Leadership – Sogol Homayoun

Diana White: Hello and welcome to a special segment of 10 lessons Learned on Leadership.
My name is Diana White, and I’m your host for this episode. Over the years, I’ve cultivated my leadership style. And I’ve wondered how others approach their leadership journeys and what we can learn from them. This is a 10 segment series, but your feedback is critical in determining if this should be a part of our 10 lessons learned offerings.
So please engage and comment. We want to hear from you.
Our guest today was recently interviewed on the 10 Lessons Learned [00:01:00] Show by Siebe Vanderzee. Dr Sogol Homayoun is passionate about helping highly sensitive leaders or HSLS lean into their superpowers of empathy and compassion to become the best leaders.
Please join us for a lively conversation about the challenges and benefits faced by empathic leaders. Welcome, Sogol. Tell us a little bit about your background and how you started on this journey.
Sogol Homayoun: Thank you so much, Diana, for having me today. as you mentioned, I am focusing on highly sensitive leadership, which is a fairly new concept, in the world of leadership. it stems from, psychotherapy, and a lot of research, in psychology back in the 1990s, where Dr. Elaine Aaron. did a lot of research regarding people who had, sensitive nervous systems, learning through her research, and [00:02:00] interviewing her clients as well as doing MRI scans, we’re different people and understanding that even twins will not come out, the same, in their MRI scans and some folks.
we’re definitely just more sensitive and have more activity in their brain when exposed to, external elements, and, then internal elements that we’ll get into. this has sprung, a huge, new conversation. About how leaders are able to manage stress, manage themselves, now in the workplace.
And this is, a buzz that I want to be part of and I want to educate a lot of people.
Diana White: I love that. And. From what I gathered from our conversations there are a lot of different components to, what impacts and affects HSLS

Lesson 1: Environmental Sensitivity

Diana White: and the first one is environmental sensitivity. So, talk to me a little bit about that.
Sogol Homayoun: [00:03:00] Absolutely. So, in general, Sensitive leaders, fall into a spectrum, if you will. So, you, may be, highly sensitive, but you also may be just sensitive, And the idea is the environment in which you grew up in and now are working in is going to play a factor in helping you regulate or not regulate your nervous system.
So, the downside of environmental sensitivity for highly sensitive leaders, could be something, like crowd noise or li lights, bright lights, chaotic environments, can quickly, make them feel very overwhelmed. on another side, highly sensitive leaders can be sensitive to small changes in tone.
Body language and the atmosphere immediately noticed and deeply felt. So, reading between the lines, definitely falls into that [00:04:00] category. the positive aspect of that, is that the leaders are really picking up on details, nuances, and patterns. Other people are missing in conversations, in data analysis, in so many different.
environmental, situations that they’re getting into. On the other hand, they’re thinking things through very thoroughly leading to wise and thoughtful decisions rather than just quick, let’s just get it done, type of situations. Finally, everyone always talks about that intuition or maybe gut.
highly sensitive leaders have a strong gut sense about people, environments, and situations. if they don’t listen to it, usually it backfires on them. But if they do listen to it, it definitely points them to the right direction of what to be careful with and what opportunities to seize.
Diana White: Viewers and listeners, if you [00:05:00] haven’t guessed by now, I’m an HSL. I’m a highly sensitive leader. I’m a servant leader and for many years until I understood. What a superpower I had. I thought it was a deficit. I thought it was a deterrent, for me being a good leader, that I was sensitive, that I read into things and I would listen to my direct reports and I would hear what wasn’t said, and I would want them to open up a little bit more so that I could help them as best I could.
it can backfire on me a little bit Because I’m a woman, then I get the mother complex label that people think I’m trying to mother them. But that’s not what this is about at all. It’s me trying to really hear them and what they’re trying to say. but it can be daunting.
It really can be daunting. That stimulus that you talked about, especially the environmental stimulus. I’ll give you an example. when I need to have very pointed conversations with team members. I can’t have a lot of noise. [00:06:00] I can’t do it in a crowded coffee shop. I can’t do it in a crowded restaurant.
I, I need focus, I need quiet and focus so that I can hear them and read the body language and focus on who they are and so that I know that they’re also focusing. and I don’t know how many people take for granted that noise can be a deterrent, everything you’re going to say today is going to validate who I am, Sogol.
And I thank you so much and I think you’re going to validate a whole bunch of other leaders listening to this show today. thank you for coming and saying the thing that a lot of people are scared to say because. They might think it makes them look weak and it’s not weakness.
As a matter of fact, empathic leaders are some of the strongest leaders I know. because they have to carry all the weight of what they know might be. And still smile and get everybody through it.

