Dr. Sogol Homayoun – Direction is More Important than Speed

Siebe Vanderzee: Hello and welcome to 10 Lessons Learned, the podcast where we talk to leaders, experts, extraordinary individuals from all over the world to uncover the lessons that have shaped their careers, their lives, and perhaps their business. The goal of our program is simple, making the world a little wiser. One lesson at the time.
My name is Siebe Vanderzee, and I’m your host. I’m based in Phoenix, Arizona, in the beautiful Grand Canyon State, where I’m also known as the Dutchman in the Desert.
Our guest today is Dr. Sogol Homayoun. Dr. Homayoun is an author, global speaker, facilitator, executive coach, specializing in leadership development. Dr. Homayoun. Supports those who are sensitive to their environments. By transforming thoughts and emotions into powerful professional growth. With expertise in storytelling, design [00:01:00] thinking, mindfulness, hypnotherapy and NLP. It stands for neurolinguistic programming. Dr. Homayoun blends compassionate leadership with deep self-awareness practices.
She received her doctorate degree in education from Arizona State University, and she brings a global perspective shaped by her life in the Middle East and in the United States.
Hello, Sogol. Thank you for joining us.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Hi. Thank you so much for having me.
Siebe Vanderzee: I look forward to our conversation.
tell us more about yourself, please.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: thank you so much for this time today. my name is Sogol Homayoun. I’m originally from Iran. I’m an Iranian American living in the United States at this time, and currently I am a leadership executive coach, specifically interested in using, the power of hypnotherapy, or neurolinguistic programming to help detox or rewire, different clients’ [00:02:00] brains regarding some sensitivities they may have with certain people place and things. And I also, love to bring eastern and western leadership wisdom into my practices to help people look at the world differently.
And finally, I equip people with creativity tools to be able to sustain their efforts and their personal and professional lives.
Siebe Vanderzee: Interesting. And at the same time, I’m curious, who are your typical clients?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: at this point I connect with clients in, different organizations, from small to large businesses, in different, public and private and non, profit sector.
Because as humans we all have sensitivities. It just depends on how much we are sensitive, and we explore that during our sessions to be able to see how far down the rabbit hole we have to [00:03:00] go. But the most important thing about ourselves as humans is that the brain is very malleable. the concept of neuroplasticity, right?
Where the brain has the ability to be able to rewire itself through the proper facilitation. And that is basically a beautiful phenomenon that I encourage everybody to experience. in reality the brain can do that with, visualization techniques facilitated by another person.
And once you become comfortable facilitated by yourself, that has been one of the most transformative ways to be able to continue our lives in this overstimulated world that we live in, where we’re constantly bombarded with different types of. electronics people, activities that want to grab our attention, and the brain may go into overdrive.
And so, this helps us understand those stimulations and to basically ask ourselves, do we [00:04:00] want to continue to be in that fight or flight response mode, or do we want to give our brains a break?
Siebe Vanderzee: I’m curious because this sounds very interesting and I do coaching as well? Not at the level that you do it, but many times when I work with clients and I’m curious in your case, there is a level of resistance.
Number one, I don’t know if I need a coach. I’m doing fine. I know what I’m doing. how do you connect with your clients and the spark goes and say, you know, this is really helpful for me.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: as you said, I think the word connection, in the world of neuroscience means resonance. I think clients when maybe they look at from the website all the way to maybe speaking to me or maybe hearing, referrals from my testimonials, or just people who have been in touch with me, if I resonate with them and the words and the specific, presentation that I’m providing to them in our initial 30 [00:05:00] minute consultation call, then I see they become curious.
Siebe Vanderzee: And be able to try it out and through my practice. it really just takes one session. To really see the benefits. once they see the benefits, they come back. And for me it’s about empowerment, right? Coaching, in my opinion, is about understanding situational, leadership that the clients are bringing in and being able to just have really powerful conversations being their sounding board and being able to point them to the right direction.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: But more importantly, helping themselves see the wiseness or the beautiful, information that they themselves in through their inner work can conjure up during the sessions. I truly believe, humans are [00:06:00] wise, but sometimes we have decided not to listen to that wise voice. It’s now it’s time to bring it back and I help facilitate that.
Siebe Vanderzee: that makes sense. Of course. And I think as a coach kind of goes with the term, you have their backs, you are there to support them. And if that client understands that, hey, I have someone who is looking out for me and wants to help me out, that is wonderful, step in that whole process, for the, for the individual.
I’m curious before we get started on your 10 lessons, is there perhaps lesson that you have learned in your life or in your career that now you would say, man, I wish I would’ve learned that lesson when I was, whatever, 20, 25 years old?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Yeah, absolutely. The one lesson that if I could go back and understand that in my twenties is actually stemming from a beautiful poem.
And quote [00:07:00] that I know from, a Sufi poet, widely known in the US by Rumi. that says, yesterday I was clever, and I thought I couldn’t change the world. Today I’m wise, and now I’m changing myself. And so, the moral of that story is that in my twenties, I set out to think I can change a lot of people and to control my environment as much as possible.
And I spent a lot of my cortisol doing that. And what I realized is that it’s not only not possible, but it’s not needed because the secret is that you become the example. And once you become the example, your environment will adjust to you.
Siebe Vanderzee: Very well said. I like it. Thank you for that. Let’s take a look at your lessons.

