many years?
[00:07:59] Diana White: Why did it take so many years?

[00:08:01] Lesson 2: Tend to your introvert.

[00:08:01] Diana White: All right, so we’re going to get into lesson number two, which is one of my favorites because I am that person tend to your introvert.
[00:08:10] Julie Lancaster: Oh, yes, this one. Okay. So first I have to share with you, Diana. This is kind of embarrassing when I take a Myers Briggs assessment or one of these personality assessments, but Myers Briggs especially talks about introversion and extroversion.
[00:08:23] Julie Lancaster: I am as far as you can get an extroversion. In the extroversion and it’s shocking to me because I’m like, really? But I guess nine times out of 10 I would prefer to engage with people than maybe be alone or something like that. However, so I can say this with real wisdom, even for those people like me who were like, yeah, let’s party and let’s hang out with people.
[00:08:49] Julie Lancaster: Each of us has some introversion and extroversion and the work of training and strategic planning and like being on the stage in front of people, even for me as an extrovert is exhausting. It’s energy giving and it’s exhausting. One time though, I saw a LinkedIn post that made me want to rip all of my hair out.
[00:09:11] Julie Lancaster: That would not be pretty. But she was somebody who does similar kinds of work to what I do. I like to watch what other people are doing out there. And she was. Saying how committed she was to the group she was serving, because she went to every extra breakout session. She had all of her lunches with them.
[00:09:29] Julie Lancaster: She spent the evening hours during the social time engaging with them. And she said, I give them a hundred percent. I give them my all when I’m on a program. And I thought, you stop it. Don’t do that to our industry cause of setting this expectation that that’s what full-service care is. And Diana, you and I know, and the rest of the world knows, is that self-care is so essential if we’re going to be about service.
[00:09:56] Julie Lancaster: And so, with my team, I tell them, hide. Hide on the brakes, hide. Do what you need to do. Cause people will want to talk to you. And that’s a lovely thing. And it’s not going to be the important stuff. They’re just doing the, I don’t know, bobbing along the current, oh, there’s someone near me, I should talk to them.
[00:10:16] Julie Lancaster: Recharge, go outside, get away, and then come back whenever it’s time. In the evenings, if they invite you to a meal, say no. I mean, unless you’re like, Ooh, a free meal and ooh, I really want to hang out with these people. Only if it’s for sure. Yes. But I want to just share that, that we don’t need to be kept hostage when mingling or feeling like we need to network, because that’s not what’s going to fill us up at the end of the day.
[00:10:46] Julie Lancaster: So even coming from like a full-blooded extrovert tend to that introvert too.
[00:10:53] Diana White: Absolutely. And I would also say Especially if we have anyone that consumes this content at 10 lessons and they are in the coaching, in consulting space. you, you are not less of a coach or a consultant. You’re, you are not less worthy.
[00:11:12] Diana White: You’re not bringing less to the table if you need to recharge. And I think that we forget that. I think that we think of, especially if we, if it’s our own business, if it’s, if it’s our name on the billboard, if you will, we think we have to be on 24 7.
[00:11:30] Julie Lancaster: Yes.
[00:11:31] Diana White: When we forget that even though we, we are blessed to do what we love, it’s still a job.
[00:11:38] Diana White: And with any job. You cannot sustain that 24 7. It will break you down psychologically, physiologically, it will break you down. You need to recharge. And I love that you said that because I do know you’re very extroverted, so knowing that you need to recharge your batteries every once in a while. Yes. And you pick the right ways to do it.
[00:12:00] Diana White: Makes my life complete.
[00:12:02] Julie Lancaster: Yeah. We all need the permission, don’t we?
[00:12:05] Diana White: Exactly. Exactly. And, and, and especially for our women coaches and counsellors, it doesn’t make you any less of an expert and it doesn’t make you weak that you see your male counterparts out there, you know? Tripsing the night away, like painting the town red.
[00:12:22] Diana White: That’s okay. They can do that. But if you know you’re your best that next morning with your seminar because you did a recharge, do that. Recharge. Do that recharge. I love that.

[00:12:34] Lesson 3: Get them to connect emotionally.

[00:12:34] Diana White: Lesson number three, get them to connect emotionally.
[00:12:38] Julie Lancaster: Yes, yes, yes. So, in the, in the world of training, there’s this idea that it’s skill development and that it’s learning.
[00:12:48] Julie Lancaster: Right. And their study after study says the way that people learn is if they connect emotionally to, to something. Right. There was a, a research study done by Stanford with a bunch of MBA students, and they wanted to see what was going to be the most persuasive. It was a study about persuasiveness, and they did one room where they were just telling a story.
[00:13:15] Julie Lancaster: Another room where they were sharing statistics, another room where they were sharing a story on statistics. And the whole game that we try and get to figure out is which one was the most persuasive or the stickiest or the most interesting or memorable. And hands down it was the one that was just the story.
[00:13:34] Julie Lancaster: Not even with the statistics and we could go into what all of that is about. But the reason I share that, Diana, is that we want to have people feel you and I have watched commercials where we cry or maybe I cry, and it’s because there’s an emotional connection. It’s not because they’re saying the number of hours that they spent doing a certain amount of research or whatever.
[00:13:58] Julie Lancaster: And so, stories are our superpower with that, with training and facilitation. It’s funny, earlier on somebody told me, I’m going to stop who does work like me? They said, I’m going to stop doing some of the training that I do. I don’t get as much out of the training and I’m instead going to do facilitation. And I looked at them like, I feel like I can’t ask because it would be too vulnerable to really ask, but.
[00:14:23] Julie Lancaster: I don’t understand the difference. What is the difference? Because I do the work, so shouldn’t I actually know what I do and, well anyway, I asked because that’s what I do. I just let it all hang out and have low filter sometimes. And what I learned is that my style or my company’s style of training is facilitation.
[00:14:43] Julie Lancaster: Lots of models of training are sage on the stage, right? Presenter information dump. And that the participants are just supposed to listen. That is not what I do. So, to connect emotionally, I have each of my folks on my team create a story bank. I even pulled mine out here to be like, here it is. And it’s so funny because listen to this, I’ve, I’ve just got them written code, like one says grizzly, another one says Kilimanjaro.
[00:15:13] Julie Lancaster: Another one says first leadership job. And so, for us to tell stories, gets people to connect emotionally. Also, I like to ask my coaching clients, or even rooms full of folks who are, who are doing leadership development and training. Well, and quite frankly we say professional development is personal development, so it’s all the same, right?
[00:15:38] Julie Lancaster: I like to ask, what would your life look like five years from now if you wouldn’t have changed? Wow. And that also goes with the business of transformation, right? The business side when people are deciding, do I want to spend money on coaching? Do I want to write a giant check from my organization that could get used in, in other really beneficial ways?
[00:16:00] Julie Lancaster: Do we want this? So, I ask him like, you don’t have to do this. So, if you didn’t change anything five years from now, what would your organization look like? And they often are like a said, here’s the check. Right? So, so it’s a, it’s an authentic selling way to have my clients think, but I feel like that people connecting emotionally is so important.
[00:16:25] Diana White: I 100% agree.