Lesson 2: Emotional Challenges

Diana White: Talk to me about emotional challenges, because that’s a good segue into this.
Sogol Homayoun: Absolutely. So as an HSL myself, absorbing [00:07:00] other people’s emotions was just a common factor both in my childhood and in my adulthood, to the point where I was picking up on carrying other people’s emotional states and not knowing that it was theirs and not mine.
speaking of empathy, feeling too much compassion for someone and having that compassion fatigue led to a lot of emotional burnout from constantly giving or feeling too much because I thought this was a normal way of being. And finally receiving criticism or constructive feedback as we call an organizationals development right now.
Getting that negative feedback, rejection, harsh words, would put me into a frenzy because what does that mean? You know, I’ve thought about all the angles. Why would you say something is wrong? Or, oh my goodness, I’m not perfect, you know, or something in, you know, in that line, especially from non HSLS, right?
There were, [00:08:00] they may be a bit more direct, in how they deliver the information. So Definitely these are some initial challenges when HSLS are not aware, of this particular, emotional intelligence that they need to have, when it comes to, handling those challenges. And so, on the flip side over time when you learn more about yourself and have a better understanding of being able to not only connect deeply and compassionately between each other, make sure that you understand that sometimes it’s not you, right? It’s their energy that’s being transferred onto and you’re picking it up and there’s now tools and techniques for us to be able to discern.
Between those two, so we know for a fact that this is us coming to the table and not them. if they are projecting how mindful we can be to be able to understand, their positioning right, and produce [00:09:00] enough compassion and empathy for them without absorbing the emotions and making them feel unheard and understood.
Like you mentioned. And then finally, naturally inclining to seek harmony, but preventing unnecessary discord and burnout for ourselves, right? Because we want to harmonize the environment as a natural instinct of ours. But we also need to understand that we need to pick our battles,
we can’t harmonize every single situation that comes our way. we need to give other people a chance to step up or give, ourselves a break before we tackle a situation again, if it just comes our way constantly, that’s when burnout happens, and that’s when we fall sick.
And that’s not good for us.
Diana White: Ugh. Absolutely right. one of the things I try to get across to people that work with me, especially people who lead me, because even [00:10:00] leaders, have leaders, everyone is, that as an HSL, I am super self-aware and self-critical. And so, and, and I, as you mentioned, also human.
So, when I make a mistake, I know it. I know it before just about anybody else does. by the time you take me to task for it, I’ve already beaten myself up billion times more than you ever could. Right. And so, I think that’s another thing too for HSLS who have leadership that, that maybe aren’t tapped into that that empathetic piece that.
As an HSL, you have to protect your sanity and you have to protect your, nervous system. You know, something has happened. You have already beaten yourself up about it. You’ve probably already have several different solutions in your head [00:11:00] as, as we all tend to do. And so, when the leaders come and now it’s time to be held accountable, understand that that’s a part of the process.
don’t be a punching bag. we’re all humans and we all deserve the same amount of respect, but at the same time, do not hold onto it and take it personally. You’ve already done enough psychological damage to yourself. If you’re anything like me, you’ve already done enough.
And also, on the converse of that, lately, I have noticed that. Urgency is in every organization; there’s always a fire to put out. And while I take it seriously, I have become more and more aware the older I get of what having that fight or flight sensation does to your nervous system because your brain does not know a real threat from an imaginary threat, and when you work yourself up so bad over a project or a deadline or a boss to the point where you’ve ignited your fight or flight response, [00:12:00] you’re literally putting your body in a situation where it thinks it’s in physical danger and it is not.
None of this is life threatening, right? And so, creating that nervous system response is extremely unhealthy. And something that HSLS, unfortunately don’t really get control of because it runs away from us from time to time.