Lesson 1: Find mentors to learn everything about yourself

Siebe Vanderzee: lesson number one, find mentors to learn everything about yourself. Well, we’re kind of talking about that, [00:08:00] but what are your thoughts on that?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: So, I have a unique journey, when you live in two countries, growing up or just being a global citizen, if you will. Right. You so develop some practices and perspectives about looking the world a bit more objectively and being able to just see how different cultures intermingle with each other and being able to understand the nuances that comes with that, mingling of the cultures.
And for me growing up, between Tehran and Los Angeles, it was an eye-opening opportunity to be able to understand, a lot of things, not only about my culture, but about different country perspectives, political perspectives, just understanding how people connect and resonate, with each other.
And so, when I was 18 years old, one of the most profound questions that I wanted to ask [00:09:00] from my power is, how can I connect to God directly? Because I’m hearing and seeing all these things that don’t resonate with me in the world. And for me, it was about finding an opportunity to be able to understand that aspect of myself, and I didn’t know what I was going to find, so by looking and asking around, in my life it just turned out that I was introduced to a Sufi class.
And for those that don’t know a little bit about Sufism, Sufism is Islam. It is an intellectual perspective of how Islamic teachings have passed down through different prophets.
The lessons that have culminated to Prophet Mohammed peace be upon him. And now as humans trying to also get to some form of enlightenment. In the 21st century, [00:10:00] I’ve learned that you can have a direct correlation with your God by understanding yourself. And when you do cognize yourself, you do cognize your God.
That has been transformative through my first mentor at 18, who is a Sufi master and a physicist. So, from the lens of physics, I have started my spiritual journey to be able to understand the reality of life and how malleable it can be based on the perspective that you look into it. And so, since then I realized that if this one person can change my life, then there’s going to be other people that I need to seek advice from in my personal and professional life.
And so that journey continued on wonderful people informing all of my life lessons throughout my life journey, because I was intentionally curious. [00:11:00] I was intentionally wanting to know more about myself, and I intentionally wanted to make sure that I become part of my life design and not allow other people to tell me what to do.
That’s a very important point because we have a tendency to want to listen to those external voices and not reflect and see what resonates within, but because of my spiritual training and upbringing, that was the point is that, yes, be with people, but don’t be of people’s behaviors or characters and listen to what resonates for you within you.
And so that is the ultimate aspect of mentorship. That’s the ultimate aspect of learning from other people, is hear the words, hear the wise words, listen, and then reflect and see
Siebe Vanderzee: I was just thinking, because with all due respect to religion, how do you find a mentor when it’s not based on [00:12:00] religion?
Yeah. And who would be a good quote unquote mentor?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: going back to curiosity, right. When you are interested in a specific topic, a specific type of, work, a typical task or a hobby, typically you want to find a teacher, to be able to help guide you in that process.
I am very interested and have always been interested in dancing. And so, for me, it was really important to be able to understand a little bit more about finding the right teacher to be able to teach me tango or salsa.
Siebe Vanderzee: And how did you find the right teacher?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: For me, it was through university settings at first, to be able to see what classes I can sign up with.
And then outside of university, also community meetups and being able to understand where these classes are taught throughout the city of Phoenix.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: it’s a little personal research, a little bit, me asking [00:13:00] around friends and family to see if they’ve ever done this before.
Siebe Vanderzee: yeah. Makes sense.
Makes sense. I appreciate that.

Lesson 2: Find your purpose through resonance

Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. Let’s move on to lesson number two, find your purpose through resonance.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Yeah, definitely.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. What are your thoughts on that?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: so, a lot of our upbringing in my life have been about logic and understanding things rationally. Whereas on the side, I’ve also felt, I’m also a very intuitive person, basically if I met someone or talked to a certain person, they would make me feel a certain way.
And we sometimes discount that ability as humans to be able to read between the lines when we’re connecting with something. Over time, I realized I need to listen to both [00:14:00] feelings and logic and understand that if this is something that truly feels good for me to do at any given time, to do an initial check-in and see from.
A logical perspective, does this fit within my life, design my goals, the different types of activities that I’ve already set out to do, but also does it feel Right. And does it resonate with me to do it right now?
And if I have any type of flag, red flag, or reason not to do it, it’s a hard no.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. Yeah. And of course, your perspective, our perspective as human beings, it can easily change over time. Yeah.
over time you say, you learn lessons and you say, I got to make adjustments. Right. it’s an ongoing process and, I think a good call out, yes.
At any age, just about that people come to a realization and, but it has to [00:15:00] resonate. I fully understand what you’re saying.