[00:16:27] Lesson 4: Solicit interest instead of force-feeding facts.

[00:16:27] Diana White: Lesson number four. Solicit interest instead of forced feeding facts. Oh, now this one I love. Talk to me about it.
[00:16:37] Julie Lancaster: Yes, yes. Okay, so this is, this is so valuable to get people to think, right? It’s connected to the one that I was just talking about connecting emotionally, right? It’s a conversation instead of a speech.
[00:16:54] Julie Lancaster: What I have learned, okay, so I have to share with you personally, it’s kind of a story, right? Connected to the last one. Years ago, I hated selling, and I will tell you that I coach plenty of entrepreneurs that they say the exact same thing I got into the business because the content, the thing that I provide, not cause of the selling, but every entrepreneur has to live, has to sell.
[00:17:16] Julie Lancaster: Or you go extinct. And I was taking a sales training.
[00:17:19] Diana White:
[00:17:19] Julie Lancaster: And she goes by your sales maven. Her name is Nikki Roush, and she’s all about authentic selling. And she said, you got to ask them a question.
[00:17:30] Julie Lancaster: You got to ask them instead of using if. Right. So, here’s a sales technique that I used, and I use, use now all the time with authentic selling. Instead of saying, if you’re interested, I’ll send you over a proposal if you’re interested, you’ll have the link if you’re interested, but it’s to ask them a question so that you can.
[00:17:50] Julie Lancaster: Get them to think and they get interested in engaging. Instead of force-feeding facts here’s more information. More information. So, one thing that I learned before I hang up with somebody, if they’re going to be signing up for something, like right now we have this group coaching intensive for leaders of leaders.
[00:18:09] Julie Lancaster: And so, I, I do all the sales conversations, probably they don’t think of them as sales conversations, they’re just conversations. But at the end I always ask them if they’re trending toward seeming interested, I’ll say, great. So, are you in? Right? Are you in? And then they have to engage with what I’m saying instead of just force-feeding information and making them be passive.
[00:18:31] Julie Lancaster: And the beauty is then nine times out of 10 they say, yes.
[00:18:35] Julie Lancaster: Also, what I’ve learned in the sales part, because right, I’m bouncing back and forth between the business and the sales. And then what happens in the rooms of transformation is that when I have a follow-up call, after doing, let’s say we just finished up doing a six day leadership academy and I have a follow-up call with the folks at the end of which I used to be too scared to do because it felt too salesy.
[00:18:59] Julie Lancaster: And then I learned it’s actually good customer service. It’s, it’s so funny. At the end I’ll say, during that call I’ll say, I noticed a bunch of things. I’d love to give you my observations, what I noticed. And then I’ll say, and I learned the sentence from another coach, would it make sense for me to share potential next steps?
[00:19:20] Julie Lancaster: So instead of just force feeding, I thought about things and here’s what I think you should do. And if you’re interested, gimme a call, right? To say You, you want this info, I got it, you want it? And then they, nine times out of 10 say yes. Or the one time they’ll say, we have no budget. I wish, but I couldn’t or whatever.
[00:19:39] Julie Lancaster: And then I know. And so, I’ll find that I’m at adding questions when I want them to engage with the material. For example, I might share something in a training room, right? Here are the five steps to blah, blah, blah. And then after that I’ll ask them, what about this piques your interest? So, they then have to engage with it.
[00:20:03] Julie Lancaster: So instead of just more information, more information, and again, with a flat lining concept of our brains doing their work and people being PA passive, they engage, and they remember Robert Cialdini, he does a lot of incredible research and work about negotiation, persuasion, influence. And he talks about the power of, of this being so important, getting people to say yes out loud so I could go on and on all day about the power of influence.
[00:20:32] Julie Lancaster: I think it’s the most interesting topic, but that’s what we got, that, that in a little nutshell right there.
[00:20:38] Diana White: And you know, one of the things I love, so I spent 30 years in sales and retail. You know this about me.
[00:20:43] Julie Lancaster: Yeah.
[00:20:43] Diana White: And one of the things that I love is the techniques that I learned on how to get people to say yes to the sale or to buy the dress or whatever the case may be.
[00:20:55] Diana White: People, people think that these techniques are kind of skeevy and, you know, like what snake oil salesmen. But truly what it is, is having a dialogue, letting that person know that you’re the expert, you’re the supporter.
[00:21:12] Julie Lancaster: Yeah.
[00:21:12] Diana White: And then really giving them the tools to think about what they need.
[00:21:15] Julie Lancaster: Yeah.
[00:21:16] Diana White: And then, and then if you open up those doors and you make that comfort level for them, especially if you create what I call that, no.
[00:21:23] Diana White: Like trust, nine times out of 10, it’s a yes.
[00:21:27] Julie Lancaster: Right?
[00:21:28] Diana White: It really is. Because you’re not trying to take adv. If you’re a good salesperson, you know that the goal is not to close every sale. The goal is to build the relationship so they trust you so that you can make the best sales. Right. Yeah.

[00:21:42] Lesson 5: Be meticulous about the flow.