Lesson 3: Mental Inner World and Overthinking

Diana White: And so that segues into the next one, which is the mental inner world. Talk to me about that and is there hope for us, doctor?
Sogol Homayoun: Yeah, absolutely. our mental world is all about overthinking, right? We have a tendency to replay conversations, anticipate problems, and spiral into analysis or sometimes analysis paralysis. perfectionism, is a big issue for us setting, impossible, high standards and feeling crushed by [00:13:00] failure.
finally, decision fatigue struggles with making decisions due to processing so many angles and outcomes And that can be debilitating if you’re in a fast paced, high energy type of environment where so many actions need to be taking place.
And you have to think critically in those particular situations. this is really, potentially turning into us having a rich imagination, To be able to understand a lot more about ourselves and the people around us through. Problem solving and innovating in different directions because the more we are thinking about a concepts, the better we can come up with an alternative solution.
potentially in that respect, visionary thinking comes out of these types of, better practices once we harness this particular strength of ours, to see the connections and possibilities beyond the obvious that [00:14:00] other people cannot see. And then emotional depth and expression.
A lot of us. Need an outlet to communicate information some of us, in the HSL world can go through art music, in my case, writing, storytelling to really resonate with others profoundly, right? So, it really is about. Really understanding this particular gift that we have and then knowing when to be able to flip it towards the positive given the situation.
Instead of putting ourselves down or thinking, you know, this is too much or too, you know, too much of this, or we’re too much for that. Right. And really that adoption of mindset is going to be critical for us because we can just reroute pretty quickly rather than stay stagnant,
And I recently learned, A different, definition, [00:15:00] of the whole concept of fear responses, which, I think that is interesting for, for many people, but it’s actually flight fight response. But we also have two other concepts, which is freeze and fawn.
Yes. Have you heard of the word fawn? Yes.
Diana White: Yes. many people don’t know. But Doctor, please let us know what this is. it’s an amazing, insight when you fully understand all four.
Sogol Homayoun: It is because, you know, a lot of people are just familiar with fight or flight, right?
When you’re. Upset you fight or you may, you know, want to escape. Right. Run away. So, you can avoid type of things, but some folks actually may just not do anything. And that’s the freeze, right? That we’re freezing in place, and we don’t want to take any action. But the new, word that really has resonated with me, which goes back to our sense of perfectionism, is the word fawn.
We are [00:16:00] constantly appealing to our aggressor. To be able to calm them down or create some sort of submissive behavior so that we can contain and harmonize the situation. I can think of many examples in my life that I’ve constantly
Diana White: Oh yeah.
Sogol Homayoun: Just to be able to like, as a means to regulate myself, by regulating them as much as possible.
just rolling. back into, a calmer state in many situations. And I think that just takes so much time, so much energy, right? But in negotiations, that’s a skill to be able to constantly harmonize people towards the right direction.

Lesson 4: Understanding Fear Responses – Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn

Diana White: I agree. and it’s funny because I learned about, and I teach this to people all the time that we talk about fight or flight.
That’s all we ever talk about. But freeze is always there. It may happen for a millisecond, [00:17:00] but in order for you to even figure out if you’re going to fight or flee, you have to stop for a moment, for a millisecond, to think about it. So, freeze is always there. Fawn is an option, right?
growing up in New York, I feel like I was almost the antithesis of the fawn. I purposely would be an aggressor or an agitator because I didn’t want to acquiesce to someone else. I didn’t want to capitulate, I wanted to win, and so I was constantly battling, constantly arguing, constantly trying to one up
That’s exhausting as well. So, what is the happy medium between knowing when you have to compromise to get to where you need to go, and knowing when you need to stand your ground? Because this is something you really believe in strongly.
Sogol Homayoun: That’s such an excellent question, and I think that goes back to the art of HSL, right?
We have the [00:18:00] science of it that we’re talking about, but now we’re talking about the arts of being a highly sensitive leader. from my experience and my information there’s a beautiful expression that I grew up with that finally dawned on me when I was. an adult, and that comes from a Persian expression that says that the best response to ignorant people is silence.
Because from a physics lens, if you think about it, right? Let’s say, Diana, you are 320 hertz, and that’s your wavelength. I am 480 hertz, and that’s my wavelength, and I am trying my best to be able to convey my information to you on a completely different wavelength.
Are you going to hear it?
Diana White: Absolutely not.
Sogol Homayoun: So, we are just going to cross over each other [00:19:00] constantly until we wear each other down. Or agree to disagree, right? And that is something that a lot of people actually don’t pay attention to when they’re talking to someone. maybe once or twice you have a conversation, you’re going back and forth.
It’s so obvious that you’re not connecting. that’s where you want to just pause and be like, either we should take this offline, we should maybe resume this conversation another day. Perhaps they’re on a different wavelength because they’re tired, they’re stressed out for another reason.
So many Reasons why we are not on the same wavelength right now. Right? You have already spoken to this person before about this topic. This is maybe the number 10, time that you’ve talked about this person. And then you slowly start thinking why am I continuing to talk, in this fashion when I may not be the right person to convey the information?
Right. And that’s [00:20:00] why I wholeheartedly believe in allyship and organizations to figure out if you brought in another person. That would say the same thing, and they would be able to listen to it because that person is on the same wavelength and nine out of 10 times, Diana, it always worked.
Diana White: Yeah,
Sogol Homayoun: it always worked and so that’s why I was able to figure out how to be able to get around this it doesn’t have to come from me, but the message does have to be delivered. Right, right. Well, let’s go ahead and figure out if I can find someone in your wavelength and we’re good to go.