Lesson 3: Travel

Siebe Vanderzee: if I’m looking at lesson number three, your lesson is travel. I’ve had several guests that say travel. What are your thoughts behind travel? And if I can ask, what part of the world have you visited?
traveling out there?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Yeah, absolutely. Well, for me, it feels like I’ve been on an airplane since I’ve been two years old, so, yeah.
in the past years, I’ve been to about 20 plus countries, in different continents. Ultimately, I just haven’t been to Australia or Antarctica at this.
We got to work on that. but overall, definitely hit many places. for me, going back to also the resident thing, every time I have traveled, I have learned many things from other people in my travels. And we discount the fact that they inform our perspective on life.
Siebe Vanderzee: And when you have [00:16:00] multitude of inputs in that lens that informs your life, something that has changed in me is that I have become more resilient and more open-minded, but more importantly, more compassionate, because I realize that there’s certain things in other countries that people don’t have access to.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Oh, yeah. Versus other countries. And so, I sometimes basically use that as a remembrance towards myself to be able to understand that aspect, that I’m pretty lucky and I should be continuing to do what I continue to do because I know in other places around the world that folks don’t have access to certain things.
And I think this becomes really important to be able to remind ourselves, in that way. And that actually becomes an intrinsic motivation tool for me to constantly [00:17:00] do and constantly be the type of person I want to be. more importantly, make sure that I share my gift with to the world. As a result, because other people have shared their gifts with me alongside my travels.
Siebe Vanderzee: A simple question perhaps. Is there a country where, not where you have lived yet, but you have visited that you say, that’s my favorite country. I want to go back to this country or that country.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: I really do believe Lima, Peru made a significant impact, on me when I was there. Whether that is because maybe culturally it felt similar to the Middle Eastern culture that I grew up in, or maybe because they have dry heat and we live in Phoenix.
I don’t know.
Siebe Vanderzee: Are we sure? Yeah. Are we lucky? Yeah.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: It felt like, it really felt like, I was in Phoenix with an ocean and between the foods and the dynamic city and the people that I connected [00:18:00] with over at that time. I would return a hundred percent any day.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. Interesting. and I’m also thinking what you mentioned as far as different cultures, different perhaps than the country where you were born.
Where I was born, a different culture. And at the same time, it seems to be part of human nature to put judgment on that behavior of that culture. And I don’t know if you have learned that lesson as I have. don’t judge. Because if you go to Peru, for example, I haven’t been there, yet, but allow yourself to understand and not going in a thing.
That’s weird because that’s human nature, right? Yeah. Very quickly to judge and say, look at what they’re eating. Look at how they’re driving. Look at how they’re dressed. Look at how they communicate. Yeah. And if you have the opportunity to be there for a while, you know what I mean? Of course. Then you start to understand and perhaps, wow, it’s different than the way I was raised, but I really like what they’re [00:19:00] doing in this country or in that country.
Yeah. and that’s that, that open mind, global perspective, right? That, I think people who have experience in traveling and visiting other countries over time, that becomes just natural to say, well, let’s hold off. Let’s not make a quick judgment here. yeah, I appreciate your lesson on, on traveling.
It makes sense. I recommend it to, everyone as well to have the opportunity to travel, to see, and again, don’t have to judge, just enjoy the experience. But lesson number four.

Lesson 4: Create something

Siebe Vanderzee: Create something. I like the something part, create something. What are your thoughts on that?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: I’m going to talk about my personal life for just a moment and then my professional life about that.
personally, I’m a natural born dancer. I’ve been shaking my booty and my pampers since I was two years old. So as far as, creating something, I’ve created a lot of, dance choreography, as a result of, naturally being really, having fun with the dancing [00:20:00] in different cultures, especially, middle Eastern culture, Latin American culture, all these different cultures that have different dances.
I. My mom actually, is a prolific acrylic painter. Oh. And her work has also had a significant impact on me because of her creative process and just looking and observing as an artist about how she comes up with what she comes up with. And the idea here has always been to just start maybe copying certain people and then being able to make it their your own.
Right. Because it takes some time to be able to find your personality yourself, whether it Oh, yeah. Through dancing or making art.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: as I continued on this particular pathway in my professional life, I also realized that in organizations, a lot of [00:21:00] us, have forgotten. The creative process in general about immersing ourselves into an idea, a thought of doing something differently, looking beyond the status quo and being able to say what could be right and not.
It’s always been like that. And part of my doctorate was, learning how to help people reinvigorate and their creative belief systems in themselves as adults. And we have, in my research, learned that by really providing workshops and different types of more experiential learning activities.
We can definitely get adults back into that creative mode to be able to feel comfortable with the creative process and think about things in different ways to give back to the organizations in their own way. when I [00:22:00] thought about creating something, it really was about reminding people again, that you can get back your belief system about being creative and you can go down the pathway of learning to create something once you feel comfortable again with the creative process in whatever stage in life you are in.
Young or old, doesn’t matter. And using that because from what I’ve seen in my life, whether it’s dancing or writing, or just observing other people’s artistic, endeavors, is that. It reshapes my perspective, and also it has a lot of health perspectives about engaging and getting lost in another work dimension, another world in your mind.
Oh, yeah. And being able to let go of all the negativity that may be surrounding you. And so why not?
Siebe Vanderzee: yeah. No, it’s a good point. I’m thinking while you’re explaining that [00:23:00] I completely agree with what you’re saying, but I also think there are so many people that are under pressure, under duress, in whatever situation, right.
it may be managing a family with kids, taking them to school, going to your job, picking them up, et cetera, and is, you know, when you talk about creating something and having a peaceful moment in your own brain to say, what do I want to create?
Right? For many people, perhaps they don’t have that opportunity or not.
Maybe I see it wrong.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: you know, definitely everyone has different lives. the simplest way to be able to kind of get started is through journaling. The brain and the subconscious brain is constantly working whether, oh, yeah, you’re conscious about it or not. And so, going back to my mentor, early morning journaling and just writing your stream of consciousness really starts activating your brain to be [00:24:00] going into a concept called flow.
And that actually allows you to be able to start, it’s kind of like a primer. It’s like going to the gym, just to be able to get your brain to think about things a little bit differently because. You’re in, you’re writing down all these specific thoughts that you may have on different people, place or things, and then getting it out of your system, right?
creativity is energy. And what we’re trying to say here is allow that energy to express itself outside of your body. And if the simplest thing is to just write a couple sentences in the morning, so be it. And most people have that time. It’s just a matter of putting in the habit of having your journal or your notes section on your phone handy next to you.
And once you wake up, jotting down anything that’s coming into your mind at that [00:25:00] particular time to get into that creative mode.
Siebe Vanderzee: I like it. I wrote, made a note to myself. Creativity is energy.
Very interesting. I appreciate that.