[00:21:42] Diana White: Alright, let’s go into lesson number five.
[00:21:44] Diana White: Be meticulous about the flow.
[00:21:47] Julie Lancaster: Wonderful. Well, it’s funny because what you just said, and then I’ll wrap it into this. Number five is that it’s really a fantastic and enlightening feeling to feel like take it or leave it. And, and I’ll, I’ll share with you, here’s why people often take it, but for you take it or leave it what sounds good to you.
[00:22:08] Julie Lancaster: So, it doesn’t feel pushy. It doesn’t feel manipulative like snake oil or anything. It’s just like, I’ve got something, and I’ll stand in my confidence and strength to say, I’ve got this. And it might be right for you, and it might not. But the terrible power of procrastination is real. So if somebody hasn’t committed on the phone or on the email or on the Zoom or on the teams or whatever to saying, yes, I think I am interested, then what’ll happen is even if they were interested, it’ll sit in their list, get to the bottom of the list, and then they’ll be like, ah, I just can’t deal.
[00:22:38] Julie Lancaster: So, it’s helping people to make a decision, which is tied into this, the meticulousness about the flow. So going back into the room, the room of transformation, where folks are on this professional and personal journey about living their best lives and about becoming the person they want to be from, going from great to greater.
[00:23:01] Julie Lancaster: What I have learned is that the sequencing matters so much, and I can tend to be a pretty fast paced person that’s maybe not considering all the details. This is an area that I am meticulous about because the flow matters. If I ask this question first, that puts people in a mindset or a feeling to be able to then go one step deeper, one step deeper.
[00:23:25] Julie Lancaster: There’s kind of this vulnerability depth that starts with, if I start shallow and then deeper, deeper, deeper, I can take them so deep. If I went for the jugular, the deep right away, they would all be standing there scared. And so, I’ve learned this and I’ve, I, as I was thinking about this, And I realized like so many industries have this, a chef, right?
[00:23:47] Julie Lancaster: Someone who cooks the ingredient step to do this first, second, third. That all really matters. I was thinking about interior design, interior decorating, they create a beautiful environment. So where does your eye go first? And so, then as you are progressing through the space, what do you look at or see next?
[00:24:06] Julie Lancaster: Mathematicians, right? They would laugh, thinking, going out of order of operations. So anyway, it’s the same idea in those rooms, I’ve learned that if I want to give folks a break, I want to do an exercise right before that break that gets them talking and engaged so that we don’t have a weirdly silent, awkward break.
[00:24:26] Julie Lancaster: Cuz then they go into the break, and they want to chat and it’s like a kind of a lively atmosphere instead of awkward. And I’ve also learned this. So back to the business side, in email sequencing. It’s fascinating because what I’ve learned, this is the psychology piece really coming in, understanding people’s how their minds work through email chains.
[00:24:49] Julie Lancaster: What I, found out first is if I ask a question and I ask them like if they’re interested in, in this event or this product, if I then say in that same email, so if you’re interested, here’s a link to my calendar. Feel free to choose a time and go forth. One time out of 10, will they respond and sign up.
[00:25:09] Julie Lancaster: If I take that whole part out and say, hi, I think you’d be interested in this and want to chat about it, nine times out of 10 they will write back and say Yes. Then I can go and say, great, here’s a link to my calendar here, available dates. It is shocking and stunning to learn all of that stuff, but I find that the flow of things really, really matters on both in the room and before.
[00:25:33] Diana White: Now I, I have to ask, before we take our break, I have to ask, do you, do you teach the concept of the flow to the leadership that you’re working with? Because I think that flow, especially when it comes to communication, is equally important when you’re trying to lead.
[00:25:53] Julie Lancaster: I love this question, Diana, because I’ve been thinking a lot about this, so I’ve been thinking about maybe, possibly maybe one day writing a book.
[00:26:02] Julie Lancaster: And you, you know this cause you’ve been, you’ve been an encourager about this and I’ve thought maybe the book could be about how to do transformation, how to initiate transformation as a trainer or a facilitator or whatever we might want to say, or a coach, because there are so many little pieces that one I’ve learned along the way are two, there is, there is theory that goes into application.
[00:26:27] Julie Lancaster: That could be a whole book in terms of this is how to do things. Quite frankly, I haven’t taught on this and as I’ve become more seasoned or maybe skilled at doing this, I’m trying to move from being a level four leader to a level five leader, which Jim Collins will talk about, right? Level four is good at something, expert at something, but level five is, you can teach it.
[00:26:52] Julie Lancaster: You know what it is you do well, and so you can then teach it to other people. So maybe that’s my next step, figuring out how to teach the flow and teach some of these o other things as well.

[00:27:03] Affiliate Break

[00:27:03] Diana White: Well, you know what? That’s a good segue into taking a break. To appreciate our sponsor, I’d like to take a short break to thank our affiliate partner Audible.
[00:27:13] Diana White: Audible is an amazing way to consume 10 lessons learned books and other podcasts, allowing you to build a library of knowledge all in one place. You can start your free 30-day trial by going to audible trial.com/ten. Lessons Learned with Audible. You can find your favorite lesson while at home or on the go.
[00:27:33] Diana White: Once again, that’s audible trial.com/one zero lessons learned all lowercase for a free 30-day trial. The link will be in the show notes.
[00:27:44] Diana White: And you can, probably pre-order for Julie Lancaster’s book when it becomes available.

[00:27:52] Lesson 6: Have an ever-growing language bank.