Lesson 5: The Art of Wavelength Communication

Diana White: I wish we had wavelength credits.
Yes. if you and I were having a conversation and I’m like, I don’t think we’re on the same wavelength. I’ve got 18 wavelength credits. How many do you have? I’ve got 10. Well, I’ll give you some of mine so that we can meet in the middle. Let’s do it. Right. I would love that too.
but you know, I think it fundamentally. boils [00:21:00] down to the human condition of not wanting to be wrong, to want to be right, not wanting to have egg on your face. Right. And I think a lot of that gets in the way of, really, really good leadership. even with some of us HSLS because.
we spend a lot of time self-criticizing; we don’t want to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. God forbid we don’t want to offend or hurt somebody because that is not what we want. a lot of the times we are. Overlooked or not, taken as seriously, not the first person to be thought of.
When it’s time to say, okay, we need somebody strong in this role, which is so horrible because we are some of the strongest leaders you’ll ever meet, we shoulder a lot and still try to make sense of it all and get everybody on the same page. not a lot of people want to commit to doing that.
in terms of having the strength, HSLS have it hands down.
Sogol Homayoun: You know when [00:22:00] it comes to growth, right? If you are in a growth sector in any type of industry right now, you definitely want to be checking out your HSLS because those are the folks who people will follow.
Especially nowadays and especially Gen Z generation, when you are trying to get a whole lot of young people to follow a specific concept, find that HSL, because that ability to. Think about, oh, this leader actually cares about me. This leader actually cares about my professional development. They care about my growth.
To be able to do that, that magnetic, authentic way of communicating with people is a natural. Sixth, seventh, eighth sense, whatever you want to call it, for HSLS to be able to showcase that and be able to get people to really join in on whatever project that you are trying to grow. to understand that dynamic and really [00:23:00] appreciate, that person from an HSL standpoint, that team will definitely follow along and you will get to your goal.
Now, of course, on the flip side. Don’t put an HSL when you’re mass firing people, that is not the right person to be able to, no,
Diana White: you’re traumatizing a whole bunch of people, including the HSL.
Sogol Homayoun: that is not the right person. There’s always a yin to a yang in these types of situations, and you really do want the opportunity to be a leader that is okay with saying, at least so sorry, you got to go.
And not have to feel hurt every single dinner about letting someone go.