Lesson 5: Enjoy the process without having the end in mind

Siebe Vanderzee: Lesson number five, enjoy the process without having the end in mind. I think I know what you’re talking about, but please explain.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: So, in my twenties and even up to my thirties, I have been a very driven and very ambitious young woman, and I realized though that I’ve always been focused on the end goal of the activities That I’ve been doing. Whether that was personal or professional.
Sometimes though intuitively I would feel like a voice would tell me, stop and smell the roses.
You’re going to get to your destination. But. Who did you talk to? What kind of enjoyment did you have while you have been through this particular journey of your in [00:26:00] life? You don’t want life to go by too fast. And so, I think the biggest epiphany moment I had, once I hit 40 last year, was that I definitely see the benefit of looking at the process of things now and understanding that I may have an end goal, but while you look at the process instead of the end goal, maybe the universe has a better end goal in mind for you.
is that possible for us to think or imagine? At the time.
Siebe Vanderzee: thinking of the term and enjoy because if you. Enjoy the process without knowing where you’re going. I think a lot of people would have some concern about it. Yeah, I’m doing fine. whatever it is I’m enjoying, but I don’t know where I’m going.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Right.
Siebe Vanderzee: And that’s a healthy element you think?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: I think it’s twofold, going back to my previous, conversations just about [00:27:00] understanding yourself and making sure that you understand what you truly enjoy and like. And then you are absolutely welcome to build any type of life design as a result.
However, I think as many humans have shared their stories is that they started in one place and they ended up at another place. They couldn’t even imagine. And I think that’s the part where what we do in the middle. And how we carry ourselves, how we connect with people, how we communicate, and feel and just enjoy the process makes all the difference.
Siebe Vanderzee: I don’t know if I say it correctly but finding peace in your mind. Finding peace, not, depending on the circumstances, but okay, it’s not going great, but at least I’m, I can create some level of comfort in my brain to say, okay, I know things will get better, in other words.
And, so that’s, very [00:28:00] helpful.

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Alright, moving on.