[00:27:52] Diana White: Let’s welcome back Julie Lancaster and continue on with lesson number six. Lesson number six, have an ever-growing language bank.
[00:28:01] Diana White: Talk to me about that one.
[00:28:03] Julie Lancaster: Oh my gosh. So, this is new. This is new, Diana. This, and this is so exciting to me. So, what I have learned is that once we’re done doing programming with a team, it might be a one-day thing or it might be a 10-year thing, is that then the beauty is they have combined language to talk to each other, right?
[00:28:24] Julie Lancaster: They don’t have to go and explain a whole, whole concept. They’ll say to each other things like, what’s the reframe? Because they learned that as language. What’s the reframe? Just as an example, means if you’re having victim mentality or you’re giving away your power, or you’re not standing in your own strength, any of that stuff, what’s the reframe?
[00:28:44] Julie Lancaster: It’s like, how could you see this differently? When we have this language bank, it improves the quality of the engagement, right? Words matter. And so, what I’ve learned along the way is that like we can create our own, it was revolutionary. We don’t have to resort to, what does Tony Robbins say? What does Brene Brown say?
[00:29:06] Julie Lancaster: What does Simon Sinek say? We can create our own phrases, and so it’s really funny. Just more recently, like within the last year, I started writing them all down in this Lancaster leadership bank and its quotes or it’s short phrases, and I got a bunch of them even written here. If you want to hear any of them.
[00:29:24] Julie Lancaster: Some of them might be adaptations of what some other people say, and it’s not like we’re trying to like to steal a quote or something, but it’s like, you got to name it to tame it. Somebody probably first said that, and I could look it up, but it’s not like we’re saying here’s a quote and we’d like to teach it to you.
[00:29:40] Julie Lancaster: But we’re trying to teach the concept. If you’re having a hard feeling, you’re trying to push it down, push it away, don’t you got to name it first to be able to get to the other side. And I’m going to tell you, when I first started doing this 10 years ago, my mentor and coach Joanne Panke, I still clearly remember asking her kind of sheepishly, like, Joanne, is there a book of coachingisms or
[00:30:06] Diana White: coachingisms.
[00:30:07] Julie Lancaster: Yeah. And, and she was kind of looked at me like no. And so, I’ll tell you, when I watched her and another coach, because I got to watch countless hours of them coaching. I got to sit in the room. I would write down the language because. You don’t have to create the language brand new every single time, right?
[00:30:28] Julie Lancaster: There are certain ways to say things that all of us, just as humans, we repeat ourselves, right? We get this kind of intelligence that sticks with us and turns into particular phrases that become part of us. And so, I had this section that was called Joanneisms and another one that was called Debisms.
[00:30:46] Julie Lancaster: And now the coach that I work with these days, because to be a coach, I always think you got to have a coach. I have Andreaisms and so we have started creating our own, like this is what we say, and then it becomes part of our brand and what we say in our trainings, regardless of who the facilitator is.
[00:31:05] Julie Lancaster: Something that was so delightful that I have to share is that then about a year ago, maybe just under a year ago, so this was nine years after I asked Joanne, like, is there a book? Somebody on my team asked me the exact same question and I was, I finally made it. I’m talking from a book and there is a lot to learn and it’s so wonderful to get to the side of like, okay, I got my stuff now.
[00:31:31] Julie Lancaster: But so whether it’s a hundred different phrases or particular words or a thousand, I think it’s really beneficial to be able to draw on that instead of have to come up with something new every single time we’ve got, I’ve got, can I read a couple of, yeah. See that’s my, that’s my soliciting interest.
[00:31:52] Julie Lancaster: Instead of horse feeding facts, I’m trying to walk my talk. Ok. So, we’ve got one, which is to learn something best to teach it. Yes. Right. It’s not liked a revolutionary, but it’s like if you want to learn something, figure out how to teach it. Or another one, if you can’t say something nice about the person beside you, it says more about you than it says about them.
[00:32:14] Diana White: Ooh.
[00:32:15] Julie Lancaster: Right. It’s little things like that to challenge our thinking. Things like, can you speak the language of the receiver? Right. Think about how they process, how their mind works, and try and adapt so that your kind of in quote speaking the same language we’ve got. You got to feel it to heal it. I’m sure that has stemmed from someone.
[00:32:36] Julie Lancaster: You’ve got to name it to tame it. Right? The rhymie ones, for some reason, there’s been studies, they work more. Rhyming something is the more believable it is. Isn’t that. And we’ll say like, relationship first, strategy second, if you’re trying to figure out how to improve a relationship with somebody, do not go to what are the strategies and the techniques I need to work on?
[00:32:57] Julie Lancaster: It’s first deeply figure out how to respect value and appreciate that person, even if it’s not every part of them, because it’s about that that matters first before strategies. So, there’s just a few examples of our bank.
[00:33:10] Diana White: I love that. So, viewers and listeners, one of the things that I want to say, because I don’t think we talk about this as much not even just in the show, but just in general, there is, even when you’re by yourself, There is never a time where there’s only one person in the conversation.
[00:33:29] Diana White: You always have that inner voice. And so, I love what Julie’s bringing to the table, but I would add on top of that, if you’re going to practice this, and I suggest you do, and I can’t wait till she comes out with that book of all of those colloquialisms, right? Yeah. But when you practice this, it’s not enough for you to learn that new language and speak it.
[00:33:50] Diana White: You have to teach it to your inner voice.
[00:33:52] Julie Lancaster: Oh yeah.
[00:33:52] Diana White: You have to teach it to your inner critic too. That I know for sure. Otherwise, it’s just not going to resonate. What do you say, Julie?
[00:33:59] Julie Lancaster: Oh, I love that. And you know what’s coming to mind for me, Diana, is like when usually at the beginning of most of our trainings, we try and teach, how can we come with curiosity instead of judgment? That’s like one of our main tenets. And so, we teach people to, when that inner voice is getting judgey, self judgey or judgey about somebody else, can we switch it to have self-compassion and just be how interesting instead of, ah, I hate that thing, or I’m such a failure.
[00:34:29] Julie Lancaster: Oh, how interesting that I was, was comparing myself to the other person. Oh, how interesting that they do things so differently than I do. So, I am so with you on that.
[00:34:40] Diana White: I love it. I absolutely love it.

[00:34:42] Lesson 7: Dive in with 1 person.

[00:34:42] Diana White: Lesson number seven, dive in with one person.
[00:34:49] Julie Lancaster: Yes. Okay. So, Abraham Hicks talks about this concept of you learn better when you aren’t the subject.
[00:34:57] Julie Lancaster: And I don’t know if I think that’s exactly true, but I think there is so much to learn. From being the observer of, right. If I was going to coach you right now, If I was going to do that right, people would gain a lot because they’re watching and listening and observing. And so, some coaches or trainers are nervous because they’re like, but I can’t do equity or equality, I can’t help.
[00:35:20] Julie Lancaster: I can’t then do that for every person. So, should I do it to even one? And I say, hands down, yes. Because people will gain from getting to watch the experience and not having to be in the hot seat. It surprises me sometimes when I get asked this question, but someone will say, I want to give positive reinforcement to my group, so I want to tell the whole team, good job.
[00:35:41] Julie Lancaster: Is that the right way to do it? And I’ll tell them, no. Okay, I’ll be nicer than that. But I tell them when we give positive affirmation to the whole group and it’s somewhat generic. Again, there’s the flat lining. People don’t have an emotional connection to that appreciation. When you zero in on and you focus on one person, not in a favoritism kind of way, but that you have information and a story to back it up.
[00:36:10] Julie Lancaster: Like if I was to say I want to thank Diana because she demonstrated one of our core values within our organization this week, which is service. I know Diana was super busy and she took the time when I had this question of something that I’ve already been taught three times. She took the time to kindly sit down with me and make sure that I got anyway right.
[00:36:30] Julie Lancaster: That makes so much more of a difference than if we’re generic with the whole group. So, I am curious. Can we get personal for a minute, Diana?
[00:36:41] Diana White: Let’s do it. Let’s do it.
[00:36:42] Julie Lancaster: Yes. As you were on your leadership journey and I’ve had the real honor to watch you as you have climbed and climbed and you have so much to give and you don’t shy away from it, that’s how I see you.
[00:36:55] Julie Lancaster: What’s something that comes into your mind as something that you want to continue to develop and learn, or you’re like, oh, I don’t yet have that. It’s a growth area for you. Does anything come to mind? I know I’m totally putting you on the spot.
[00:37:08] Diana White: No. You know what? if I get to put you on the spot, you get to put me on the spot, right?
[00:37:15] Diana White: Yes. And I think besides the, the overarching umbrella is always servant leadership. I want to become more and more of a servant leader. And I don’t think that journey and that learning process ends because we’re humans and we’ve got that voice in our head that sometimes wants to be selfish, sometimes doesn’t want to look at the whole picture.
[00:37:37] Diana White: And so, I continue to work on that. But I think besides that umbrella piece, one of the things that I want to be able to do better, and I think I’m good at it. But one of the things I want to be able to do better, there’s listening for comprehension and empathy, right? But when you listen for empathy, you really, really have to be able to shed everything and put yourself in that person’s shoes.
[00:38:05] Diana White: Otherwise, it’s a little, it’s a little bit of a mixture between sympathy and empathy and sometimes that just doesn’t cut it. And so, I would love to have a day where all of my conversations, whether they’re superficial, whether they’re just corny and hokey and we’re laughing and joking that that person.
[00:38:27] Diana White knows I’m trying my best to speak their language. That’s where I would love to be.
[00:38:34] Julie Lancaster: Dang. So first I have to tell you, I’m so inspired. That’s so beautiful. What an incredible, incredible goal. And a couple of things just stood out to me. Can I share with you what those were?
[00:38:46] Diana White: You can.
[00:38:47] Julie Lancaster: The first is your servant leadership.
[00:38:49] Julie Lancaster: What you added in there is that it’s also seeing the big picture. And I love that because then that what you’ve just done for me is think, oh sure, I can think I’m a servant leader. And then I’m like, huh, but how frequently am I remembering to see the big picture that really stood out to me and is going to continue to stay with me.
[00:39:07] Julie Lancaster: And then you just did what make coaches jobs so easy. You’re like, here’s my issue and here’s what I’ll do. You’re welcome. You’re welcome. I’ve worked so hard on this end, but right. You just, you also gave the listeners, I’m guessing this is what just happened, is people are like, oh yes, please do tell, Ooh, Diana the host who we respect and admire, she’s got some growth.
[00:39:29] Julie Lancaster: What is it? And then for you to talk about having one day. You just gave empathy and understanding all day, and someone really felt it. I can’t wait to hear how that goes.
[00:39:39] Diana White: I can’t wait either. Still working on it.
[00:39:42] Julie Lancaster: And that’s the beauty, that’s the beauty of right there, diving in with one person because it’s about, it’s about you.
[00:39:49] Julie Lancaster: Instead of us just being generic and being like, remember everybody, try your best or remember everybody have goals. It’s like, what’s your goal? And teach us about it. So, thanks for doing that with me.
[00:40:00] Diana White: Oh, well thank you. And viewers and listeners, we, we do this a lot When we get together, we’re, constantly challenging each other on what’s your next step to be a better you.
[00:40:10] Diana White: And only Julie brings that out in me. And I, and I love that. I love that.