Lesson 6: Learning to Let Go Without Taking It Personally

Diana White: yeah. You know, it’s funny, probably, because my background is hr, I don’t have a problem with it anymore, but I remember, that I’ll share this with the world because this is going to be broadcasted everywhere.
I worked retail for 30 years and the very first [00:24:00] time I had to let somebody go, I had to terminate someone. I was young. in my early twenties. it was the most horrendous experience I ever had. I botched it up so bad that the person I was letting go had to get me tissue and ask if I was okay
like a baby without a bottle. And when it was done, I remember going to my boss, who was the best mentor I ever had in my life. Jocelyn Ford, Jocelyn Fishburne Ford. If you are listening, I will always love you. You were amazing to me, but man, did she rip me a new one. I’ll never forget it, she said.
What were you doing? And I said, well, you told me to let him go. I had to let him go. And she says, let me tell you something right now, if you are going to survive in this career, you have to remember you do not fire people. If you’re a [00:25:00] good leader and you do what needs to be done, and you give them all the tools and the resources that they need, if you have to sit across from them at the table, understand that they fired themselves.
You gave them everything they needed, and if they didn’t step up to the plate, they fired themselves. I never, ever want to see you shed another tear because if you did your job right, they lost their own job. And I never forgot that. And it got, I’m not going to say I became some kind of wholehearted Freddie Krueger cutting queen.
It still doesn’t feel good when I have to let somebody go, but I don’t take it personally. I don’t feel like I did something to someone because everybody’s responsible for doing the best they can to keep their job. barring layoffs and stuff that you just cannot control,
But if we’re talking about your average merit [00:26:00] and performance based situation, I don’t lose sleep over that anymore. And I had to give myself that protected coating, because it would’ve eaten me alive.
Sogol Homayoun: Yeah, definitely. Well, emotional intelligence grew. Because now we understand the difference between empathy and sympathy.
Diana White: Oh yeah.
Sogol Homayoun: based on that example for our audience right now, when you are empathizing with someone, you are trying to, understand where they’re coming from, But when you’re sympathizing with someone, you’re literally trying to take on. Burden take on their pain.
And that is a big no-no. Right? To be able to want to get to that level. leads us to our next topic about lifestyle.
Diana White: There you go.

Lesson 7: Lifestyle and Practical Issues – Managing Burnout

Diana White: Issues. So, so how, Sogol how do we do this in practice, lifestyle, practical issues? how do we make that work?
Sogol Homayoun: Gosh, I mean the first word that [00:27:00] comes into mind is burnout risk, right?
That phrase is pushing yourself through enough, issues that you think you, are able to do so many things and in reality, you’re not. And that’s when we know in our heads, rest doesn’t mean a good thing, right? We think that’s laziness. In our interpretation and so you know how many now studies are out there about the benefits of sleep, right?
And how that resets the nervous system and does so many wonderful magic in our brain just to be able to reset ourselves as humans. And we don’t do enough of that, especially in the West. Now, if we can get these nap pods to become a common practice in the West, that would be definitely another birthday to celebrate in my book because, there’s so many, so many benefits of the [00:28:00] siesta, if you will, in mid-afternoon, especially if you, slept late the night before.
It’s definitely, best practices that we’ve. Constantly understood plan yourself a particular fun activity to look forward to. A vacation, a night out, a, a different event that you know that you’re going to love into. Just that ability to anticipate, you know, gets us to set boundaries and limitations for ourselves.
make sure that we can only do what we can do based on our limited time to eventually get to that fun activity we’ve planned for ourselves. Environments in organizations that reward speed competition and constant socializing can be absolutely draining, especially for an HSL who is absorbing other people’s energies, whether they’re, aware or not, right? Yeah. And so, I think that this, this was why it becomes so important for us to be able [00:29:00] to really think about which areas or which places that we actually want to participate in which areas that we think that is going to benefit us.
So that boundary setting struggle we constantly have between saying yes. To too much and difficulty separating our personal needs from others, you know, come into play. And yes, I know it’s, it’s tough for a lot of us, but what we’ll quickly understand, is that we generally develop more thoughtful decision making once we set up those boundaries to consider consequences for both ourselves and others, the ethics behind it and long-term impacts.
Integrity goes up because now people feel that we are aligned with ourselves and our values and our authenticity. the highest, wavelength in our universe is actually authenticity. Being yourself. a lot of people [00:30:00] say love, but authenticity trumps love.
many of us don’t understand the impact when we are not ourselves. it is more than just words. It’s about, Alignment with your actions, your words, and your thoughts, that leads to authenticity. when those are not aligned, people know something’s up.
Yeah. And then finally, when we learn these things as HSLS, we are creating inclusive leadership, safe, supportive spaces where people feel valued from. A current leadership best practice, which we call psychologically safe environments, really transcends that other person to also want to be themselves and be able to, you know, vocalize and critically think about situations that may impact the business and themselves in the long run.
in short, when we treat ourselves better, we can treat others better. That is the difference between empathy and sympathy.
Diana White: Golden rule, if you ask me. I love it.