Lesson 6: Direction is more important than speed

Siebe Vanderzee: Lesson number six. Direction is more important than speed. I have been thinking about that, but please explain your thoughts.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: when I first started my first career, I in finance, I fell into it because a colleague of [00:29:00] mine referred me to.
This, particular type of industry. And over the years that I was there, I realized I didn’t like being in that particular industry. And one of my mentors at that time, advised me to really sit down and think about what else I could be interested in. And because I was going fast, I was going furious.
I was coded as a high potential employee. There was no reason for me to leave. But I did not enjoy my work and it, it was really important for me to realize that if I wanted to spend the rest of my years being in a job just for the sake of paycheck, well that’s not going to be enough.
It took a year and a half for me to be able to really reflect on the different types of things that I enjoy. And just write down a simple list and figure out, what other organization could help me get there? And [00:30:00] that specifically was the beginning of me understanding that if one doesn’t recalibrate their GPS systems, it’s so easy to blink and then 10 years can go by.
Oh yeah. And so that’s why my understanding is that sometimes, in my, life journey, taking a few steps back is not a bad thing. And really understanding that, do I really want to continue going down that direction? Is really what I want or not is not a bad thing. And the sooner you do it, the better.
Right. And for me, pivoting into an industry that allows me, I ended up in higher education because I really wanted to understand more about leadership development and human development in general was the best thing for me at that, particular timeframe because it connected a lot of the different bullet points that I had [00:31:00] come up with in my life design and the new direction that I wanted to go with.
I was able to travel to multiple countries through my university. I was able to understand. All the different kind of academic disciplines that I wanted to learn. And more importantly, I was able to learn a lot about myself and how I impact people through my natural gifts. And so, it was definitely a win-win, but it wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t pause, if I didn’t think about the different things that really would have brought me joy.
And so, the speed part is that yes, once you recalibrate and once you figure out your new direction, go for it. you can go as fast of a speed as you want, however, it, you also have to think about this. One concept that could be a little mini lesson within a lesson is that, if you want to do go fast, right?
That African expression or [00:32:00] proverb, you can go alone. Yeah. But if you really want to, move and with each other, then you have to be considerate of maybe slowing down just a little bit, and to be able to enjoy the people that are helping you on your journey that have helped you become successful.
Nobody becomes successful by themselves.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. Well, I see also for quite a few people as a recruiter, corporate recruiter, that. Sometimes people don’t have a choice. They get fired in the job that they really enjoy and well go do something else. Yeah. Well, this is what I want to do. This is my, my, you know, my desire to work with this company and they fired me.
How do you then adjust and say, yeah, I know the reality is you’ll find something else, and it may not happen within 24 hours, but that, I made a note on this lesson, you know, direction is more important [00:33:00] than speed, especially if you’re going in the wrong direction right then, and you explain that.
But at the same time, if you are doing well and things are going well, and suddenly there is a change for whatever reason, doesn’t mean you have to get fired, but there could be other issues. How to reposition yourself and maybe go in a very different direction.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Have such a beautiful, phrase for that.
Rejection is redirection.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: It’s very simple. We have to understand the defined dance that humans have with the universe is that when one door closes, it was to your benefit. When one door doesn’t open, it is to your benefit. And so, once you understand that simple concept and you understand that when the other doors that actually open and you are able to pass through them, they were for your benefit as well.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. However, I think when people go through that, it’s hard. Definitely.
And [00:34:00] so it’s difficult at that moment for many people to make that change in their brain and said, no worry, no, I’m very worried. I no longer receive an income. How am I going to pay the bills? those situations. that’s something that can happen anywhere around the world.
I also agree with. putting your thoughts, your brain again on track and say, look, don’t be distracted by negative thinking, for example. that’s an exercise as well that can be very helpful, for people. So, good message.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: do you want to hear My pie theory?
Siebe Vanderzee: yes, please. Pie theory, please.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: I call it the cherry pie theory. so, growing up, one of the lessons that I feel like society teaches us
One of the incorrect lessons that society teaches us is thinking that there is one apple pie and everybody’s competing the slices of the one apple pie.
And then the moment I [00:35:00] realized. I don’t like apple pie. I like cherry pie. And I would like to take a slice of that. And if that doesn’t exist, I will create that space for myself. Right,
Siebe Vanderzee: absolutely.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: And a lot of people get stuck thinking that the only way to succeed in this world is to be able to compete for a similar apple pie slice.
Yeah. But that’s not the case. And this is where it’s the difference between scarcity mindset and abundance mindset. And if you really, truly believe that there’s going to be another opportunity for you out there, the only thing that you have to do is just start knocking on doors again.
Siebe Vanderzee: And it I agree.
And it makes it so important to have an open mind.
Yeah.
Right. Because we get used to the way we do things and how we go through life, how we communicate, and sometimes because of. A big change in your lifestyle. And it could be, again, related to the job that you have the ability [00:36:00] to make the adjustments and use your brain muscle to say, hey, I got to figure out I’ve gone through it.
You’ve gone through it. Other people have gone through it. And those are, I think, very valuable lessons that, sometimes, you know, reality changes and well, guess what? You have to make adjustments. That’s just the way it is.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: And it’s all for the, your betterment.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. Yeah.