[00:40:15] Lesson 8: Bring numbers into the emotional.

[00:40:15] Diana White: Lesson number eight. Bring numbers into the emotional. Ooh. I know what you’re going to say. And I cannot wait.
[00:40:22] Julie Lancaster: People are complicated and messy and confusing and talking about emotions is, is like all over the place. So, my favorite and I, I don’t know, maybe a decade from now I’ll be like, I got a different favorite technique, but this decade, my favorite technique. To try and make some sense of all the messiness and then figure out how to move forward.
[00:40:45] Julie Lancaster: Cuz that’s what coaches are about is, is meeting you where you are and helping you to move forward. Is coaching by numbers. I just got off a coaching call right before you and I got on here.
[00:40:57] Julie Lancaster: And one thing I was working with that person on was the quiet quitting concept. You’re familiar with this concept?
[00:41:04] Diana White: Oh yes.
[00:41:05] Julie Lancaster: Oh yes.
[00:41:06] Julie Lancaster: Don’t we wish we weren’t? And she said, how do I get my people to overcome this quiet quitting? And I said, okay. So, we’re going to go through this process of first.
[00:41:16] Julie Lancaster: Self-awareness, helping your people to self-assess on a scale of one to a hundred. You can ask them the question, how motivated are you these days? Or whatever the question is for you. There are a few different brands of quiet quitting, right? And so, a hundred, you make a hundred seem impossible. A hundred is the most motivated anybody else has ever been.
[00:41:37] Julie Lancaster: You can’t wait for the weekend to be done so you can get back to work. Cause you love every minute. And zero is you hate everybody and everything and you’re looking for jobs daily, right? And so, ask your people. And so, she was like, oh, that’s a clear way to get at a concept. So, then what you’re learning from their number is high, medium, or low.
[00:42:01] Julie Lancaster: And then the goal is to say, okay, what can we do to get you 1% higher? So, they, let’s say they say three or they say 93. The question is then what can we do to get you to a four or a 94? And it’s amazing how that little bit of clarity by using those numbers helps people to take it from messy to perhaps more clarity with goals.
[00:42:24] Julie Lancaster: What do you think about all that, Diana?
[00:42:26] Diana White: I, I think that is brilliant. And you know, again, I come from retail, so everything was numbers. So, I’ve been doing that trick for a really, really long time. But I think when it comes to, you know, where, obviously, I am of a, a different generation, right? And so, I, I don’t get the quiet quitting.
[00:42:45] Diana White: I really don’t. I do get people feeling overworked, overlooked, underpaid. I do get that, but I. I’ve grown up with a sense of my own self-worth and what I bring to the table. Anytime I take on a project, a job, a role, a commitment, everything is about my personal best. I’m not worried about the water cooler politics.
[00:43:15] Diana White: I’m not worried about what the other person’s saying. I’m truly focusing on what I bring to the table, what I do best, and that fulfills me. Now, if I start to feel like I’m being overworked, underpaid, overlooked. I’m still going to do my personal best because that is between me and myself, but I will start actively seeking out a plan B, but I don’t think me seeking out a plan B should have anything to do with the here and now.
[00:43:47] Diana White: If I’m having a meal and it’s a great meal, or it could be a crappy meal. How I eat that meal does not affect, you know what I’m thinking about? Okay, this meal was crappy, and I really want a piece of cheesecake. It doesn’t stop me from eating that meal. Yeah. You know what I mean? I can think about that piece of cheesecake.
[00:44:10] Diana White: I can know that I’m going to go get it. I can map out the steps to go get it, but I’m still going to do what I’m doing in the moment, which is eating that crappy meal. Right. Yeah.
[00:44:19] Julie Lancaster: I hear you. Well, it’s so interesting that you bring up the generational piece and we’re like diving into the quiet, quitting for a moment because I heard somebody say something the other day in a coaching session and I thought they have just put some great language to the quiet quitting.
[00:44:34] Julie Lancaster: They said, I can suffer through anything. And so, like that description of the meal and the cheesecake, It’s good and it’s bad. Right? Right. It’s a blessing and it’s a curse. Right. When we over utilize that, I can, I’m going to still give all of my energy to this thing that I don’t quite care about. That is what this younger generation is kind of getting away from.
[00:44:57] Julie Lancaster: They’re like, I, I want to live my values. I’ve got this one life and so how can I find something else? And it might look like in quotes, quiet, quitting because they’re not giving their all to their current job. But it’s also perhaps a generational thing to say we should give our all to our jobs. Right? Yeah.
[00:45:17] Julie Lancaster: They might challenge us and say, shouldn’t we give our all to our full lives? But there are strategies for us to help people to be more engaged, more motivated, more connected, more purpose driven to their work. And it’s not about, we have to make it look like butterflies and unicorns. But it’s about FaceTime with them.
[00:45:39] Julie Lancaster: It’s about showing recognition. It’s about helping them to have goals and then reaching them. It’s about putting them in learning’s way, meaning giving them opportunities to grow how they might like to grow. And so, the beauty is, if I won’t ask you this now, right? But if I was to say how, how motivated are you about your job these days?
[00:45:59] Julie Lancaster: It might be on a number scale, it might be a complicated question for you because, well, how much do I love it versus how much am I pushing? There are certainly days that I don’t love, but I’ll still give my all anyway. And so, the coaching by numbers just gives us a place to start the conversation and really start evaluating how are things and do I want them to be different?
[00:46:19] Diana White: I agree with all of that. And then I, I also, every time I say stuff like this, because the world has been boiled down to sound bites these days, right? And so, I want people to understand that are consuming this show, that I’m not saying that no matter what kind of a situation you’re in, give it 1000% right.
[00:46:40] Diana White: If you’re in a toxic work environment, get out. Yeah. You have to have a plan B, right? Yeah. But there’s a difference between showing your employer that you’re a human being and you have boundaries, and you want a balance in your life than to for lack of a better phrase, be antagonistic about, you know, withholding pieces of your performance because you don’t like what’s going on in the culture, in the ecosystem.
[00:47:10] Diana White: There is a difference. And I dare say that when you’re doing that, that has nothing to do with your personal best. You’re not giving your personal best. it’s you against them kind of situation, which is unhealthy for everyone.
[00:47:22] Julie Lancaster: So back in our day we used to use the language of passive aggressive, right?
[00:47:27] Julie Lancaster: Which I feel like is kind of what you’re describing right now. Yeah. That I’m going to aggressively be passive, I’m going to consciously withhold, which that just is a miserable existence for everybody.
[00:47:39] Diana White: It is, it is. it doesn’t benefit anyone. Especially doesn’t benefit you if you’re young and you’re trying to figure out what is my mark going to be, what is my personal best, what really does make me happy?
[00:47:53] Diana White: Yeah. The only thing that you fall back on is, I know I was miserable there. I know I didn’t like this. Yeah. But where is the growth? Where’s the growth? So, we could talk about this. Ad nauseam, but I won’t do that. But viewers and listeners don’t come at me because I, I don’t sound like I’m in support of the quiet quit movement.
[00:48:13] Diana White: I’m in support of people setting their boundaries.
[00:48:16] Julie Lancaster: Yes.
[00:48:16] Diana White: And creating a healthy culture in the workplace. Of course. And if they can’t do that, if it’s not healthy for you, get out. Find your plan B. But don’t, don’t burn the bridges and make it miserable before you go. That’s what I’m in favor of.
[00:48:30] Julie Lancaster: Amen. Amen. That.