Lesson 8: Hidden Strengths That Become Challenges

Diana White: Tell [00:31:00] me about my hidden strengths that become challenges every once in a while.
Sogol Homayoun: Absolutely. So, number one is our creativity. Creativity and coming up with multiple different ideas on a constant basis can definitely lead to overwhelm, We constantly want to do things because we have all these patterns and connections that we’re looking at in different ideas coming our way.
neuroscientists have told us there’s no such thing as multitasking. We have to designate at least 20 minutes of our focus on a specific task before we switch, that is a best practice we really do have to focus on, so we don’t tie ourselves down in many ways.
Finally, it’s our strong intuition. Sometimes it’s dismissed or doubted by others making HSLS, question themselves, right? it’s giving us the opportunity to understand that at the end of the day, and Diana, I’m sure you have multiple examples, how [00:32:00] many times when your gut told you to go left and you turned right?
And you paid the price for it and you’re like; I knew it. I knew that I needed to do this, but I didn’t because so and so said this, or so and so said that. And it’s not uncommon for us to be persuaded by another person, to be considered in another direction.
But we just have to realize that. This is an experiment and let’s just trust ourselves. this is life, and at this point, in any way that your intuition speaks to you. the more you feel comfortable listening to your intuition, it’s really going to lead you down a specific pathway and a specific direction in your life that you could not have possibly imagined.
So, whether that. Leads to supposedly negative things like losing a job or, getting a door shut on your face because of a breakup Think of these [00:33:00] types of rejections as redirections. Because you listened to your gut in this particular situation and you said no to something, or you decided to create a boundary with someone.
It may seem negative. It may seem like a bad thing at the time, but 2020 is hindsight when we look back and we’re like, thank goodness that didn’t happen, or I said no to this, or whatever the situation is. Because the reality is that humans, especially sensitive humans such as ourselves, just have that extra sense in us that something is coming down the pipeline that may not be good for us, and if we stay too long, if we do certain things in a different way, we are going to pay the price for it. So, listen to your intuition. And finally, depth of processing. It’s a gift but also makes life more intense and exhausting. That’s why people focus on drugs. [00:34:00] Sex and alcohol to be able to numb this depth of processing that they have as a gift because they don’t know how to manage it otherwise.
Right. And this is a big deal for a lot of our leaders who are trying to manage such big projects or big deals. Alternatively, there’s other. Best practices out there. The number one, recommendation that I have if, our audience has never tried before is hypnotherapy. Hypnotherapy is one of the best practices that helps us understand how to rewire our brain, so we don’t have so many sensitivities to the outside world.
These are visualization techniques that you are able to really just think about being facilitated, preferably by an expert, so that you can replace positive thoughts with your negative reactions. Built from your childhood to be able to reduce those [00:35:00] sensitivities to certain people place or things that you have, because sometimes meditation is hard to master, right?
So, you need some quick life hacks, and hypnotherapy definitely helps with that. It engages the right side of the brain to understand why you are so sensitive to certain things, By regulating yourself and by learning tips and tricks from other techniques like somatic exercises or breathing exercises, you learn how to self-soothe
those are healthier techniques and ways for us to be able to understand are overwhelmed at the moment. For example, my spiral. For when processing certain conversations or events, was about a week, Diana. Hmm. Through these examples that I shared I have brought it down to an hour.
Diana White: Nice.
Sogol Homayoun: that’s amazing. this is something that is possible. It does take a little bit of practice, but once you get there, you’ll see that you don’t need to resort [00:36:00] to food or drugs or alcohol or sex or anything else that disrupts the pattern of your body. But fun facts, because again, food was my vice when I was, not very adept in the world of HSL before.
What I realize is that a lot of people who are HSLS tend to want to have a little junk in their trunk for a subconscious reason thinking that fat is going to help them remove that emotional overwhelm they get from other people by creating an extra layer in their bodies. That’s interesting.
Diana White: That is interesting.
Sogol Homayoun: That’s why they’re, they’re resorting to food because this is their protection mechanism, but what they’re really doing right, we’re really just making ourselves sick or diabetic In reality, we don’t need that as a protection mechanism if we truly understand the cycles we’re going through and how to break those cycles to be able to move [00:37:00] on and move past our spiral with these correct techniques.
Diana White: So now I want to go back to the hypnotherapy, and I want to talk to the audience for a second because I actually, Have had hypnotherapy sessions, talk therapy doesn’t seem to work for me. I am a control freak and an overthinker, Talk therapy didn’t work for me. Meditation on my own didn’t work for me because again, overthinker, you know, when they, when they tell you a meditation, let the thoughts ebb and flow, the thoughts never ebbed.
they just kept flowing When I had my first hypnotherapy session. it was transformative. I was sceptical of course, because all we know of hypnotherapy is some person on stage bringing somebody up from the audience and making them cluck like a chicken. that is not how this works.
That is not what this is. It is for me. For me, it felt like an expert that. Was trained on [00:38:00] guiding me through a meditative state so that I could block out all the noise and get to what I needed to process. And it was game changing for me. it really did help me find the piece that I needed to work through all of these concerns that I had, I don’t know any other way to describe this.
It’s one of the reasons why I’ve adopted for many years using analogies, going back to what you’re talking about, being on different, wavelengths, right? if you can find an analogy that person can understand, maybe you don’t have to be on the same side. I love analogies, but the analogy that I think of here is.
Having all of these emotions and feelings that you’ve taken on from other people because you’re so empathetic. they jumble up and turn into a ball of yarn hypnotherapy helps me unravel that ball of yarn take each string and address it for what it is.
I cannot recommend it enough if you’re willing to see your authentic [00:39:00] self in that state. It’s an amazing journey. I know we’re going to talk more about your offerings, Sogol. So, we’ll talk about that a little later.
This has been fascinating. I knew that things were going to be discovered about me as we go through this. of course, this is one of the reasons why I do the show, right? I want to learn just as much as our viewers and listeners want to learn. there’s been a topic that I’ve been dying to get to and we are finally here.