Lesson 7: Prefer community building over competition

Siebe Vanderzee: Lesson number seven, prefer community building over competition.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Yeah. So, that’s a big, big lesson.
Siebe Vanderzee: It is.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Now, it reminds me of what you said, about the fact that in different stages of our lives, right, we have certain understandings of ourselves. Of our society, of the people around us. And I feel like, especially as, an early adult, we want to prove to the world that we can be awesome.
Right. And that can make us competitive. I know, definitely I was in that [00:37:00] bucket. most people who were around me at that time knew that Sogol was super competitive and she wanted to be able to prove that she knows a lot, and to be able to showcase it.
the point is, is that we want to figure out our identity, right? have this process in our human development that we’re just trying to understand who we are and what we’re capable of. And that’s a beautiful thing.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Now, over time though, once we.
Put in our 10,000 hours of practice and whatever we’re focusing on and understanding that we really didn’t do it alone. We had recruited mentors and teachers and friends and family to be able to help us continue down this particular journey that we’ve been practicing and different personal and professional activities that we’ve been doing, and.
Really just stopping to be able to appreciate them, thank them and help them, understand that they were a part of our process. Yeah. Is very important. [00:38:00] And nowadays, the science of gratitude has helped us understand that when you are constantly in gratitude mode, with the people that are around you and yourself, you are always vibrating at a higher level energy.
And you would be attracting definitely bigger and better things for yourself as a result of having that type of mindset, in your life as opposed to take, take, take, take, take. And so that has been such a big conclusion for me is that, when I encounter someone, I really try to ask, what type of opportunity that we have to impact each other positively and to remind myself to thank them because again.
what are we 8 billion people in this world? And yes, you became a part of my reality and amongst the few hundreds of people that I’m going to encounter and part of my life right now, I’m just going to thank you for giving me this opportunity just to be able to [00:39:00] have a little platform to speak my truth and maybe just to impact a few people around the world.
But that matters. And I want people to understand that we can use different platforms from social media to, group text messages, just to be able to constantly be in that gratitude mode. And that power has a domino effect towards the community that we are going to be living in. And I promise you; people are going to resonate with you and people are going to help you even more, and you’re not going to feel alone in this world.
Siebe Vanderzee: and in that sense, community. If I’m, if I understand you correctly, those are people who are around you close to you,
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: they could be random strangers that are referred to you through your other people that all of a sudden come to your aid.
Siebe Vanderzee: Right. But it’s still as an individual connecting to that individual, even if that person was not part of your circle before, but you’re not talking [00:40:00] about a whole nation, for example, as a community.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Well, it depends on how stretch of an imagination that you have based on what you’re trying to accomplish, right? So, if you’re doing something that obviously impacts a nation, having that more collaborative community-based mindset is also, in similarly terms,
Siebe Vanderzee: I, I’m, I’m thinking in a way of, situations whether a country is at war or where there may be, Within the society, different perspectives when it comes to race, gender, so the community in that sense looks different than when you are in a country where we are supposed to be all equal. Yeah. Do you see what I mean?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Maybe from my perspective and what I understand from that is that we live in a world where perhaps the cancel culture has been, resonating with a lot of people.
But the reality is [00:41:00] that we have to be careful who we cancel. because sometimes what we don’t even know it, we become the person we cancel. And that’s why it’s so important to be open-minded to other people’s thoughts, beliefs, and activities.
Siebe Vanderzee: thinking, I’m thinking of, for example, the business community where over time it has become, I want to say acceptable Yeah.
For people not to respond to an email, not to respond to a, yeah. A voicemail or a phone call. That’s okay. in certain countries, not every country, I’m sure, but okay. we get used to it and I send an email, then I get a reply. Oh, well, but that’s not really the sense of a community that says, hey, I know who you are, and I sent you an email, and what are your thoughts?
Yeah. Maybe I’m wrong on that one.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Well, I mean, it’s all different perspectives. Yeah. I, and I see your perspective about pinpointing organizational cultural differences within different countries can [00:42:00] impact. the community of that business for sure. A hundred percent. research definitely is moving towards the idea that compassionate leadership is going to really impact, both the wellbeing of employees and profit.
Yeah.
and so that’s something I encourage our leaders to take a look into because profit and compassion don’t cancel each other out.
Siebe Vanderzee: let’s move on to lesson number eight.

Lesson 8: Set boundaries with kindness

Siebe Vanderzee: Set boundaries with kindness.
it flows well with your previous lessons. I like that.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: This is definitely, going back to, a personal vulnerability that I’m sharing with you today is just the realization that over time I realized, that I have been a big people pleaser in my life.
And I have accommodated many types of people to make sure they feel comfortable, and their comfort is prioritized over my comfort.
And then [00:43:00] it really got to a point where I had to just have,
Siebe Vanderzee: mm-hmm.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Some recognition to say that is this really what is beneficial to you Sogol? in the long run, if you’re going to prioritize other people constantly, and the answer was no, it’s not beneficial because now there’s mental health ramifications, there’s physical and emotional ramifications that I had to start dealing with as, especially as we grow older.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: And that was not acceptable anymore. However, going back to understanding the concept of, how do you backtrack, how do you get out of your people pleasing mode and to be able to respect yourself, conduct more self-care, and be able to understand a little bit more about what you appreciate and what you want to prioritize in your life,
So, it’s taken a little bit of time. Through the power of journaling, through the power of [00:44:00] just understanding what is important to me. Slowly starting to say no more than yes. We go from one spectrum of saying yes constantly. Yeah. To constantly saying no, but that’s okay because you’re trying to find your balance in the long run when you’re trying to set boundaries with yourself and other people.
So, I feel like I swung the pendulum to saying no a lot, but then slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, you get to a point where you become diplomatic now with your boundary setting and being able to just tell people like, no, I appreciate it. Thank you for this, but I really can’t do this anymore right now.
And using more I statements instead of you statements to be able to express that concern that you may have regarding that particular request.
Siebe Vanderzee: And you feel comfortable with that saying No.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: I will say that new newly survived people pleasers go through a guilty phase. [00:45:00] And because I was going to say they want to say yes again, but they’re guilty about it.
So that guilty phase is normal. However, slowly, slowly, slowly, once you become a little bit more comfortable with saying no, with, a good explanation or just no, and a smile, your body starts getting used to not feeling guilty anymore. At least through my experience, this has resonated.
Siebe Vanderzee: I may use that lesson, myself. I appreciate that.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Yeah. It’s hard, it’s not easy, but I feel like it’s so critical because you want to do so much in this world for, others, but if we are not taking care of ourselves.
Siebe Vanderzee: Of course. No, you’re right. and I understand what you’re saying, and at the same time, if I think about my own brain, yeah, I like to help people.
I have to admit, but sometimes you don’t have the time, the ability to do that. And you have to be realistic and don’t feel guilty because you’re trying, you’re doing [00:46:00] it. so, it’s a good lesson for sure. let’s move to lesson number nine.