[00:48:31] Lesson 9: F/U.

[00:48:31] Diana White: All right, lesson number nine. I’m going to say this as written because if I say it as I grew up in the Bronx, it’s going to sound totally different. Oh. So, we have a lesson number nine. We have an F slash U period.
[00:48:45] Julie Lancaster: F U.
[00:48:48] Diana White: Ok. We’re doing it. F U. What’s number nine?
[00:48:52] Julie Lancaster: There’s so many ways we could interpret it, aren’t there?
[00:48:55] Julie Lancaster: I still remember, this is maybe like 15 years ago that I was working with someone. We have poignant moments, things that are sticky in our trajectory, in our histories, right? And I still remember Kathy had written on our meeting Agenda F U and I was like, why did she write that? Did she want to have a conversation with me about?
[00:49:13] Julie Lancaster: And she was like, oh, it’s just a shorthand, her follow up. And I was, I’m going to use that forever after. And so, the follow up, so I alluded to it earlier or I mentioned how before I used to be afraid to ever come across as salesy because it felt pushy and it felt like I never want to be cramming something down somebody’s throat until the one day when I was learning about sales.
[00:49:38] Julie Lancaster: That that’s actually customer service to say, hey, let’s follow up on how was your experience and I’ll offer to you more things if you would like for me to offer more things to you. And so, I will say that in terms of the success of my business, in terms of it just growing, where I’ve been shocked, like I’ve sometimes been like, what is happening?
[00:49:59] Julie Lancaster: This is magic. It’s purely magic. there might be like four things that are the secret to the business growing. One of them is that the 15-minute follow up question where the conversation where I’m asking them the question, would it be helpful if I shared more with you about where I see your organization could go or what we might do together and also.
[00:50:20] Julie Lancaster: If somebody in, if we’re in a room of transformation and someone just shared that they just lost their parent or that they’re having a really hard week, if I can have the capacity, and I will tell you I can’t always have the capacity but to email them afterwards or if I have their phone number, which I often don’t, but to give them a text or something and say, I’m thinking about you and I care about you, and how are you?
[00:50:43] Julie Lancaster: It is amazing how it is. Relationship building and soul fulfilling, kind of enriching on both sides for me as well as for them.
[00:50:53] Julie Lancaster: If I can make that happen, the quality of my life is so improved, and I think that it also helps somebody else. There’s a customer service strategy. People stuff and customer service stuff, it’s kind of the same as long as we’re being authentic. Which is called Ford, f o r d. So, a strategy if you’re wanting to have improved relationships or improved customer service, if you care about your customers as relationships is family, occupation, recreation, and dreams.
[00:51:22] Julie Lancaster: Can you know those four things about people? And the, the way that the follow-up ties into that right here is that if you comment on somebody’s dreams after the fact, if you told me last year that you had a goal that you were going to maybe go to Jamaica and you ended up going to Jamaica and a few months later I’m like, Diane, I remember you were going to go to Jamaica and you want to have this relaxing, wonderful time with your daughter.
[00:51:50] Julie Lancaster: How was it? You might. Instantly feel love and connection. That’s how I feel when people do that to me. I still remember one time I was teaching in a retail environment, some customer service stuff, and I taught this F O R D thing, and someone said, can you give us an example of dreams? And I was like, sure.
[00:52:08] Julie Lancaster: Cuz as a facilitator you always say, sure. And then you rack your brain so fast. Story, story, story, story. What do I have in there? And someone said, out of the audience, they said, Julie, how’s it going with those pullups? Right. And I instantly felt love, like really, honestly. My eyes started to get wet, and I was like, keep it together.
[00:52:28] Julie Lancaster: Keep it together. You can get emotional but not too emotional because then it’s turning into a thing about you instead of about serving them And the reason she said that was because I had one time done a post on social media about like, I want to be able to do a pull up. And so, it was kind of a personal share and a vulnerability share to say I am not able to do one at all.
[00:52:47] Julie Lancaster: And so, she remembered, and she commented on it, and I happily was able to say then like the, the end of the story, which felt great too, to say, well that was now two years ago and I can now do 23. yeah. But I do have to confess, not all at once, it’s three, and then walk around the track and then three, and then walk around the track.
[00:53:07] Julie Lancaster: But still, the point is when we connect with people, we remember their goals, remember their dreams, and connect with them all. That’s about follow up. It’s just, it’s a happier, more heartfelt place to be.
[00:53:21] Diana White: Well, viewers and listeners, now that we know what F U means, I’m going to say follow up is extremely important, not just in your personal life, but in your business.
[00:53:34] Diana White: One bit of advice I will give you, if you’re writing a list to your boss, spell out follow up.
[00:53:43] Julie Lancaster: Yeah.
[00:53:43] Diana White: All I’m going to say, if it’s your personal list, use all the shorthand you want. But if it’s to your boss or your coworker, just write those extra letters. I think it’ll add to the conversation.
[00:53:55] Julie Lancaster: So good.
[00:53:57] Diana White: I love it. I love it.