Lesson 9: Emotional Intelligence and Creating Safety

Diana White: Let’s talk about emotional intelligence and the HSL because I think that our emotional intelligence, if you want to talk about everything being on a spectrum, we’re at 11, I often wonder why is that? and is it a detriment?
Is it a good thing? Talk to me about this.
Sogol Homayoun: Absolutely. I want to share a statistic with you so that way you can, in our audience can better understand why the concept of emotions and emotional intelligence is so important for everybody, but specifically for HSLS. So, think of [00:40:00] it this way, Diana, 95% of sickness is caused by stress.
Stress is created by disease within the body. Disease is created by nervous system dysfunction. Nervous system dysfunction is created from stored emotions and traumas; stored Emotions and traumas are from unprocessed emotions in your body. And unprocessed emotions happen when the body did not feel safe to release that emotion.
95% of sickness is not feeling safe to feel your emotions. when we are working with HSL’s, or observing ourselves, we need to create safety within our body. Our nervous system will then allow us to feel emotion safely, then we can cure the disease, [00:41:00] ultimately allowing our body to heal.
And that healing the body is when we can release emotion safely and freely. this is all connected to emotional intelligence. I cannot imagine, how many times I was scared to speak up. How many times I was not able to release a, a, you know, a feeling of sadness or madness because I was caught up, you know, trying to feel empathy for that other person while I was discounting my own emotions.
So, if we look back at these types of memories between both of us, we’re really realizing that for many years. we, shouldn’t have been sympathizing with a lot of things we were, and then we were not feeling safe to share it. And that’s when all these. concepts of, okay, what does emotional intelligence mean?
It means that you are now able to not only identify, your emotion, label it, give it a name, so your body can slowly start calming [00:42:00] down, but also now be able to reroute it towards a way that you feel comfortable. Whether it’s, you got to just let it out right now and then process it later, which is my favorite now.
if you need to cry, cry it out. Most emotions are released in two minutes or less and that way you can process, analyze and overthink why I had that emotion when with your early walk with your dog, just get it out of your system. But. In a healthy way, so you don’t get tired, you don’t fatigue yourself, and then slowly, slowly, slowly, your nervous system is going to adapt to this new technique that you’re using, and that is what emotional intelligence is all about.
Because the moment you feel like that, you know that fire that comes on, in your throat when you’re about to sucker punch someone with words, that’s the part where you realize. Your nervous system is getting more regulated because that feeling is not coming up so often,
you’re hearing to a point where someone [00:43:00] can spit in your face and you’re not going to have that big of a reaction because now you are training your nervous system in the way that you would be able to hear someone. not fully but at least minimize the emotional impact that they’re producing and sending your way to be able to calmly and collectively.
Collectively answer them in the best possible way so you can diffuse the situation without hurting yourself too much and reroute them in the best way. that’s what leaders do in general, and that’s what HSLS should learn how to do if we keep on shutting up and not being expressive because we’re too overwhelmed with our emotions
we don’t benefit from our power or gift.
Diana White: So, to surmise, being empathic is a superpower. Being highly sensitive can be a blessing if you know how to manage it and you don’t let it take over [00:44:00] your life. Always remember to be your most authentic self. Because that’s going to help alleviate a lot of that stress.
And when it comes to stress, try not to hold onto it. Try not to hold onto anger, try not to hold onto any of those things because they are doing you bodily harm. How’d I do?