Lesson 9: Reprogram your subconscious to prevent fight or flight responses

Siebe Vanderzee: Reprogram your subconscious to prevent fight or flight responses.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Yes, absolutely. so at the coaching company, the Jasmine Circle, that I co-founded last year in 2024, I had a wonderful experience, being trained, by Dr. Amy Rosner, who has an expertise in hypnotherapy and neuroscience, and she’s the one who specifically gave me the toolkit to be able to understand the power of our brain and the ability for us to be able to understand how malleable it is to be able to be rewired, but more importantly, how much that we operate in our lives based on the default mode of our subconscious.
And it turned out that’s a pretty scary feeling because sometimes we’re really not cautious about the decisions that we make. And [00:47:00] it’s based on childlike inefficiencies from years ago that we never revisited. And so, once I became aware of this particular dilemma that some of us have, you realize that some of us are really living in the past and we are not upgraded yet.
We haven’t brought our version to the 21st century. We haven’t brought the Sogol who was 21 years old and was dealing with some other emotions into, the current mode that she’s in. And she basically doesn’t feel those emotions anymore, but her brain does think like that.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Right. And so that’s why I realized that when you are using visualization techniques to rewire your brain, you actually give yourself the ability to tell your subconscious, there’s another way.
I don’t feel like that anymore. I don’t want to feel like that anymore. Let me be able to come into my new world, my [00:48:00] new life, without having to feel triggered or constantly in a fight or flight response mode anymore, right?
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah,
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: that is possible. And so that specifically has personally changed my life for the better.
And, you know, my clients’ lives, it’s just been so transformative to be able to let go. So could be about phobia, their ability not to hang out or connect with their bosses, or, you know, their parents or spouses, whatever it is. There’s another way and your brain can actually take a synapsis and reconnect it to another synapsis to help you calm down your nervous system.
And in this overstimulated world, that’s a must have. Yeah. Nowadays.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah. No, very useful, very good advice. I’m looking at lesson number 10.