[00:53:59] Lesson 10: Know (and use) your power & influence.

[00:53:59] Julie Lancaster: Julie, we’re down to lesson number 10. Lesson number 10. Know and use your power and influence.
[00:54:06] Julie Lancaster: Okay, so ladies, listen up. I was just kidding. I, this is for all gender, all ages, all people. However, I will say in my work, With women. It is so surprisingly common, right? That they’re saying, I want to work on my confidence and I’m telling you, see you, you know?
[00:54:27] Julie Lancaster: Right. You know, CEOs, they’re like, I’ve got imposter syndrome. I don’t know what I’m doing. And so, this whole idea that power can be a positive word is kind of revolutionary to some of us. And I’ve been thinking back like, when did I recognize that it was okay to say that I’ve got power and utilize it? And I think it’s been from being in rooms where the topics of diversity, equity, and inclusion are talked about.
[00:54:54] Julie Lancaster: Because Ivy Banks, she teaches me a lot. She’s part of my team and she teaches our clients on this topic. She will say, you’ve got influence, you’ve got privilege. Don’t try and dismiss it, but bring a folding chair, meaning claim it. Don’t try and hide your light under a bushel or become invisible or apologize for it but bring people into the conversation.
[00:55:20] Julie Lancaster: Provide an opportunity for others. Lift as you climb. And so I feel like my life would be complete, Diana, if everybody recognized that they do have power and influence but with little caveats, like I’m talking about authentically and to make the world a better place and Right, we’re not talking about like monsters who are just egomaniacs and self-serving.
[00:55:42] Julie Lancaster: And so, I think that’s important for us to, to recognize and. Sometimes though we say I want to have influence over my kids. I hear this one a lot and they are not picking up what I’m putting down. The amazing world I’ve influence is we don’t get to choose who is influenced by us or how, but we can just show up in the world recognizing that we do have the potential to influence in a positive way and utilize our power and people will be influenced almost every session when we’re talking about leadership, we’re doing a leadership academy or a leadership training.
[00:56:17] Julie Lancaster: I get really clear; my team gets really clear with a participant as to what we mean by leadership. And we say, it is not about position that your title says boss. Somehow with it, it is about influence. And sometimes we wish we didn’t have any power or influence. We would like to be invisible, wear our pyjamas for the day and have nobody notice, but people are noticing.
[00:56:41] Julie Lancaster: So, I would love for all of the listeners, and I would even love for myself to do this today, to be thinking about how do I want to show up for the next 10 years, 20 years, 30 years? What’s the influence I want to have? I want to tell you, I was just in Tucson, Arizona with one of my best friends, Arianna. We just had this we’ll say coaches’ retreat.
[00:57:02] Julie Lancaster: Right. We’re both coaches and we love each other. And we had some time together anyway. And her spouse, her partner, her husband, he is retiring at 60, just like retired two days ago. And I have been in like the Twilight Zone thinking about like, what do I want my life to look like in, that’ll be 11 years for me because I’m 49 now.
[00:57:25] Julie Lancaster: And so just to be thinking about that, how do I want to show up and is how I’m showing up today exactly how I want to show up or do I want to tweak it a little bit? And so, I just think that’s important for us to recognize. We do have power. It’s not a bad word. We do have influence and how do we want to show up?
[00:57:42] Diana White: I love that. and I hope all of our viewers and listeners take something away from that. Even, and we’re not going to break this down into gender, right? But I would say if you got something from this wonderful. Lesson number 10, know and use your power and influence. Yeah. If you already knew it, but there are people in your life that you can tell they’re not there yet.
[00:58:08] Diana White: Help them. Get that folding chair. Help them. Because it’s not easy. It’s not easy. It’s the scariest thing in the world. I also want to talk about imposter syndrome real quick. Julie.
[00:58:19] Julie Lancaster: Yes. Bring it.
[00:58:20] Diana White: I was talking to a girlfriend about this. She had worked for a company for almost 30 years, and of course they had a round of layoffs and she was one of them.
[00:58:29] Diana White: And here she is now middle age and trying to figure out who she really is because I mean, her LinkedIn wasn’t up to date. Her resume wasn’t up to date because she was in a company for 30 years. Now, of course, there are people that’ll tell you, doesn’t matter how long you’re in a company, keep that stuff updated.
[00:58:46] Diana White: We won’t go there. But one of the things that struck me is when we talked about. How she felt going into the world and trying to get another job. She talked about imposter syndrome, and it was an epiphany for me because I said, let’s look up the definition of imposter, not imposter syndrome, just imposter.
[00:59:06] Diana White: The definition of imposter is someone taking someone else’s identity and using that identity for their advantage. You are who you are. You are not an imposter. And I wish that we can change that mindset and stop using that phrase and imposter syndrome, maybe call it, I feel like I have skillset deficiencies.
[00:59:29] Diana White: Yeah. I feel like I’m not, I’m not where I should be yet. Yes. But to say imposter sin, you’re not an imposter. You are who you are. Yeah. And it, that’s worrisome to me because we’re using a. A lot more in our everyday vernacular. I feel like sometimes we can say, oh, it’s windy outside.
[00:59:47] Diana White: Oh yeah. It’s because the wind has imposter syndrome. Like we’re using it in everything, you know? Right. And, and I feel like we need to change that narrative because yes, you can call something out and embrace it, but sometimes you go too far in embracing it that it becomes okay. And normal.
[01:00:02] Diana White: And that’s, that’s not what we want this to be.
[01:00:05] Julie Lancaster: you’re like the, the weaver of all the things together. It’s bringing up the topic also about how language matters.
[01:00:11] Diana White: Yes.
[01:00:12] Julie Lancaster: What we say matters because our thoughts become our actions and our words. It becomes our trajectory and our destiny and how we show up in the world.
[01:00:21] Julie Lancaster: So, I love, I love, actually, I also love what you’re doing, which is challenging. Right? Challenging. This is how people speak. This is what people say. This is a phrase that’s used, but let’s consider it for a minute. Do I agree? Do I not agree? Do I have my own opinion on this? And I love it when workplaces or relationships where people have their permission to do that instead of just having to be the yes man or the go along gal or whatever it might be.
[01:00:46] Julie Lancaster: I love that. I’m going to keep thinking about what it would be. I like that, the skill deficiency idea, because that’s what it is. And we’ll get a room full of people where I ask what their deepest fears are, and I have them write them all down and they pass them in and half of them say something like that they’re all going to find out.
[01:01:04] Julie Lancaster: They’re all going to find out. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not as competent as I seem. I’m not as confident as I seem. And once people are able to share that with each other, it’s like they’re, the weight is lifted. Cuz they’re like, no way. You too. So, what’s this ridiculous ideal that we have in our minds that we’re supposed to know every single thing at every single moment?
[01:01:25] Julie Lancaster: That is ridiculous.
[01:01:26] Diana White: And it’s also ridiculous, when you have someone gender aside, male or female That has gone to school for a particular discipline, has worked their butt off in their career. Has gotten to a certain point in leadership after working all of those years in the discipline that they went to school for to say, I feel like an imposter.
[01:01:48] Diana White: Then who are you?
[01:01:49] Julie Lancaster: Right, right. And actually,
[01:01:51] Diana White: So, I think we have to change it.
[01:01:52] Julie Lancaster: Yeah, that’s right. And it’s funny that you mentioned that. Who are you? Because I sometimes they’ll say your clients are replicas of you in certain ways. And so, it’s not a surprise to me that many of my clients are similar age to me.
[01:02:08] Julie Lancaster: And so some of them will say, At our young old age of 49 esque, or maybe, you know, between 30 and 50 or maybe the most common clients they have, they’ll say, I think I’m having a midlife crisis, which is kind of a questioning of their identity. And I’m like, it’s not, let’s take that label off it and call it midlife questioning, because midlife questioning is actually fantastic.
[01:02:29] Julie Lancaster: Yes. Do I want to show up in the next half the same as I showed up in the previous half? Are there some things I believed as a kid or in my younger days that I want to free and take on some different identities or thoughts or, or ways of being in the world?
[01:02:43] Diana White: I wish they had another word that was kind of equivalent to adolescence because you are going into a new phase in your life, and you got to figure out who you are and it’s awkward and sometimes it’s
[01:02:55] Diana White: gross and, and mean and, and you got to cut some people off and you got to, I wish there was another word for that. Midlife crisis does not work. I agree with you, but I wish there was another term. I’m not going into adolescence. I’m going into middolescence or something like that.
[01:03:11] Julie Lancaster: Oh my gosh. That’s so good.
[01:03:12] Julie Lancaster: You first coined here middolescence.
[01:03:15] Diana White: Middolescence. Yes.