Sogol Homayoun: Awesome.
Diana White: Yeah. This was revolutionary. It was amazing. But you have to tell us, because this isn’t the last of it. I’m going to have people writing in and saying, who is this woman?
I want to learn more. I’ve been managing people for years and wondering why I cry in a glass of wine every weekend. I’m an HSL. I need to figure out how do I move forward. So where can we find you and what kind of events might you have coming up?
Sogol Homayoun: Absolutely. Thank you for that question. And yes, this is [00:45:00] such a brand new space and I think that we do need to talk more about it, in so many different ways.
I have created a safe space called the Jasmine Circle. the Jasmine Circle is the name of my organization to educate HS cells. In every dimension that they want, an extra service of mind, for those who are interested is hypnotherapy. Because I became entrenched in hypnotherapy myself to understand how.
Our subconscious, you know, 95% of it is what we run on a daily basis and that basically is connected to our nervous system. And that was information enough for me to realize that if I’m going to be able to help my HS cells, I have to be able to teach them how to rewire their subconscious before they can move forward with anything.
And that’s an additional service that I provide for seekers to learn and [00:46:00] really benefit ourselves. specifically on Wednesdays, starting in October, I am creating a free Zoom online webinar on Wednesday nights just to be able to get people to learn and meet other HSLS. Around the world because I think that this is not something I can do alone.
We do have the opportunity to pass on the baton and the information by talking in group discussions and being able to educate others by just. The little bit of information that we learn about this topic, right? and I recently found out that, there’s so many articles that are coming out about highly sensitive, people and, other, information you can seek out.
But the one resource that has become, a kind of intellectual resource is called the Highly Sensitive Refuge. which I, can benefit from myself, but also others can benefit from. more [00:47:00] importantly, they can also write articles and a, any topics about their own experiences and submit it to the Sensitive Refuge resource, themselves.
And this is now becoming a, specific, website of information that talks about. high, sensitivity for both children and adults and how we can learn more about ourselves in different ways, which I’m thankful to the creators of that resource as well. I would advocate for them.
And so, this is something that I want. folks to know exists. I’m located in Phoenix, Arizona. I support people globally through Zoom. so, location really doesn’t matter. It’s really about curiosity and wanting to do, the work. After you educate yourself about the basics of high sensitivity and understand that you are not alone.
You need to know that and understand how to connect with other people who have [00:48:00] the similar superpower that you have. I hope our hashtag Sensitive Strong is going to catch on because I think we’re really talking about changing the narrative in our subconscious.
We are changing the story that we have told ourselves for so many years that we have a weakness in us, and we are too sensitive and to this and to that. And in reality, we just, were not trained on our sensitivity until now.
Diana White: I love it. I love it. I want to thank my guest, Dr Sogol Homayoun, for sharing her leadership philosophies with us today.
I know there has to be at least one other person on this planet that will watch or listen to this episode and feel as validated as I do right now, Thank you. You’ve been listening to a special segment of 10 Lessons Learned on Leadership. This episode is produced by Robert Hossary.
Please tell us what you think of today’s show. [00:49:00] You can email us at podcast@10lessonslearned.com. That’s podcast at the number 10 lessons learned.com. Go ahead and hit that like button, subscribe and turn on a notification bell so you don’t miss an episode of the only podcast that makes the world wiser lesson by lesson.
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