Lesson 10: Know that the highest level of enlightenment is self-compassion

Siebe Vanderzee: Can you believe we’re already at lesson number 10 Yeah. Know that the highest level of enlightenment is self-compassion. Well, you’ve been talking about that. Yeah.
Self-compassion, [00:49:00] right?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Yeah, definitely. it’s just a beautiful summary of what we’ve been talking about.
I just have realized over the years, I’ve been very hard on myself and that harshness towards myself was reflected back on sometimes on other people and, different places and different scenarios.
And I didn’t like that version of myself. I didn’t, know what to do about it until I started seeking out different types of help, right? To be able to say like, how can I really engage in self-love? How can I love myself again? and then be able to resonate and reflect that love in order to do that with other people.
And so, it’s not an overnight journey, it really is about, look, you have to look at your ugly side of yourself and you have to think about why you do the things that you do that can potentially hurt other people. And that’s a very hard pill to swallow. But it is so [00:50:00] essential because once you become best friends with both your light side and your shadow side, that’s when you have actually the ability to be able to control that dark side and be able to say that, hey, you don’t have any room here. I would prefer to be kind than to be right and be able to understand that kindness goes a longer way and as far as the impact you want to make in this life with other people. And that’s just a life’s lesson that has constantly informed me with the people that have been around me.
And if you’re hearing this podcast, thank you and I apologize. you have made me a better person as a result of it. And if I have hurt your feelings, I really do apologize because that was never the intention, but it realized that because I was not kind to myself, I was not kind to you.
Siebe Vanderzee: So, let me ask you, do you feel that [00:51:00] you are at a point where you have arrived when it comes to self-compassion?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: You know, I definitely say. 80%.
Siebe Vanderzee: How do you measure that? 80%?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: For me, it’s about how people react to me now. That’s how I’m measuring it, how I resonate, how people are now reacting to me. But more importantly, how I feel about the conscious decisions that I make when I am interacting with people.
I am now more in control of the understanding, the impact. So how do I do that? I ask myself two questions. One, especially sometimes when people know you, are they worth my cortisol? And usually, the answer is no. And another question that I ask myself is that. Is this a battle that you want to take on right now?
Or is this another better time that you can talk it out with another [00:52:00] person at, at a later time? Because I really believe in the ability of listening for the sake of understanding, pausing, and being able to hold that reaction and then be able to figure out that, is this just the best time to react right now?
If yes, then do it calmly, do it kindly. And you can do that through the power of pausing. But if it’s not the right time, just let them know to say, I really want to specifically get back to you, but let’s do it at another time when I’m going to be calmer.
Siebe Vanderzee: But I have to ask you this question because we can easily talk about what happened yesterday, but what’s going to happen tomorrow?
We don’t know. I’m sure about that. Yeah. when I think of my lifetime and perhaps if I think of your lifetime Wow. Things you have endured, learned, adjusted, and feels comfortable. I don’t want to be a negative, speaker here, but things can happen [00:53:00] as has happened before. Yeah. And the impact could affect all of us in our community.
So yeah, I feel comfortable to a great extent, but with that, I have that one little compartment in my brain that says it may all change and I don’t know what, and I don’t know when and how, but if I don’t have that option available, how can it happen that everything I thought I was doing right suddenly is ruined?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Yeah. What you’re saying is valid. You know, there’s different types of experiences that we’re specifically going through and, self-forgiveness is part of this particular journey that can make it very hard. Yeah.
and, forgiving others, perhaps that’s why it’s important to think about what are some ways, right, that you can get to there?
For me, it has helped to [00:54:00] look into different types of spiritual prayers and practices. It’s helped for me to be able to get inspired through different quotes and my readings, for myself, meditation, just being able to talk with a loved one to eventually get to a point of. Forgiving myself first and then being able to, yeah.
Understand that by forgiving someone else, you are helping yourself.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: And everyone though has to get there on their own time. You can’t push it on other people. And all you can do is say, I apologize, I’m sorry if I hurt you, or, whatever the scenario that may be. and move on.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: And hope that person is going to arrive to that same conclusion one day.
Siebe Vanderzee: I really appreciate your thoughts and your lessons. very helpful. I want to throw in one more question. is [00:55:00] there perhaps a lesson that you have unlearned in your life or in your career?
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: Yeah, definitely. for me, really, it’s just, just trying to understand a little bit more about the idea that speaking harshly, towards other people doesn’t produce any dividends.
It doesn’t. Yeah. And if I could take back the times that I’ve spoken harshly in my personal and professional life, I would, because I realized it didn’t really make an impact other than making someone sad or mad. And so, yeah, I have worked hard
Yeah.
To unlearn that aspect because it’s a type of frequency or energy that you throw out.
And it never ever has served me in any part of my life.
Siebe Vanderzee: Yeah, no, understand [00:56:00] what you’re saying. I can always think of what about this, what about that? Right. Because if I think of family situation, let’s say you’re dealing with children and they have to get their, can I say act together? And as a parent, you have to be strict.
You have to be clear and don’t do this, don’t do this. I told you to do that. So, you have to be firm. And it could be not just with a family situation; it could even be in a business situation without being rude and crude. don’t believe in any of that, but to be clear, direct and firm, even if that person is saying, that’s not nice.
what he’s telling me now, is that something that you stay away from that. That’s not the way to communicate with people.
Dr. Sogol Homayoun: I know people have different cultures, right? We all know that. You know, sometimes it’s hard to say, don’t be yourself. I would definitely say it would be hard, but all I would do is say, if you want to communicate your message, check in with that person afterwards because you want to see how that [00:57:00] message made them feel.
And then you will realize then, if you need to pivot.
Siebe Vanderzee: That’s a great point. you’re absolutely right. I fully agree. It’s one thing to be firm and direct and give people whatever orders, even if they don’t like it. But the follow up, like you said, that I think is brilliant because that feel makes people feel more comfortable and respected and respect in communication, of course is critically important because we can all argue with one another.
but that’s not going to solve anything we have to find. Whatever common ground, understanding compassion. You said it well.
Well, I want to thank you again for joining us today and for sharing your lessons of wisdom with our global audience. It’s truly much appreciated. In closing, I want to make a few remarks.
You have been listening to our international program, 10 Lessons Learned. This episode is produced by Robert Hossary, and as always, we are supported by the Professional Development Forum. I [00:58:00] also want to give my special thanks to our amazing team, Yi Wang, who manages our marketing and social media. Codie Comeau, our episode editor.
Our guest today is Dr. Sogol Homayoun, a global leadership development expert, supporting clients in transforming their thoughts and emotions into powerful professional growth. Sharing her 10 lessons learned, and to our audience. Don’t forget to subscribe so that you never miss a lesson that could change your life and perhaps your career.
Thank you for tuning into 10 lessons Learned where we’re making the world a little wiser. One lesson at the time. Thank you and stay safe.

Thanks to our 10 Lessons team that make our show possible: Our Episode Editor Codie Comeau, Marketing and social media managed by Yi Wang, and our Producer Robert Hossary. Sponsored as always by Professional Development Forum. You can find the www.professionaldevelopmentforum.org.

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