[01:03:17] Diana White: Alright, we’ve, got the lessons and man, they were doozies. I’ve got one more question for you. What have you had to unlearn?
[01:03:26] Julie Lancaster: Oh, a lot but, but the one that I will say Diana, is one that I will probably not have totally ever unlearned it. And hopefully that’s hopeful for people who are like, I’ve been working on patience for decades, or I’ve been working on whatever for decades.
[01:03:45] Julie Lancaster: Sometimes we just keep having to have it be part of our lives because it serves a purpose. Speed.
[01:03:52] Julie Lancaster: Mine is about.
[01:03:54] Julie Lancaster: it gives me, ugh, it’s weird. It even gives me chills as I’m bringing it up because it is, I have such an interesting relationship with speed going quickly, being busy get going on to the next thing.
[01:04:06] Julie Lancaster: And so, it is, that is not my best self sometimes it is. I love the dynamicness of it, the engagement, the connection, the synthesis of this idea and this idea all coming together. But I like peace as much as I like speed and those two things do often not exist for me together. And my body has given me indicators that sometimes I’m moving too quickly, even if it’s just quick in thought that I’ll be sweating.
[01:04:34] Julie Lancaster: I’ll be in a training room, and I’ve learned to actually wear two layers of clothes because I don’t want to be the gross person who’s like showing all the armpit sweat, but it’s my body’s way of being like, chill out. Or I know I can get talking too quickly, or I’ll reread an email that I wrote that had some typos in it.
[01:04:52] Julie Lancaster: I’m like, it’s just because I was going too fast. And going back to the concept of self-awareness, when I can recognize it, that’s all the strategy I need. I don’t have to be like, now what should I do about it? Because I’m now recognizing I’m going fast. All I know, what I know is I just need to take a breath and show up in the next second in a different way.
[01:05:12] Julie Lancaster: And sometimes I’ll work with my clients on this because they’ll say, I want to show up in a different way. It’s a mindset kind of thing. And we talk about, can you take an inventory even just for three days, once an hour, set your clock, set your timer. I set an alarm for once an hour for it to go off, and for you to stop and recognize how am I showing up in the world right now?
[01:05:33] Julie Lancaster: How am I feeling? And I do that with myself from time to time. And it is perpetually amazing to me how I’m like, there it is again, that I’ve got a little bit of frenetic energy, a little bit of like get onto the next thing and do this next thing. And what’s the next thing that’s coming? And it serves me until it doesn’t.
[01:05:53] Julie Lancaster: And I talk with my clients about that all the time, that we have strengths that are incredible in our own superpowers, and that is one of mine until we over utilize it and then it’s a liability. So that is what I need to consistently, probably once a month at least, check in with myself and check in about my speed.
[01:06:13] Diana White: Julie, where can we find you? What are you working on?
[01:06:17] Julie Lancaster: Oh, okay. So yeah, if you’re looking to do coaching for retreats, strategic advances, strategic planning, any of that stuff, I’ll talk with you and see if you, if we have services for you and if we don’t. Lancaster leadership.com. There is no D for some reason, people like to put in a D in there, Lancaster leadership.com and you can find out about our services, how to reach out and contact us.
[01:06:45] Julie Lancaster: We’re based out of Flagstaff, Arizona, but we work all over the country.
[01:06:48] Diana White: I love it. I want to thank my guest, Julie Lancaster, for sharing her lessons with us today.
[01:06:55] Julie Lancaster: Thank you.
[01:06:56] Diana White: You are amazing.
[01:06:58] Julie Lancaster: I’m so delighted to be here with you. Thank you for inviting me and for letting me be with all your people.
[01:07:04] Diana White: Well, I can tell you, I know that we’re going to get some comments on some epiphanies that happened with today’s lessons for sure. And everyone please remember that advice about the F U.

[01:07:14] Diana White: Okay. I’m going to close; I’m going to close the show out. You’ve been listening to 10 Lessons Learned. This episode is produced by Robert Hossary, supported as always by the Professional Development Forum.
[01:07:27] Diana White: Please tell us what you think of today’s lessons. You can email us at podcast 10 lessons learned.com. Go ahead and hit that like button, subscribe and turn on the notification bell so you don’t miss an episode of the only podcast that makes the world wiser.
[01:07:42] Diana White: Lesson by lesson. Be safe, everybody.

 This episode is produced by Robert Hossary. Sponsored as always by Professional Development Forum. You can find the www.professionaldevelopmentforum.org you’ve heard from us we’d like to hear from you. Email us it’s podcast@10lessonslearned.com. Remember, this is the podcast the only podcast. That’s makes the world wiser lesson by lesson.